After being rejected multiple times I've basically become emotionaless, prideful, and just do what I want, say what I want and things are better. Why?

I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend. Always get over the top rejections or bad situations. Examples are
Middle School: Girl i asked out made rumors about me and showed the whole school a letter I wrote.
High School: Girl I asked out had her brother fight me.
Girl I asked out rejected me for a girl (she wasn't lez)
Girl I liked who was like my bff just stopped talking to me
Girl Who I asked out had a mom who worked for the school got me suspended on bs charges and bragged about it on twitter
In college all 4 girls gave me there #'s and went on dates but turned out to be married with kids.

So after so long my heart is stone, Like i don't feel anything anymore except sometimes lonleyless. Since then though i've focused on myself. Currently working on a novel, Do poetry, Got accepted to do sports articles on bleacher report, Working on my painting, Piano and Guitar playing. recently got supervisor position, and doing better in school. Things are great but at night and when I do get accomplishments I feel lonley still. I've also become prideful like when women come around I just dont take a chance and immediately distances myself, and I used to be "too nice". Now everyone says im "to blunt" and became a asshole. Im either one or the other, Can't balance it and recently learning to be a loner. I've accepted i'll probably going to be single forever. What Can i do to combat the lonleyness? Why since the day i've became emotionaless and not cared about anyone but myself are things better? And is there still a chance to find someone? (PLEASE No Everyone finds someone eventually in time answers, i've met 50 year olds who have never had a relationship so your wrong)


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What Girls Said 1

  • Don't ever give up on love. You likely have many great qualities and there's just not been a girl to recognize them yet. You still have a chance.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I won't tell you that everyone finds someone eventually because with your current state of mind, no you won't, you won't find anyone. You've already accepted defeat, so be prepared to accept a life of loneliness then, clearly being in a relationship didn't matter enough for you to actually want to force yourself to change the situation.

    You got rejected, big deal. Move on. Who cares. I love rejections, they're funny. I used to be very caught up in myself, always over thinking things because I was scared, scared of being different and undesirable. I was so caught up on results. I went out one night and told my friend I'd make 7 successful approaches, my friend told me to forget about it, he wanted me to get 10 rejections. I thought he was crazy, why would I want to put myself through that, but I did it. I forgot about caring, I went up and said the most retarded things that came to mind. And funnily enough, it actually became harder to get rejected, it didn't matter how much I tried to devalue myself, it actually made me appear more attractive... Because I simply didn't care anymore. It ended up being a great night and was a real turning point for me. I now approach girls for the fun of it, if it's the start of a great relationship, that's awesome. If I get rejected or it's just a funny experience, it's hilarious.

    Stop taking yourself so seriously. I understand what I'm saying right now is probably going to be instantly ignored if you're already set in this mindset of taking no action and being alone for the rest of your life, and if that is the case, good for you, just as long as you don't get depressed and bitch about it, because you chose that life. That is your choice. Plenty of other guys have been in your position, plenty of guys are in your position and plenty of guys will be in your position and plenty of them work their asses off to change it, it just depends how much you actually want it.

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  • My experience in this kind of scenario is that you tend to go from one extreme to the other before eventually finding a balance nearer the middle. How long it takes you to get back to the middle is the question.

    Neither extreme end of the emotional scale is healthy in the long term. If you are too emotionally open and too self deprecating then you will get crapped on and hurt repeatedly. When this happens you naturally go to the opposite extreme, you build a huge wall around you and nobody gets in. You are protected from pain but you are missing out on life. You don't let anybody in and you lose compassion and so you are lonely.

    The ideal position is in the middle, being neither too open and selfless or too selfish and cold. Part of that, in my opinion, is in accepting that hurt is normal and manageable and that being cold is self defeating.

    When you are confident enough to be honest about what you want and to deliver your message in an engaging style, yet strong enough not to be taken advantage of, then you are likely to see better results. I keep on saying that strength is not about never being weak, it is about being aware that you can be weak and being at peace with that. When you know your weaknesses they can't surprise you.

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    • 5d

      That was actully great, only thing is how do I find my weakness or what it is i do that keeps getting me rejected?

    • 5d

      Well, often the most simple explanation is targeting the wrong type of girls. We all know what we think we want but that can be quite different from what we actually need.

      Then there is the approach strategy. Some guys will just walk up and ask a girl out. That causes the girl to make an instant appraisal of the guy and a fairly instant decision over whether she is interested or not. If you are lucky enough to be one of those guys that has instant appeal, be it looks, body, personality, confidence, whatever, then it might work for you. For the rest of us mere mortals it might not be the best strategy. It's a bit like if you are trying to integrate into a new group and you have a really particular personality type. If you are too bold and loud then you force people to make an instant decision, they will either like you or loathe you. However, if you go in a bit more neutral and then bring in your personality gradually you don't tend to invoke peoples' defences.

    • 5d

      The same can be applied to girls. You can start out with a more neutral position, less full on. Find a reason to engage them in conversation about something more neutral. As the conversations become more often and you become more familiar to them you slowly push the agenda in the right direction, bringing in more of your personality. Make sure to be true to what you are looking for, be bold enough to flirt. Don't try to be just a friend or the friend zone awaits. But just do it as an incremental process, slowly getting past her defences and disarming her with charm and conversation.

  • The biggest injustice about this is that girls are almost never at risk of being single throughout all or most of their 20s compared to guys are, whenever some surpasses their mid-20's and beyond without ever having had a relationship before, its usually guys.

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