Guys, was not responding to this Tinder dude a good idea?

I met this dude on Tinder. We go out a few times and get along well. I really like him and I sense he does too. I go away for a weekend to attend a family event, and we text back and forth. I get back and hear nothing. Crickets. I text him and he totally blows me off the following weekend. I am hurt. I text him that weekend and he responds. A week goes by and I am ghosted. He finally texts a week later as if nothing. (Makes no apology and just asks how I am.) I wait a few days and respond. Wanted to see what he had to say and if he would ask me out. I send him a text from a venue I am at and he responds with a lame text. I don't respond out of frustration. I'm thinking if he is truly interested-he will reach out. Any thoughts guys?


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What Guys Said 20

  • You're wrong. Tinder is impersonal. I ghost on tinder girls all the time and it's largely to do with the sort of mindset you need to have as a man on tinder. If, as a guy you go on tinder really expecting to find a girl you care about or even a girl you will eventually have sex with... You will be disappointed. It takes tons of likes to even get a conversation and of those most of those girls will ghost you because they get so many matches. If you get a match and it goes well... Then you have to figure out how to actually meet up with this girl, do research into what she likes and set up a cool situation to meet up... But it won't ever be casual... It's always a bit forced due to the nature of how you met.

    So as a guy there gets to be a feeling that you are chasing the girl. Real men HATE chasing women. Real men pursue women, and the difference is simply power dynamics. It's the difference between sprinting towards a goal and meandering towards a pleasant sound. The sound is not your goal and you will go in a different direction as soon as it displeased you. When it comes to tinder you always feel like you're sprinting so after a time guys need to perform a check to see if the girl is actually interested or if they just like the attention.

    We check by pulling our attention back a bit and seeing if they pursue us back. Also, when I get a text from a girl who says she's at a club or a venue... I immediately assume she isn't getting enough male attention where she is and is thus phoning out for some guaranteed male attention from me. I may or may not choose to give it to her.

    Anyway on tinder... Since guys go in with low expectations, the guys you'll actually want to talk to more will be the ones who are most likely to pull away if YOU don't show interest. Because they weren't expecting to find true love on tinder anyway. Consider this too, the best people to match with on tinder r the People who usually delete the app for long periods of time and hop back on randomly. The people who are constantly on it are kind of sad. Those higher status dudes and ladies generally just don't care as much but it's easier to notice the difference with a guy, because since he cannot see you constantly his interest waned even faster. If you find a guy you like online in general, and they don't suck then you are always going to have to pursue. That's kind of the poi t of online dating. To give women the control. Men without constant visual stimulation act sort of like women

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    • 5d

      Thanks for your input. However, I told the Tinder I liked and was attracted to him. Didn't realize I had to do somersaults to get his attention nor was on the Bachelor show. I got the message loud and clear-he was dating other women. I had no business being on Tinder since I don't hook up and I''m a classy girl.

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    • 5d

      Well, guess I''m old fashioned. I like men to pursue men. In this case, I would not do anything different. I contacted him and expressed how I felt about him. He knew I liked him. End of story. So if he got Tinder happy-that's on him. Good luck buddy!

    • 5d

      Sounds like you made the right choice. And it explains it if you are a more traditional woman.

  • Wait a second... People actually use Tinder? Last time I used tinder all I heard were crickets chirping. I used it for a solid month. Out of hundreds of different messages sent I got zip back. Im not fabbio enough i guess. The force is not strong with this one.

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  • Unfortunately it sounds like he isn't that interested. If he was, he'd be asking you to hang out and not ignoring you.

    It's likely he's busy with things in life, possibly seeing other girls but you aren't really a priority for him at this point.

    Like you said, if he was really interested, he would reach out more.

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  • This is how I act on Tinder when I, for some unintelligible reason, actually manage to get a match.

    Step 1 - Say something funny, possibly related to their profile.
    Step 2.1 - They don't respond: I just ignore their existence and return to
    previous point with someone else.
    Step 2.2 - They respond: I introduce myself.
    Step 3 - They introduce themselves: I try to keep the
    conversation interesting.
    Step 3.1 - They don't respond: cfr. Step 2.1
    Step 3.2 - They respond: I ask for their number.
    Step 4.1 - They don't respond: cfr. Step 2.1
    Step 4.2 - They give their number: I ask them
    out.
    Step 5.1 - They ignore me or
    they answer me they
    are busy multiple
    times: cfr. Step 2.1.
    Step 5.2 - They accept: I'll let you
    know when this will
    actually happen. I might
    just freak out and abort
    out of surprise.

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  • You were demoted from his #1 to a side chick. Happens all the time and for both genders.

    Tinder is fast paced. The MOMENT he feels you are less than enthused or he senses you are not putting in your part, he will move on (and trust me, it's easy on Tinder). Likewise, someone else could have messaged him which he preferred over you.

    Women do this to men all the time on Tinder.

    Welcome to our pathetic dating culture :)

    Source: Tinder veteran!

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    • 5d

      Yes, all was ok, although my instinct kept telling me he was tindering around. I go away to attend a family event and I hear the crickets. He disappeared and then came back with his tail between his legs. Sorry-but I am not sloppy seconds or thirds. Have never felt like a dude's mistress until now. And so no regrets that I did not chase him.

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    • 4d

      And you are still single? Good luck with your search. Hope you find a nice, educated gal. Hopefully, not on Tinder though... 😊

    • 4d

      Nope haha I've been in a relationship for 6 months actually. I found her on POF though

  • This sounds like the Tinder experience of 99% of men with 99% of the women they match with/actually go out with.

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    • 5d

      Well, he missed out on a great gal. Good luck buddy! Hope you meet a nice girl. Not. Luckily, am not on that horrible app anymore. Dating multiple people is not for me.

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    • 5d

      @mits777 Thanks again! I owe you a cyber drink. 😁 Good luck with your search!! You will find what you're looking for! And will too. Don't worry won't fall for his lies and B. S. 👍

    • 5d

      @Asker haha thnx. Good luck too

  • The ball is in his court. Sorry he turned you down, it hurts, I hope you feel better. You'd best look elsewhere. If he get's back to you, do what you feel is best. unlike most people, I wouldn't deem him a scumbag as it's a competitive world, although it is rather rude of him to be so unresponsive and unclear if you two are gonna be friends, , maybe date again, never see again, etc

    You should look elsewhere, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Good luck <3

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  • If I really wanted in your pants I would have asked for a voice number (or hope you ask for mine). Text is like email, so impersonal, never mind inefficient (I can talk far faster than I can push those tiny buttons with a pen or toothpick).

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    • 5d

      Yes, we chatted on the phone. Guess when you are juggling several women-it's easier? Hope he got why I did not reply.

  • If he's not going to give you his time, why are you going to give yours?
    Anyways, guys are easy. Just ask him if he's interested in you. Easy as that. But it doesn't look promising I'm afraid...

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  • forget him he is playing games. He'll learn not to make the same mistake and dilly dally with a girl from you.

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  • Just try to do something different

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  • Women do this to men on tinder far more (because they have lots of options generally)... I'm guessing this guy is quite outgoing/attractive and is likely interested in other women now.

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    • 5d

      I guess I am too nice since I usually text a guy I am not interested in and wish them well. In this case, my only regret was not ending things properly, even though he most likely did not deserve it.

  • He is butthurt or playing games. Do you really want to be with him?

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    • 5d

      Butthurt for ghosting me and me getting upset? Sadly, I liked him and consider myself a great catch. Too bad he didn't see it. I have no time nor patience to play games.

    • 5d

      Good choice

  • I agree. If he was interested still he would have responded more.

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  • get over him

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  • Get over him.

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  • You were demoted from his #1 to a side chick. Happens all the time and for both genders.

    Tinder is fast paced. The MOMENT he feels you are less than enthused or he senses you are not putting in your part, he will move on (and trust me, it's easy on Tinder). Likewise, someone else could have messaged him which he preferred over you.

    Women do this to men all the time on Tinder.

    Welcome to our pathetic dating culture :)

    Source: Tinder veteran!

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  • If he has the habit of ghosting out, you don't need a person like that. he is unstable

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    • 5d

      He did it once but that spoke volumes. However, his communication was so/so. Always seemed to be juggling more than he could bite. Yeah, not good boyfriend material.

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    • 5d

      Yup, hence why he is on Tinder-hook up heaven!

    • 5d

      Date awesome blueish anon guys like me <--- :P

  • well, I do that sometimes because either I am too busy or I don't know what to text and I end up forgetting someone texted me

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  • If he's legitimately interested in you he would have asked for your direct number by now.

    Sometimes guys (smarter ones) will be very careful not to come off as too eager or needy. However if it goes on too long it might mean he found someone else and/or is just not interested (sorry).

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    • 5d

      He had my digits. Have a feeling he is window shopping, which is easy to do on Tinder.

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    • 5d

      It sounds like you really like him. You are a mature woman in your 30s. You can be straight up with him and just tell him what you think.

    • 5d

      Thanks, and yes I did like him. It's too late now. Also, don't want to be with someone who is wishy-washy they want to be with me.

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