Is going on a date a thing of the past?

What ever happen to meeting a girl, taking her out and trying to get to know her better? It seems like that is asking for too much. Since I became open to dating again, guys I've met so far have only ask me to "come over & chill". I have suggested going out but I only get excuses. I'm in shape & guys have call me "cute", "hot" & "pretty". (really NOT trying to be conceited here just trying to figure out what is the problem) & Im not stuck up AT ALL or clingy. I'm really down to earth & outgoing. Can anyone relate? Any advice for me?☺️





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What Guys Said 64

  • I don't understand. At my age, we have dates. We call it dating. We don't talk about it being official. We talk about being monogamous and committed. We call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. We know what we have and we admit it to ourselves and to each other.

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  • Well I guess I am just old school. I like the idea of taking a girl on a date, and I have done it before and I will do it again. I am a bit of a romantic, so I like these sorts of things. I am currently single looking for the right person to be with, I really enjoy having female friends, and getting to know them. I have many female friends, and one thing I noticed is a lot of guys are afraid to be just friends with females, for fear of being friend zoned. Me personally I like the friend zone, because that is the best spot to really get to know a girl from as a person and to see if you really like her. I like to take my time before jumping into things with someone. If there is a girl I like I will make sure early on she knows I am interested, but I will just be friends with that girl, and take some time getting to know her becoming her friend. Once that friendship begins to blossom, then you can truly decide if you like the person enough to want to be with them. Through this if you do indeed like her, there will be a stronger bond.

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    • 8d

      A guy like you is #Goals πŸ™‚

    • 5d

      Thanks, that is just who I am. I don't try to put up a front anymore. Back in the day in my 20's I did not treat women I met very good. As I have become older, I have decided that is not how I want to be, because I see so many men out there treat women with disrespect like I use to. It disgusts me to see this. I am older now and looking for the right person to settle down with, so my whole perspective has changed. I am a man now, so I act as a man should.

  • I don't want to date a girl who wants to take things slow with me if she was in bed with other guys by the third date who weren't expected to put in any effort.

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    • 10d

      I do see what you're saying but in my case, that's not what I'm doing at all.

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    • 10d

      didn't your parents or teachers explain anything about what it means to ASS--U-ME.

    • 10d

      @SarahsSummer

      Yeah, but I am fine with being an ass every now and then.

  • Probably because they are sick and tired of having to pay for women on dates, even though they make their own money nowadays.

    They probably opted for just hanging out so they wouldn't have to pay a fortune for a girl's divine company. I don't blame them.

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  • I would hope not. I'm weird about relationships because I have commitment issues and a little afraid of relationships to be honest. But I have always imagined that once I did find someone that made it worth it, that dates would be apart of the package. But I understand why you're curious, because my friends that date or have dated girls have really only hung out at home, and basically lived together. I think it's just too convenient to just invite a girl over and watch Netflix or chill with your friends. I've always liked the idea of dating, like going out to eat or to the movies, but in my experience that's what friends do more. I'm pretty sure I've gone out to eat or to the movies with my friends as a group more than they have with their significant others. Or they bring their girlfriend, but its still with a bunch of friends. I just like the idea of going alone with a girl to the movies, without my friends and actually have a date. I think chivalry and romanticism has died somewhat, but I think it still exists in some individuals. Such as yourself, and I like the idea of it too. I think it's just harder to find now. But don't give up on it, I'm sure you'll find someone that shares the same interests as you. It'll be worth it in the end! :)

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    • 9d

      Thank God guys like you still exist.

    • 9d

      You too lol, some girls I've met only want to chill too. There's probably more out there than you think, you just have to find them and study peoples behaviors

  • Let me break this down for you.

    "What ever happen to meeting a girl, taking her out and trying to get to know her better? "

    I have no trouble meeting women and going on dates. However, if I told you how many dates I went on this year... you would sh*t yourself. I have tried to take women on nice dates to get to know them, but they always seem bored when I inquire about them and then they ghost me after the date.

    Women make it harder for men... and going on dates get pricey.

    "Since I became open to dating again, guys I've met so far have only ask me to "come over & chill". I have suggested going out but I only get excuses. "

    As a man, I still try to go on honest dates with women, but that is hard to do. For a lot of men... coming over and chilling is easier, because they get what they want... sex... and they don't have to worry about wasting time with a woman that probably wouldn't be interested in them after the date and wasting money as well.

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  • I'm a traditional dater. About 1 in 10 girls will go out with me. The others are all like, 'Thank you sooo much for asking me out! I'm sooo flattered! No, I won't go out with you, but if you want to come and just hang out with me on my own terms in a group of my friends, we can do that. But I don't go out one-on-one with guys I don't know.'

    So it isn't just men who won't date. I think traditional daters of both genders should unite and just let the others play games among themselves haha

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    • 9d

      Lol. That's not a bad idea actually. And guys who just want casual sex should ONLY talk to girls who want the same. Stop lying & stringing along someone who do NO want casual sex.

    • 9d

      Haha I agree. Girls, too. At my age, I'm finding that many girls, especially younger ones, are quick game for the experience and thrill of a fling with an older guy, but when it comes to having a relationship with him or marrying him, they're not interested. He's just a fantasy they want to experience, like skydiving or climbing the Eiffel Tower.

    • 9d

      Wow I guess it goes both ways then. I didn't know girls were doing that.

  • I've gone on way more dates than I ever went over to someone's house for "chill".

    Maybe broaden your spectrum of guys away from douches?

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  • well ima just say this dating doesn't mean he has to take you anywhere a guy can get to know you at his place without sex or a fancy night on the town going out is really to impress the female and to have fun you can't at home some people enjoy staying in and some dont also being invited to chill is still like going out because he can cook some nice food and you can have fun in the comfort of a private space so you both get eachothers 100% attention no other women no other guys and chilling sometimes isn't all bad just let the person know you would like to go out and have fun sometime because you can't do everything in the house but chilling isn't bad

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    • 10d

      Let's just say this. Yes I have done the "come over & chill" (twice to be exact) & both times the guys came on to me. They assumed I wanted sex because I came over. Everyone knows what come over & chill REALLY means. Also in those previous situations I DID suggested to go out but it never happened but coming over was never a problem though😏

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    • 9d

      I agree with you👌

    • 9d

      Yet quite often, when they get a little older and have less options, suddenly those sorts of guys are perfectly fine haha.

  • It's more difficult to go on dates cause it's more difficult to find someone worthy to take on a date.
    When the best thing someone has to offer is their body, I'm not gonna spend money and time on them. I'm not gonna take her out and spend money on her when all she's gonna do is reply with 2-3 words or doesn't know anything besides about the Kardashians.

    If I meet a girl who is worthy, I have no problems taking her out on a date, matter of fact, I want to take her out, problem is that most girls around my age don't offer much besides their body, after all, it's easier to get them to sleep with you than to become serious.

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  • An interesting question, and the best way I can explain is through a business example.

    I have a standard retainer agreement ("My Rules"). If someone needs a lawyer to handle a specialized litigation or transactional matter, they find a way to get in contact with me. Occasionally, I run into the scam artist who asks me to "negotiate" my retainer agreement.

    My response is as follows: "I do negotiate my retainer. If you don't like it, you can find another attorney. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to use me. I negotiate with the market every day, by being fixed on my terms. If I can't survive, then I have to change. If I can survive and do well, then I have no need to change. You're not the only person who calls my phone, or shoots me an email, or walks through my door. If you want me to help you, those are my terms. If you don't like my terms, I'm sorry, but you'll have to find someone else to help you, because those are the only terms I operate under."

    Now, are there lawyers out there desperate for business who are willing to agree to things just to get some "business"? Yes. They are slaving away, miserable, pretending to be happy. No thank you. That's not the kind of life I want for myself, hence, why I don't negotiate with the market that way.

    If I was single again, would I "go on a date" with a girl? Sure. Would I "court her"? No. Would I allow for there to be "a chase"? No.

    In the words of a wise ghetto woman on TV, now turned into an internet meme, "Ain't nobody got time for dat."

    It's not my first rodeo. I know what a girl is like and how she behaves when she's sexually attracted to a guy. I know that it doesn't take a woman more than a few minutes of looking at and talking to a guy to know she wants to fuck him. I know that if it does take her more time than that, she has some personal beliefs or emotional issues that quite honestly I don't have to or want to deal with, or she just doesn't find me attractive.

    I choose to not be with a girl like that. That's my choice. Those are my rules. And for as long as I'm happy in the marketplace, why would I change?

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    • 9d

      Doesn't mean the girl isn't pretty, or valuable as a person. There are many valuable and important people who I don't bend my rules for, my parents included. My willingness to bend my rules is no indication of how not valuable a girl is. That's a little girl's amateur manipulation trick. Case in point? Take your panties off, bend your rules, and let's have sex, otherwise, I guess I'm just not that valuable. See how that works? Doesn't quite have the same effect after the age of 18. Those verbal scripts that used to resonate well in high school don't really even muster a crockadile tear from men hardened by life's experiences.

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    • 9d

      I'm not about to meet a vegetarian wannabe Internet feminist and try to get her to understand. That'll take 300 hours of my time. All for what? There is someone out there among the 25 million people within a 50 mile radius who has been to a therapist, has vented, has worked through her issues with men, has worked through her childhood fears and anxieties, has been broken and put together again, has been toughened and hardened by life, and has come out stronger. She looks at a guy and knows she wants to fuck him. At that point, it's up to the guy to lead. He can either lead her to 3 months of "earning" the "privilege" of shoving his morally righteous leather scepter into her roast beef curtains, or they can just fuck and have sex, because they're attracted to each other. From there on, he can "show" her that he still wants "her," because she's "more" than "just sex" to him

    • 9d

      That's actually a much better objective indicator than him putting on his pretend hat for 3 months, going through the motions of playing the courtship role, and then going through the awkward formality of accepting his "earned sex" at the end of that Broadway / Oscar worthy performance on his part. Sorry, I refuse to "fake it." That's not how I choose to be with women or people in my life. I don't like faking it. I don't like feeding women what they want to hear to get "awws" and "I wish more men were like you." I like being real. I like to approach a sustainable coexistence, because people can't fake it forever. And if two people can't sustainably coexist from the beginning, divorce statistics and people complaining about being in miserable marriages don't offer a beacon of hope. That's all. I'm done.

  • Seems to me you are meeting the wrong type of guys. Head over to a nicer neighborhood and maybe they have money and class to treat you to a date. Find the so-called nice guy instead of lazy douchebags.

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  • I don't think gender plays a big role in this. I'm like you and I LOVE going out on romantic dates or simple dates, really any dates. Some girls would rather just stay home and chill though. For example I had a date set up last night and when she come over she was like can't we just stay inside? Hell no, we agreed and planned on a date days before. We ended up going out as planned. You should just be firm on what you want and if the other party isn't willing to compromise on something that's important to you, then you should really consider whether seeing said person is a good idea or not.

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    • 9d

      You are absolutely right. I should just move on if they don't want the same as me. And man I hope I can meet a guy like you one day.

    • 9d

      Thanks :), I really don't get why people don't go on dates, it's fun to explore

    • 9d

      It sure is. I've had FUN dates in even horrible weather lol. It's soooo much better than being locked up in someone's apartment & feeling uncomfortable & cheap😑

  • This is exactly what I notice about girls, a lot of girls I've asked out have been like "Well I don't know you" and I'm like "Um... that's what the date is for", if we click then great if not then she never has to see me again, it's not a damn marriage proposal.

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  • Umm. Dates are definitely still a thing lol.
    As far as guys constantly inviting you over. Upgrade the kind of guys you spend time around lol.

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  • If by dating you mean courting, it would seem that went out the door a long time ago. The reasons are many.

    Here is a thought: Instead of waiting for guys to ask you to on a date (or to "come over and chill", how about you identify a guy that you like and ask him out on a date? This is the age of equality, right? Of course, this means you might get rejected. But no risk, no reward, right?

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  • You may be just meeting the wrong kind of guys. Or perhaps you are not giving the right guys a chance..

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  • Do you know what is the real reason about this the whole society encourages people to be horney now girls would go out fuck as many guys as they can regardless if they have boyfriend husband then they cry why nobody is taking them out in a classy elegant night out well connect the dots

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    • 9d

      Yeah I do think society plays a role in it. The Netflix and Chill bs didn't help either lol

  • I don't know. I'd give my left nut to go on a date with a girl who actually thinks i'm interesting.

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  • There's nothing wrong with being clingy. The reason why it is like this, is because men get tired of being used for money. If you offered to pay for the first date, or at least your own way, they would be far more likely to go out with you on a date. Too many women have abused men financially for many years, and now more and more men are realizing this and aren't willing to risk it.

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    • 10d

      When I went on dates with guys I have ALWAYS offered to pay. THEY are the one who refuse to let me pay. So now I guess I'm suppose to believe that money is the one & only reason why guys are only offering to chill at their house.

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    • 10d

      @Paultripp That's not true. lol I offer to pay because I ate the food. It's just that simple. There's too much rules & assumptions with dating. I'm ready to just give up & turn down every guy that approach me. But someone on here convince me to do otherwise. lol But man it's a lot lol

    • 9d

      Then why wouldn't they let me pay? I insist and they don't let me. They are feeling offended if I am trying to pay. Seriously. This is not an excuse to not wanting to ask a girl out.

  • I have always done the go out and get to know each other date.

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  • Feminism and Smartphones/social media happened

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  • Dates are still a real thing. if he won't take you out, that's a bad sign. If you're really that good-looking then he should wanna sport you around.

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  • I aim to take my girl on one REAL, planned date a week. Doesn't always happen, but it's my goal for now

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  • People still do it A lot

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  • Most girls sleep with the guy who doesn't take them out, and string along the guy who does. So dating has become pointless to many guys. If she is into you and likes you/wants you, she will come over and hang out. Things develop from there. If she isn't into you or doesn't know yet, she goes on a date. So, you can right off the bat tell of a girl is into you or not by what she is up for. Too many dudes date a girl only to find out she's fucking a string of dudes on the side. These dudes never take her out. These dudes spend little to no money on her, but get action from it. It's so discouraging, more so for us honestly, that many guys are over the traditional courtship process.

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  • Change your taste in guys...

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  • I always find dating and just getting out of the house as the single best part of dates. People are to worried about getting a peace of ass. I am just looking for a friend and if it works out better than that awesome. But if your not looking for a random guy to let have a peace of ass. I would make them take you out have a good time get to know if you want him to have you first. It has to start somewhere down do this easy crap ever

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  • Look at the answers, women see sex as something men have to earn, So they are describing how men have to preform and do things for you to get sex, something you sell, they are describing women as whores/prostitutes, men don't want that as a girlfriend.

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  • When you want guys to take you out, what goes through a guy's mind is "oh great, another girl that wants me to take her out, spend money on her, and potentially never hear from her again". Guys have to plan the date, make sure its something you like, make sure he can pay, hope that it isn't awkward, etc. There's a lot of pressure on guys and we don't like it. Chilling is much less stressful for us and if we get laid then perfect.

    Point is, girls wanna go out and be seen. Guys don't really care for going it. Both genders wanna get to know one another in an environment that they're comfortable with, and for guys that's our apartments.

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    • 9d

      Haha yep couldn't agree more... there was a period where I was going on 5-6 first dates a month and it became... well there was nothing absolutely special about it. Going in for a dental cleaning was more fun

  • More from Guys
    34

What Girls Said 37

  • thankfully, most guys in real life are decent people who want more than just sex. and i'm not sure why some guys on here are all bitter about it because they think dating means having to pay for a woman's stuff... those are probably the same "nice guys" who hate women because they can't get dates. lol.

    that all said, guys should not be stuck with the tab because they're guys. and dates don't even have to be expensive; i always pay for myself, so that i'm not indebted to anyone if things don't go well; if he offers, i thank him but gracefully decline.

    "come over and chill"... ugh, when did that become the romantic gesture du jour? like, seriously, upgrade your taste in men.

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    • 9d

      Believe me when I say that I hate that phrase with a passion. "Come over and chill", "Do u wanna chill?", "We can Netflix and chill" Etc. I HATE the whole concept. You're right though. I'm convinced that it's just the type of guys they are. I have no problem with free dates or paying for myself but when I offered, I always got turned down.

  • There are lots and lots guys out there who will take you out a on a date. Like 90% of guys have initiated an actual date for our first date. It's often just a certain type of guy who won't and I'd honestly be worried about the "type" to ask you to come over and chill as a first date idea.. that just has "hook up" written all over it.

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  • The bar has been lowered. A lot of guys won't put in effort because it really seems that many women don't require it. If a woman will sleep with you just because you're paying attention to her, then why bother taking her out on a date unless you really really really like her and enjoy spending time with her? I'm imagining that's how men think.

    I'm not saying a guy is required to spend a shit ton of money on me, however we do have to go on dates in order for us to be able to hang out, get to know each other and bond. I'm not netflix and chilling over at your house if I hardly know you. But a lot of other women are willing to do that. We could argue that maybe this plays a part into why so many women tend to be treated badly or disrespected in their relationships with guys, but that's another story...

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  • Dating is still alive and well. But you may need to expand beyond the 18-22yo boys who just want bj's to come their way without any effort.

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    • 10d

      You're right & I have thought that maybe that could be the issue but then you have guys who are 21 who want to be in relationships. Yet guys I meet (one is freaking 29 😑) keep asking to come over or for me to come over their house even though we just met😒

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    • 9d

      @amphet11 whatever helps you sleep at night.😊

    • 9d

      Diazepam, sleep soundly

  • i really sympathize with you that's really terrible it could be the times maybe everyone is broke these days or a lot of young people are... but guys should take you out and that's the best way to start a relationship rather than going to some guy's house where he'll proabably take out his pecker at some point in the evening.

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  • I so agree with you. This is something that I have noticed also. a lot of guys dont ask to take women out on dates anymore, they prefer coming over to chill with you. And people will tell you "oh its the type of men that your attracting"... nope. From professional educated men to casual men... doesn't matter. They will all seem to just want to chill. Now I will admit there are a few that do ask to go out on dates with me but its always the ones that your never interested in that usually ask you.

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  • I'm going through this right now! this guy i like asks me to come over to his place or workplace all the time yet he's too busy to go out. I still don't know how he feels about me because sometimes he acts lke he likes me but when i say lets go hang out he says he's busy. :(

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  • It doesn't have to be a thing of the past, it should be part of your standards as in if the dude can't afford to at least take you out on an inexpensive date, then he can't afford to build a future with, which to me means even meeting up with him is out of the question.

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  • ask guys out instead of making suggestions. then they say yes or no. if they say no you move on instead of trying to get something out of someone who does not want it.

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    • 10d

      Asked out/suggest all the same

  • Lol I don't know I've been getting the gentlemen treatment so it's probably just the guys you're attracting. Try to weed out and find the good ones.

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  • of course not!

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  • When I was single, I have noticed that as well and some seem to care about sex more than anything. Those guys made it seem like all guys are the same but I know it's not true and you will meet a guy that wants to take you out and get to know you more. Don't give up!

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    • 10d

      Thanks for the encouragement because I really do feel like giving up & just start turning down guys without giving them a chance.

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    • 10d

      I'm really happy for you🙂 That's what I'm going to do then. I'm only going to give him a chance if he seem different from the rest.

    • 10d

      Thank you ☺
      And I wish you the best of luck and I know you will find him 😊

  • It's just that these guys in particular are the ones that are only after that one thing! When you meet the right guy. He won't just be after your body. He will want more than that and will actually take you out on real dates. Just be super careful okay?

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  • No it isn't. I'm 21 and have like 7 dates and now a current boyfriend. I think people became more afraid to commit in a relationship. Girls become influence by social media. Also porn affects our minds, you can check out fight the new drug movement, it tells a lot about the effect of porn on society. Furthermore, celebrities are exposing their body like a sexual object and this affects women. Many people nowadays based people's worth on their appearance, how many friends, followers, likes they got. We shouldn't base our worth on external things. Dating is not a thing of the past. And i read what guys commented here, that girls date to get "free food", omg, we can pay our own, that's judging, we're not all wanting to use men to get food, that's so ridiculous. If a guy pays, i feel like he's a gentleman, and it's a sign that he's kind, and generous, he's interested in me, he values my time, and he think it's worth the chase. I go on a date to see if we're compatible, i got the right to reject him or accept him weather he pays or not. If a guy gives me flowers or whatever, that doesn't mean i have to accept him or open my legs, i have the right. Keep your hopes up, there are still decent guys.

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  • All I have to say is SAME. Guys find me attractive, are clear about it, I have many/mostly guy friends due to circumstances, and I'm a good person (not to sound conceited either) and yet all these guys just flirt with me, text me, wanna chill or hangout but none have asked me to be their girlfriend or to go on a legit date. (This school year)

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  • Not at all. Lots of people even finds dates and relationships from Tinder, even though it's mostly for casual sex. Just either tell him you loves dates, or take him out on one yourself.

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  • i know how u feel. im going through the same thing. there seems to be no more class these days. its more of lets just chill.. seems like things have changed..

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    • 10d

      Interesting you mention class... more women seem to sleep with guys who are just fwbs, or casual hook ups on the side... than the guy they are dating. When a women gives sex is a direct baramoter if she is into you. When a girl wants to date, she doesn't know if she likes you yet. If she is willing to come over and chill, you know she does. It cuts to the chase about where she stands with things. If women stopped sleeping with the guys who don't take them out, then all this would change. But women have done this to themselves in my opinion...

  • Hold your ground. People say that talking on the phone, going on dates , etc is a thing of the past, but you only get what you expect in this life. Always be fun, friendly and cute, but state in plain words that you would rather talk in person or go on a date and don't accept less. As soon as you let them get away with less, that's the only standard they will uphold. Men are like dogs, enough effort and they will be trained, but if they're untrainable don't waste your time. Women have to realize that we are the end all be all.

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  • a lot of boys seem to think they should just try to get sex with as little effort as possible.

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    • 9d

      So you are describing how men have to preform and do things for you to get sex, something you sell, you are describing women as whores/prostitutes

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    • 9d

      Men have to preform to get sex in some way, women just dish it out. Look up the definition of whore, the exchange doesn't have to be for money for it to be classified as prostitution.

  • Just find guys who WILL take you out. Many will, if you are over Tinder or something, most likely they are just looking for a meet & f**k.

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  • i relate and would love an answer

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  • No, it is not a thing of the past.

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  • Because society is trying to feminise the man and mascline the woman. Which is why so many men are turning to other men and are taking on female roles. It is society way of making the stronger sex weaker so people are controled.
    If you find a real straight alpha male (i know rare these days) keep him. I am lucky i usually find a few.

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  • I hate when guys do this. literally it's fine if u pay sometimes and I pay sometimes but I don't want my first date with u at ur apartment. it's uncomfortable and makes the girl feel confused about what u want

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    • 10d

      Honestly, the classic courtship of dating is what I prefer... though most others will prefer to chill at their house... how about they actually do something, even if there is no pay. For example, go to the local park, or... the ice cream place (some places are really cheap), its just so much better to show that men care and that the man isn't lazy or on a budget. like one of the guys said though... it's hard to date when so many others are easily available to be stringed along and cheated on... its hard to trust anyone nowadays.

    • 10d

      @CASD-Bren Thank you! Who is telling these guys to spend $150 on a date? money is not the issue because tons of dates are free.

  • I feel what your saying been experiencing and questioning this too!
    This generation of guys Suck!

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    • 10d

      I agree. and this is coming from a guy! lol

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    • 10d

      @Paultripp u can stop asking a girl to come over when you meet a girl that wants to be tooken out. Or maybe they come over to chill cause they feel like it's there only option cause y'all guys Suck and there desperate to have someone. Anyway I believe that's all y'all want cause if it wasn't you'll just ask the girl out. All I hear is lame excuses like I said bullshit!

    • 10d

      Men adapt to what works most. You are reaping what the sisterhood sowed.

  • nah its great becuz u enjoy it and get to know that person better

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  • Lots of people still go on dates...

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  • Nah, I've been taken on dates recently...

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  • yeah it is

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  • There's the internet, I used the email function to get to know people before going to see them. When in long distance, do a lot of video chats

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