How would you tell you someone you didn't want to date them anymore?

This has never happened to me before but I have been dating a guy (just dating as in going out on dates, not sex) for a month-Last night was 5th date.

I have decided that I am just not feeling him. I have tried to give him a chance as he is a decent guy but I'm just not into him for various reasons. One thing that annoys me is the way he acts like he has this big shot lifestyle and I know he's probably just trying to impress me but I'm just not impressed by things like that. My biggest bug is that he loves to talk about himself-Which is fine but I feel he barely asks stuff about me. Even when I ask questions that would normally prompt a 'what about you?' response. Regardless of that I can tell he really likes me and he's also told me straight up.

I feel bad and I don't want to just ghost or fizzle out but what should I say to him exactly?

A friend has suggested telling him the things that annoy me and try giving him a chance to change but I'm not sure about that.

Updates:
14d I may have miscounted on the five dates. Five meetings but 3 official dates.

12d I have decided that he really isn't for me & I definitely do not want to see him anymore so I am going to do the fizzle out. If he asks any questions or doesn't seem to get the message I will tell him I do not think we are compatible.

I have a feeling he may have already gotten the message on the last date as I haven't heard from him too much since. Usually he has text me about his great weekend at some fancy restaurant or exclusive party by now!!

Thanks everyone for sharing your opinions :-)

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What Guys Said 22

  • Your not into him... he certainly is not going to stop living his fake hotshot lifestyle or stop talking about himself because he is INSECURE. You are not so GET RID OF HIM... quick. Life is too short to play games.

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  • if you were 15 or even in your early twenties I might say to give this guy another chance because he needs to grow up. However at your age I assume this guy is about your age and at that age they should know better so I say dump him and state what you said you're just not feeling it

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  • You can't make someone change if they aren't ready, willing, or aware of what needs changing. I say ask him straight out, "Aren't you interested in hearing about my life for a change?" Or something of the like. At the very least, tell them guy HOW he's dropping the ball. Tell him the things that annoy you. Be honest, If you were into him , isn't it a given that you would anyway?

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  • Well I would just tell them it as it is. But the only uncertainty I have is on which medium - verbally or through technology (phone/internet). I mean, on the one hand it would be the decent thing to do to tell them verbally, but on the other, people often want to nothing to do with the person who dumped them so making them come to you (or to an arranged meeting point) will (after the dumping) come off as a waste of time.

    So I suggest you carefully consider not how you break it to him (which should be plain and simple) but where you do it.

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  • Less and less guys are into traditional dating. We leave that mostly to guys with money, like the one you are describing, and the girls who are impressed with such guys. When I was single, after I got tired of this game by age 17 (most of the girls in the US pretty much belong to Trump guys these days) I me girls through going to lectures or events, or through work or work friends. I never looked back.

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    • 14d

      To answer your question directly, I still think you should ghost. Telling him about his shortcomings will just start an argument. He obviously has such a big ego, it would be like criticizing Trump.

    • 14d

      I don't see how your response is relevant to my question

  • Just tell him you would like to be friends for the time being but you have too many things going on that you can't get into dating much anymore. If he says
    why we been on 5 dates , just say sorry but i got things need to be done.

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  • You just outright say it to them.. if they are any type of a person that cares at all
    they will understand that no means no.. especially from a woman.. I learned that lesson a long time ago... and after my father left my mom to raise five kids on her own.. one of the first things she instilled in us all was.. that message.. my mother was not only my mother but my best friend and to this day even tho she is gone now.. I have never let go of that message and never will.. take care now

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  • a typical nice guy, give the guy a chance. you have to communicate with him because he is not a psychic to know what is annoying you.

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    • 14d

      True but can I really ask someone to change their personality just because it annoys me? What doesn't appeal to me, may appeal to someone else. I did say once that he loves to talk about himself and he got kind of offended. But still he continues.

    • 14d

      You are not asking him to change his personality, you are only asking him to be more open. The only reason he is acting like a big shot is because as you said, he is trying hard to impress you. Talk to him about how feel, instead of waiting for him to carry the conversation.

      Besides, I f you turned him down after 5 dates, I'm not sure he'd be too interested in taking soo much precious time, financial and emotional resources at a later with another girl who is probably going to waste his time. He might just settle for one of these easy sluts out there nowadays, as he might think women are not worth taking on dates, and getting to know, and there goes another good man turned bad.

  • I would just be straight with him, I would say something like your topic line. Leave on gray area just be nice but put it to him straight I believe it's easier on everyone in the long-term

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  • You don't have to tell him anything, your just dating, although its the considerate thing to do. you really don't owe him anything.

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  • ı would tell it directly

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  • This is why many (most?) guys don't bother with dating at all anymore. 5 dates and all that time and money spent for nothing. Other than that just tell him you are not feeling it and don't want to date anymore, just hints sometimes don't work.

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  • Just be honest. You owe them that much

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  • It's not me it's you. It's over

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  • No. I would make them pay for everything until they broke up with me

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  • "(person's name) I don't want to date anymore"

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  • umm is this your first relationship?

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  • just be honest with them its the best way to be

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  • there is no nice way

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  • just tell him straight up.

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  • So you're gonna turn him down after he has wasted so much precious time, financial and emotional resources on five dates, because society tells men to do all the chasing and impressing. Real classy of you.

    How about you just talk to him about it. He is not a magician that reads minds.

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  • I don't tell. I dump them without explanations.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Don't feel bad. If you see all of these red flags, then you don't need to cater to anybody just because you gave them a chance. Dating is about processing and eliminating. Now if you tell him that you don't want to date him anymore, and he asks. Try not to get into a debate over it. Just explained that there are some things that are conflicting to you, and it's not what you're looking for and need in a partner. Those are your terms. Not if he is willing to change, and you accept, then fine. Give him a chance to do better and show that he can be that person you need and want in a boyfriend. And if he doesn't, then move on.

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  • After five date while I think you owe him at least some words rather than ghosting it should just be as simple as hey it was fun getting to know you but we are looking for different things. He can either accept it or try to fight if. If he tried to fight it than just stop responding or leave politely.

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    • 14d

      "Looking for different things" is all well and good in the let down department but it's clear from our conversations that we are looking for the same things.

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    • 14d

      I change my opinion a little given your update. It may not help you in this situation but hopefully in the future.

      When I was dating, working long hours and staying fit it was a lot. I had at least a date a week, usually just drink for the first date and happy hour or something for the second maybe followed by a walk if it was going well.

      I've found that usually two dates is enough to know if we click. Unless there is a surprise on the third or subsequent getting to know you dates it keeps on.

      Though that said I've been in your shoes where I didn't cut it off sooner even though we were gaining no ground. Anytime I didn't give an enthusiastic yes to a third I've been sorry for taking it.

      BUT that said the few times I did I made it friendlily clear at the end it wasn't going further by saying this has been really fun and it was nice getting to know you.

      All but once they weren't surprised and the one time it was because I was sending mixed signals.

    • 14d

      Not signals that I was interested in him sexually but we were getting along as friends and I can get along with anyone. I had just started dating again after a long relationship and was just happy to be out and having a good time with him.

      I learned not to take advantage of their affection and be more honest with myself and them. Not saying this is you but I am saying three dates is nothing so if the handle the end of the third in a conclusive way if it is thumbs down I always found this is best.

      I always like it when both parties leave a date with good idea of how it went. Personally if I go on a date with a guy and am left wondering I pretty much just write it off and move on.

      I've had a lot of awkward and weird first dates that turned into great relationships. They were awkward because something was there and we were nervous.

  • ı would tell directly

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  • ı would talk to them face to face

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  • tell him late us be friends

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  • Why do people always find it so hard to admit such things? I have never had an issue with that.
    "I am sorry, I just don't see the possibility of us working out" why is that so hard to utter?

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  • Say soz can't talk no more coz my boyfriend is getting pissed about us

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  • I'm in the same boat and in my situation the dude is a clingy mess I don't know what to say

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