Guys, He doesn't want to date until I lose weight. Should I stop talking to him until I do?

Basically, he doesn't want us to be anything more than friends until I lose weight. Problem for me is that we are way past that "Let's just be friends" stage. We've kissed, held hands, cuddled, all of it.

We haven't been dating long either, so he basically doesn't want to wait out for me in the event he loses out on some chance with someone else. Problem is that he wants to be friends with benefits in the time being. Yeah, I'm not skinny enough to date, but good enough to sleep with. He also said he loved the sex. Guess my weight wasn't a problem then.

He said if I get lonely while I'm getting fit in the next couple months, that I could let him know and we'd hang out. I told him I'm not going to be his fuck buddy. He said, "but what if I want to have sex? You don't want me to have sex with other girls, right?"

A part of me thinks he intends on holding out for me based on the above. But it's just stupid. We live 2 hours drive apart in traffic. Shouldn't we just date then while I get fit?

Updates:
20d by the way, I'm not super overweight or anything. I'm only about 16 pounds from my goal weight, which is average for my height.

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What Guys Said 4

  • 15lbs? Seriously? This is the most retarded shit I ever heard in my life. How can someone POSSIBLY care about 15 lbs? Is he a fuckin super model or something?

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    • 20d

      All he cares about is the standard BMI charts. For my height I should be 140 pounds to be healthy/average. I'm thicker, but more curvy that anything. He even said he liked thicker girls, but he obviously doesn't know the meaning of that.

      He said he wanted to be with someone who cared about their looks as much as he did. Prblem is that he's never struggled with losing weight, only gaining it.

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    • 20d

      "sounds heavy." lol. Jesus.

    • 20d

      @YourNextEX you do know that just because the scale says a certain weight isn't always what they look like. Muscle weighs more than that. There's a lot of factors that make up someone's weight (build, where the weight is such as hips or breasts)

      In fact, boobs alone are pretty heavy. A pair of C+ can be anywhere from 6 to 8 pounds total.

  • If you like him then go for it; but in my opinion, I'd stop talking to him period. If he does not accept who you are than he is not worth it. You should lose weight because you want to better yourself, not because some jackass doesn't accept you.

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    • 20d

      I do like him :/ Aside from this whole mess, things were great. I felt like things were finally looking up for me.

      He's really blunt and honest, which is hurtful.

      I also don't really want him to see anyone else lol.

      But isn't it weird he wants a friend's with benefits relationship, even though we are far from one another?

  • Lose some weight then.

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  • The whole thing sounds kind of shallow, I guess you're ok to do everything with except be seen with so I guess that's why he will date you when you're slim

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    • 20d

      That's the thing, he was all over me in public the time I visited him. Pulling me close, hugging onto me, etc.

      And then a few days before he was supposed to come see me, we had a small argument via text about how I should get a trainer, blah blah blah. I stood my ground and said I knew what I was doing. And then two days later he tells me he doesn't think we will work out.

      I think maybe that was what caused it

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    • 20d

      Seems like he is just using that as an excuse to motivate you so you lose the weight otherwise if he starts to exclusively date you regularly before that then you may not have an incentive to lose it if you already got him

    • 20d

      That might be it. When we first started talking about the weight, he said that he felt I was going to just get comfortable and not try to lose the weight once we were together.

      It makes more sense that way of how he's reacting.

      He's been very distant in texts. And now I don't even know where to begin conversations with him. He will still respond, but he used to text me first. But now he doesn't because he feels he's "leading me on" since we're doing the whole friend thing for now.

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