When you're comfortable with someone, does it REALLY matter who texts first or plans dates?

The whole thing is a filtering system. If you're dating someone, whether for a month or a year; if you feel truly comfortable and the girl mirrors just as much as interest.. who cares who plans what? You hear from every article on the internet that when the girl plans dates and initiates "that it would kill a guy's interest!" Only the losers would become complacent, sit back, and let the girl take the lead. It doesn't work like that.

It's all about achieving balance.

Girls, don't initiate dates to reassure yourself that he's still interested in you. Plan a date because you want to and you want to spend time with the guy. I believe it's perfectly acceptable to plan a date after a guy has done so... hence, dating is a two-way street. Of course, always make sure he is investing just as much as you.

In the beginning, I feel guys should pursue the girl for a few dates and if things go well, and you're completely comfortable with each other, you should take turns. I'll probably receive comments saying "why should the guy do all the work at the start blah blah" but to be honest, I wouldn't want to be with a guy with that attitude. I like to know they're interested. Yes, dating/courtship has changed a LOT over the decades but it's core rituals are still the same: women DO like being pursued at the beginning and men like the chase. When that "chase" is over, is where things really begin chnage - either better or for worse.

Thoughts?

  • Yes! The guy should mostly initiate until you're exclusive.
    29% (13)23% (7)26% (20)Vote
  • No!
    71% (32)77% (24)74% (56)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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What Guys Said 5

  • If a girl expects me to do the overwhelming majority of the work early on, I would find a replacement quick. I don't like the chase at all... I think it's boring.

    It's 2016. I personally believe that if traditions such as having sex post marriage have withered, then other traditions such as expecting the man to do all the work early on should be abolished.

    Moreover, I've had women say "I think men should do all the pursuing at the beginning because it's traditional." When I hear that, what I instantly think is "this girl is too scared to put her ego on the line" which to me is unattractive because it shows me she has little confidence in herself.

    Just my two cents

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  • All that seems to happen as a result of people obsessing over who does what is that neither person ends up doing anything.

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  • As long the effort is 50/50, it doesn't matter.

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  • Great question and I agree, both people participating in initiating is the best thing ever!

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  • In the beginning, I feel girls should pursue the guys for a few dates and if things go well, and you're completely comfortable with each other, you should take turns. I'll probably receive comments saying "why should the girl do all the work at the start blah blah" but to be honest, I wouldn't want to be with a girl with that attitude. I like to know they're interested.

    See? It works the other way around, too. You have not named one logical reason as to why girls should be the ones being chased.

    All of my dates have been initiated by women, I never had to "chase" a girl. I'm used to that and now matter how many questions like these come up, that's not gonna change. Sorry, not sorry.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Unless you are Having problems down a Pattern Path with Him, Who cares?
    No Need to Stand on Ceremonies if it Works Well for you Both in Your... Comfort Zone. xx

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    • 12d

      Thank you for the Like and Happy Thanksgiving Here, dear. xx

    • 12d

      No worries and thanks for the comment. I'm not actually seeing anyone at the moment, the question was more out of curiosity and research reasons!

    • 12d

      I like it and something Different for a change. xxoo

  • I think it should be equal. The most important thing for me is that the guy also takes interest, it gets old when one person does all the work.

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  • No if comfortable than is 50% and 50% :)

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  • In the beginning until you guys are exclusive he should be the aggressor and have dates/reservations/shows etc planned I never had to initiate the dates first unless we r just friends... no n if he doesn't I wiould feel like he has other women n he might if we r not exclusive

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  • You have a lot of time in your hands

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    • 12d

      Thanks for the opinion! How so?

  • I think the guy should initiate the first dates and after this you can take turns..

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  • The guys should do it if not he isn't interested. Like if a man ask my number and I give him, he should text me the night or the days after but not wait more than that. If not this mean he was going on a date with another girls. For the second date it's the girl after it's the both no rules or anything.

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