Do I pull back or should I keep pursuing her?

So this girl I've been dating for about 2 months has been giving me some mixed signals and I don't know what to do. For the most part, things have been going great. We're very intimate and we always affectionate. We both initiate contact but when we do text it's not for conversation but about scheduling dates. I asked her if she wanted to be exclusive but she said she'll have to think about it (she says she's not seeing anyone else). But just yesterday after seeing her she deleted her dating app after I told her I did so I don't know what that means.

While we've been seeing each other she's can be very talkative and be very attentive. But sometimes we had some I thought awkward silences where I've asked her if she's alright but just gives me the "I'm tired" answer. Not to get into much detail but when we're having fun in bed she'll tease and tell me that she enjoys watching me get frustrated? We have had sex 4 times though. When we're in public she'll initiate holding my hand including me, but the other night I could tell she was purposely trying to keep her arms in her pocket and not really caring where I was. But that same day she initiated holding my hand when going on a hike. She told me she has social anxiety so that may be the cause?

Our last date ended pretty well. She opened up a little more and talked about her past and I reciprocated but she told me she doesn't like talking about her emotions. At the end of the night, we ended up getting into a heated make out session (Maybe with some happy hands too) but she didn't text me at the end of the night which she usually does. We're already planning on hanging out this Thursday but I initiated the invitation this time.

So what I'm trying to ask is what is going on in her head? why does she pull back and then show me signs she's interested in me? What should I do?


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What Girls Said 2

  • This is a confusing situation that you're in. It sounds like she may have some issues with understanding where her self-worth in a relationship comes from. A lot of girls, especially ones who were raped or abused as children by their fathers, view the male want of sex for them as their main value in life. If you have had sex 4 times in 2 months, this could have something to do with it. I'd lean mostly towards this due to you commenting that she also has social anxiety.

    Another option could be that she is either afraid of committing to a relationship or really doesn't want one right now. This unfortunately would put you into a friend's with benefits scenario. I'd say this isn't as likely, but it could potentially be a possibility

    Another one could be that she has a much higher sex drive than other women, so she rushes into sex before she builds meaningful relationships because she gets a sensational reward for being physical

    I'd say the best thing for you to do would be to talk to her about it. Whatever is going on, it's certain that she's hesitant to get into a committed relationship with you right now. Whether she has a previous psychological issue holding her back, doesn't want a relationship right now, or does but doesn't want one with you, then you'll have to ask her to figure that one out. I'd say you should give it a couple more months or so to see how everything pans out if she isn't willing to open up about her motives yet

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  • What is confusing? It sounds like the normal early stages of a relationship. There's some awkwardness as you both try to get-to-know each other and as you said, you both show affection and initiate contact, you've been intimate too... she isn't doing anything odd. Deleting her dating account when you inquired about being exclusive indicates she is looking to agree to that.

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    • 5d

      Thanks for the helpful information. I'm still kind of confused and still feeling anxious about the situation... I know I said we never text to chit chat but usually after the date she'll text me regarding our next meetup but hasn't yet and it's been two days. I've even sent her a open ended snapchat message hoping she'd understand that I'm reaching out but she never responded. Is this normal? Is she waiting for me to text her?

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    • 4d

      Sorry to keep bothering you, but I feel like you have been the most helpful. So She still hasn't contacted me and we're supposed to hangout tomorrow and usually she'll text me about details throughout the week. Should I wait until she texts me or should I text her to confirm the meetup? I actually thought about purposely bailing and rescheduling to gain her attraction? I'm extremely confused because she hasn't done this before and I'm freaking out. I haven't been able to function in school, work or just anything lately because I'm so stressed :(

    • 4d

      Send a text just to ask "Hey we still on for tomorrow?"
      But if you have that much stress and anxiety you shouldn't be dating if it affects how you function and your school, which should come first.

What Guys Said 2

  • She's testing your loyalty. Women do this intuitively. If you really like her, be patient

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  • Pulling back is always a good thing

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