When I was younger. I didn't care if a man was financially stable, but the older I get. its a must that's he's financially stable. Am I wrong?

When I was younger, it was all about love. I didn't care if he had -$200 in the back. I was all about love. Now that I'm older, its like he must have his own money. I feel bad because it feels like I'm losing myself because I never thought money will be that important in a relationship. It has always been strictly about love for me. Am I wrong for wanting him to be somewhat financially stable? And how do I get back to not caring about how much he has as long as I love him?


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What Guys Said 21

  • Not wrong to want someone who's financially stable as long as you don't say that because you want to use his money. If you're stable too, it's normal to want someone who is also stable. Plus, if you want to get married and/or have kids, you would want to do this with someone who is financially stable, I want the same out of a girl.
    Also, it says a lot about someone if they're make enough money to be independent and not struggle every end of the month. Usually people that hustle and work hard tend to be more financially stable, and at least personally, that's an attractive trait.

    But if you just want someone with money because you wanna use their money and not work, then that's wrong.

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  • It's not wrong at all... But you should be independently stable yourself... Other wise you are just a hypocrite if you are not stable yourself...

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    • 19d

      Not really, I don't think it's necessary for a girl but maybe would be ideal. If I wanted to be exactly equal with a guy I'd get a roommate.

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    • 19d

      @girlsaskguys7789 Oh boy...
      @https://i. kinja-img. com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--iRG7gZoH--/180v7479xsnaipng. png

    • 17d

      Yap I'm independent

  • NO your priorities changed with your age. Nothing wrong with that. At your age he should be financially stable.

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  • I think it's ok caring about financials if you plan to build up a home with the guy. I also know for sure this is totally common. A girl up to 25 (or whenever she decides to settle) will choose a guy she find sexually appealing, attractive and handsome for having a good time with him. Later on she will start looking for a guy who seems a good prospect for a father. How handsome or how good in bed he is doesn't matter that much anymore. Because the significant aspect is being reliable.
    I have seen a couple of girls suddenly changing the kind of guy they were dating after getting near to 30 years old.

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    • 17d

      Yap that was me when I was younger. I didn't care about what he had or what he didn't have. I guess its true what a lot of people say, the older you get the wiser you get

    • 17d

      I think you wrong about getting a guy who has money. Love beat everything. Guy who has money, either they are taken, a player, drama, or don't have any kind social skill. If a guy treat you nice and love that all you should care about because he is a man after all. No man like their women take role of a man. I heard story women regret choose men with money over the poor guy. The guy either miss treat her or cheat on her. The poor guy had so call butterfly effect. Came out the nut shell and went date model and make the money. Merge Simpson famous quote"Well, most women will tell you that you’re a fool to think you can change a man. But those women are quitters!”

    • 17d

      Merge and homer is a good example. Merge had a choice between some rich guy or homer, but she chose homer because he really sincerely to her. Plus every successful man had a women to help him get there. Every other women look for same thing as you but what make you different to have a successful relationship?

  • No, you are not wrong. You are very smart. Love doesn't pay the bills!!!

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    • 17d

      Glad I've grown because all I cared about was love

  • Its about both too be honest. The thing is you need money to have the things you want in life like materialistic things but then on the other hand love is priceless and a very strong emotion. I see it like this. Money doesn't define a person's personality or how they are plus what happens if you guys broke up and he made all the money? Where would you go? What would you do?

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    • 17d

      Exactly we both need our own money. I have some saved up and I have a OK job. I want someone who has the same as me. One of my Past relationship he was financially instable and had a bunch of bill. It was so stressful because all he talked about was money

    • 17d

      @asker - same as you? You said you want someone better than you? Now you said your want same as you? Haahaa you are a troll I guess

  • Well, i think too a guys got to have some money to be with a girl
    we don't see the girl as materialistic or a gold-digger but we want
    do our part to be in a relationship with a girl.

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  • i don't see that as a problem at all. you're just being practical as we all need stability so we don't worry about having a roof over our heads or food on the table.

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  • Wanting a financially stable man is very healthy and not something to be ashamed off.

    But if he needs to have a Ferrari or want a guy with a private jet then you madam or a gold digger Which I don't think is you

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  • Its fine as long as you're not using em for his money

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    • 17d

      Nope, I have my own

  • Nope. Makes sense

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  • as long as you are financially stable yourself then its all ok.

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  • You and every other woman on earth thinks the same

    Only naive girls say money doesn't matter

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  • Humans crave stability it's a natural thing,

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  • the thing of it is jobs are not all that easy to come by these days

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    • 17d

      I know but you can always do something besides sitting at home. Sometimes you have to take a job you really don't want. Money is money

    • 17d

      that's not going to happen cause my happiness is more important I live for what I want to live and nobody is going to tell me any different

    • 17d

      you women are going to get through to you're head that you're manipulation and control ain't going to work with men anymore

  • Yes, you're wrong. You want him for money you ungrateful whore!

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    • 17d

      Nooo, I have my own money. I just want him to be stable

    • 15d

      I call that bullshit.

  • it's normal. girl's like it when a guy has money

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  • Why is it always girls who care about their partner having financially stable? You almost never hear a guy list financial stability as a must for a girl. Can girls not provide for themselves?

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  • This is just... normal.

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  • If you need to know how much money he has before you are very interested in him, then if he lost his job at some point in the relationship, which is highly likely in a long term relationship, then you would leave if you value money too much.

    It's better to find someone that you like who they are as a person, then if they have money, that is just a good benefit, but not to like them BECAUSE they have money. Think about it. If you lost your job, would you want your man to just leave you?
    You can help assure your family's financial stability by working yourself and putting money away in a savings, so that isn't so much of an issue.
    That is one of the reasons why I won't date women my age. They usually tend to value money more than the person. That is one of the reasons why I divorced my ex wife.

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  • Just like every other woman. There's nothing you can do it's in your DNA.

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What Girls Said 7

  • First, you have to make up yr mind about what you actually want. Because you're talking about 2 different things here, at the same time.

    The head question is about "being financially stable"... but, in the paragraph, you mentioned "caring about HOW MUCH he has".

    These are NOT the same thing.

    • Financial STABILITY is... the ability to NOT GO BROKE. It's the ability to MANAGE money well, and to live within one's means, while saving up a decent amount for rainy-day scenarios.

    • "How much he has" is basically unrelated to "financial stability". There are plenty of rich people who go broke because they're not financially STABLE at all... and there are also plenty of financially stable people with modest incomes.

    You just need to be honest with yrself, here. A lot of people, unfortunately, use "financially stable" as a euphemism for "wealthy" -- and that's going to fuck up yr judgment here, if you're making the same mistake.

    Financial STABILITY -- the ability to live within one's means, and not to spend oneself into insurmountable debt -- is absolutely an attractive quality. If you want to have a family with someone, this quality is NECESSARY, unless you're going to inherit billions of dollars, or something.

    WEALTH, on the other hand, is certainly not necessary -- but, you might decide that wealth is important to you.
    If you do, then, don't bullshit about it, and don't cover it as "financial stability" -- just be honest.
    If wealth IS something you're specifically looking for, though, you should be ready to trade off on other things (like emotional intimacy) in order to get it.
    I mean... In yr last sentence up there, you're talking about trading off on unconditional love. If you do that, don't be surprised if you find a partner who does the same -- and starts thinking about kicking you to the curb once you've hit a certain age.

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    • 18d

      So you do these long replies because you get MHO when you do?

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    • 17d

      I want both. A guy to love me unconditional and have at least some money and a job. Love can't pay bills.

    • 17d

      Tru tru
      ... but, these days, the usual assumption is that you're already capable of earning enough to support yrself (and likewise for him).

      So, if you're going into this thinking that HIS income is relevant to YOU, then, you're going to need a better reason than that.
      ... And you're going to have to offer something sufficiently compelling for him to WANT to take you on as essentially a financial dependent, when there are millions of women out there who'd be perfectly happy pulling their own weight as far as household income is concerned.

  • I don't think it's wrong. I think there can be wrong ways to go about it.

    But it's like at 17, you don't care if your new boyfriend doesn't work or he's into games, like he doesn't care about you going out clubbing perhaps.. But you hit 25-30, you start to mature, you start to realise you don't want someone who's partying every weekend, or games every night... You perhaps want someone who's looking for kids and marriage (or at least long-term commitment), someone stable and secure. Someone who is working or at least readily on their way to trying.

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  • Both partners should be finacially stable.

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  • Financial stability is different than gold digging. I'm not looking to pay off someone's bills, but if I love someone and shit hits the fan - I'm going to help them through it.

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  • I feel this way too. I think it's mainly because as much as we want to say that love is enough. We need to also make sure we are okay financially. Not saying the guy needs to be a millionaire or even make as much as me. But he must be working and must have some income.

    Realistically, it takes 2 people to run a household now a days. Single people struggle!

    I know if I work all day and come home to see a guy who isn't working sit on the couch and play video games and yell at me (about when dinner is going to be ready) the minute I walk through the door, I will feel really resentful towards him. And I can probably safely say that relationship wouldn't work out.

    I'm not interested in being someone's nanny, or mom or caregiver. I just want a guy who is going to help contribute too. A relationship is a partnership, and both people need to contribute. I think in todays world it only makes sense to not want a partner who is going to mooch off of you.

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    • 17d

      Yap you understand then

  • agree with you 100%, i would not want a guy with lots of debts, not know how to deal with his finances. and not ambitious.
    he should at lease have a decent job, have a bit of savings. some goal if you two are looking to settle down.
    its added stress to a relationship and biggest reasons for breakups.

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    • 17d

      You're absolutely right

    • 17d

      Good luck finding him.

  • I'm in the same boat as you. I work hard and know what I want in life and I want to date a guy that is doing better than me. When you are younger, you don't think that much about money because you still think you have time, and that love will be enough to make it work. The truth is, love is not enough when you start a life with a guy and hate where you live, that you struggle all the time, and live a crappy life, at least not for me. Sure there is a chance that you guys will struggle and make it, but do you want to take that risk? Money is the number one reason people split up and fight all the time. You don't have control over someone else's potential, motivation, goals, luck etc. Don't just fall in love with anyone for love, wait for the right guy. You can have both love and a good life.

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    • 19d

      It's funny you say that because I'd want a girl who's doing worse than me. It makes me feel better as a guy if I make more money. If we both earned equal amounts that would be cool too, but I couldn't be in a relationship where I'm earning $300,000/year and she's earning like a million/year. Can't really explain why, I just wouldn't feel right.

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    • 17d

      Yap your right, the man I was liking was 42. He is struggling financially and has a bunch of bill and he's always stressed. I tried to do it for a while but the stress started getting to me. All he would talk about was money.

    • 17d

      A guy who is 42 and still struggle to meet end meet, time let him go. Why are trying date guy out your range group. Age 42 is another generation, stay away from them. They are generation x and should have business with you

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