Why is it that when men choose a female they dont really care about a females job, and whether or not she is put together?

I notice that women care more about a whether or not a man has a car, career, and if he is more settled or not. Men dont seem to care about that when it comes to choosing a female. They will date a female that has a low paying job, as long as she is attractive and they are compatible with each other. Why is this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Men and women have very different desires and perspectives, and though women have VERY RECENTLY (starting about 50 years ago, so about 2.5 generations) made major changes to how they live their lives, the truth is that the "traditional" expectations about men has NOT changed - most women still look for men who are protectors, providers, and are "in charge" - even if they don't really realize it.

    Similarly, men, though they've grown to adjust to women's changing roles in some ways, tend to still be attracted to women based on traditional values and roles: being a good wife and mother. Of course, this is harder and harder to find, which is why more and more men are going without relationships entirely.

    Women care about a man's job and his ability to provide and protect because - until VERY VERY recently, most women went through (at least) periods of their lives (pregnancy and post-pregnancy) where they were vulnerable and relied on the protection and resources of a man - who were often the sole "breadwinners."

    Men have *generally* never relied on women for resources (yes, exceptions have always existed), and to this day, men are expected to have a job/career and to provide for themselves (at the very least).

    When I meet someone, one of the first 3 things they will ALWAYS ask me is "so, what do you do?" Women are much less likely to be asked this question, and rarely will it be so quickly into the conversation.

    The point is: our attitudes are based on thousands of generations of ingrained, instinctual behavior, that our modern, wealthy, technological society has only very recently started to change. Instincts don't change anywhere close to as fast (studies show it takes about 1000 generations to make noticeable changes to ingrained instincts), so our values remain pretty close to "traditional" values (again, with some individual exceptions).

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Biological instincts mostly but it is also a lot of things.

    I go to a federal school which is a school for smart children and poor not so smart kids, the rest are all in private schools. Meaning I'm weird since I'm middle class and not so smart but my biggest problem till now is well gold diggers and money shamers. There are those guys that want your money and the other's make you feel ashamed of your parents money. There are a few good ones but it's hard not to be jaded when you hear so many nasty things about you when your parents have more money than theirs... those experiences kind of add up and make you wish for someone who has more privilege than you do so that you have peace.

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What Guys Said 23

  • Its a biological nesting instinct I guess, if she's going to settle down with him and have kids he needs to be able to support and protect her as women are very vulnerable during pregnancy. Its not PC to say it and feminists will hate me saying it but feminism is not very old and maybe society and women haven't quite caught up to equality yet.

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  • I think its genetic. Women like to feel "safer". A good paycheck and lots of comfort are good choices. On the other hand men tend to feel like "protecting" their SO.
    Thats also one of the reasons why men may not feel "men enough" if their SOs earn more money. Vice versa, some girls won't settle for a guy with no solid financial status. I hope you get the idea.

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  • I don't care how much she makes, because I'm not looking that far ahead. Are you chill? Do you watch Netflix? Are you low rent? These are my only questions. Everything else I do for myself. I cook, I work, I drive. If a man wants you in his routine, your job is relatively simple. Western culture preaches commerce as the cornerstone for monogamy. Look at why people divorce. Usually finances. Here's an idea, write a list of everything you want in a guy and try to match all of that with what you bring to the table. If you can't proceed to reduce the first list to fit. It's called equally yolked. Undortunately for wonen westetn culture teaches men to value women according to beauty. I. e. "the hotter she is the longer I'll wait." "Or the fact that no man with wealth an access has an "average" looking girl on his arm. Except Mark Zuckerburg, but I'm pretty sure his wife's like a genius, so she's worth more genetically, considering she's attractive.
    P. S. Women who focus on these things are usually alone or unhappily married. Hypergamy is purely biological. Compatibility takes time to cultivate.

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  • Because women that care about that kind of stuff are basically golddiggers. They are materialistic and women that guys want to stay clear of (most of us anyway). Cars, money and jobs are not all there is to life. Men want to be happy, we care about the woman, not what she can buy us.

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  • Values.
    Girls generally want a strong male figure who can potentially protect and support her and kids in the near future. A real "man".
    Similarly that's why guys tend to lean more towards women who are hot enough, preferably emotionally supportive, caring and can hold it down from that side of things.

    When it comes down to it. Most guys would feel happier with a beautiful woman whose job is housewife. Even if he respects a woman with a career. If a guy is more entrepreneurial, then he might lean more towards a woman of a similar mindset. But he'll still want some of those same traits in a woman nonetheless.

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  • Well, realistically a woman isn't going to date a guy who makes less than she does anyways.

    That being said, I wouldn't say I don't care at all. I just value looks, modesty, and personal compatibility A LOT more. Those qualities add more happiness to my life than her having a high paying job would.

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    • 15d

      I wonder what has shaped such a superficial vision of what women want...

    • Show All
    • 13d

      @MrOracle

      Do you also agree with me about female millionaire s prefering men who are even bigger millionaire s?

    • 13d

      Yes - that's usually how it goes.

  • Traditional gender roles have always existed for a reason - they're natural. A man's natural role is provider and protector, and a woman's natural role is nurturer. That's why we don't care, it's our job to provide. If anything many guys see it as a turn off if she earns a lot and is more career focused because that usually means she'll be less focused on family and children.

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  • I'd certainly love for her to have a well put together life, but if she didn't I'd be perfectly fine with it because finding better jobs is nothing compared to finding a better woman than one I'd love enough to marry. Things like cars and careers aren't nearly important as the girl herself. We can work together to improve our lives.

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  • well.. most guys, myself included, just want to have a child who'll look up to them. guys want a woman who'll be a mother above all else. we want some one who'll let us be the fun one. we want our kids to say "I wanna be just like daddy when I grow up".

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  • So long as you have each other and love each other, you will be happy and can support each other through anything.

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  • Because we don't care about such things. If she's attractive and has a lot in common and isn't a mean bitch that's good enough. All the rest is frivolous to us since when we see her naked on a bed waiting for us to join her (our main goal) we are not thinking about her paycheck (not counting a precious few gigalos/male gold diggers). Women tend to have a longer compatibility checklist since they are not men or computer memory.

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  • I care. Someone's success and position in not only her job but life in general shows a lot about the person they are. It shows their drive and commitment to take advantage of the short life we've been handed.

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  • I don't know about most guys but I do. I like ambitious women.

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  • Uhhhh I care about the kind of person she is. Her car is meaningless and other such fleeting material things. It's what is more important to me because it's a better gauge of how life will be with her

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  • There is more to live then money or maybe guys are more financially stable. another thing is that society expects the man to be the bread winner in most relationships.

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  • Because men and women want fundamentally different things from a partner...

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  • Guys think that they have the potential to get settled and take care of his family. What a guy lags in his life is emotional support from his partner. So guys never look if a girl has a car or can she settle or any such things.

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  • Men have built society so it's nothing to pick a girl up of her feet and help her out

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  • I find it funny how no woman answered this question. Looks like they know it's because they're gold diggers.

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  • Because many women care more about money than the person. That is why if the guy loses his job it is more likely they will get divorced/split up.
    The guy cares more about how much he is attracted to her (not her wallet) and how compatible their personalities are. (Not looking to change her personality)

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    • 10d

      I don't feel like that. I'll stand by him if he loses his job. He'll get another, because he's industrious & knows I'm depending on him, but I'm not gonna kick a good man to the curb for job loss. He gives me his all and I'll give him mine.

    • 9d

      @Beautiful68111 The way you described it is the way I think it SHOULD be.

    • 9d

      I'm one of kind!😊

  • Women are instinctively attracted to providers with good genetic traits, men are instinctively attracted to women who are fertile, good genetic traits and sweetness (which has nothing to do with them being sweet to us, we're just instinctively selecting good mothers)

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  • Well, that's because women are more materialistic than men.

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  • Lmao because women are more superficial. You just proved it yourself

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