Could you please help me out. Please give some advices. I'm so worn out. I love him so much and don't know what to do and it's upset me?

My boyfriend n are together for 3 years n we decided to get married in a year. He is a nice, funny and faithful guy. He pays for my bills and foods since I'm in school n I don't work. other than that he spends money wisely and like to save. Therere some issues been addressed but not resolved. He doesn't want to attend my family functions n I told him how important it is for me to have him there. He doesn't like to go out with my friends because he doesn't like them and he always has something judgmental to say about them. So I haven't hung out with my closed friends for a while. He criticized my cousin bc she slept with so many guys and she's only 17. He always judges people' s past and hates people that goes out and sleep with others. He hates it that I slept with one guy before him. He doesn't like the fact I idolized male singers bc he thinks he's not good enough and that I want someone better than him. He wanted me to take off my nose ring and belly and I did it for him bc he said it hurts him so much when I wear them n it makes him think I was a bad or party girl sleeping around with so many people but I only sleep with one person. He doesn't want me to go to the bar and I didn't go. He wanted me to cook and eat at home more since it's so expensive to eat out a lot and he said we should just eat out 1 a week so I cook. I wanted to go shopping and he didn't want to go and spend money but he finally decided to go but want happy. I really like taking pictures and posted on facebook but he doesn't like it and he doesn't want to wear matching Tshirt but I kinda want to do sometimes for Christmas and Valentine's Day. I asked him if we can buy a matching ugly tshirt for Christmas but he said no we can just wear the old ones last year.

Updates:
10d I meant I have tried to please him and just wanted him to at least try to go out with my friends or go to family function with me couple times a year or taking pictures with me or wearing a matching shirt for Christmas n Valentine's Day but he can't even do those. I cooked for him and tried to make him happy but all he could said was he doesn't like it and don't force him. It's upsetting me too much and I can't stop thinking. Could you please tell me if I'm too selfish or exaggerating things?
10d Is he the problem or I'm the problem?

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What Guys Said 3

  • The problem sounds like. He thinks he is paying for you so that you have to act and do what he wants you two. He sounds like he is a control freak. He just wants to be comfy with you and just him. He has what he wants but you want to go have fun at your family functions. He does not want anything to do with them cause they would be a bother to him to go to. They also might realize how much he is using you.
    You just want some freedom which he does not want to give you. The problem is him not you sweety.

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  • He sounds very controlling, and if you marry him, for sure he will get worse about the controlling part.

    I know you have invested 3 years, but when you get out of school, stay single for a while and live a little Travel and buy ugly t shirts, ..

    But it's good you stopped with the nose ring. At least he has been good for you in that way!

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  • Divorces before a couple get married are a lot less costly than a divorce after getting married.

    $100 bet says you won't stay married til you are 35.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Have you tried compromising with him? If you have and it doesn't work, let me give some advice to this. What is his reasons for not wanting you to go to the bar? If you asked him to come along, would he come along? What you did before him should not matter if he loves you. Your past is your past and you have to own up to it. So what if you slept with a guy before him, he has no judgment in that because you both never existed. He does sound controlling and honestly, if he doesn't want to attend your family functions, I don't think this guy is worth it. He isn't recognizing your family as an important aspect of yours. Even though we don't like people it doesn't mean we shouldn't try to get along with them. Your soon to be husband, should love you for you. You changing your life and secluding you to just him is not good. You need to have your own social life and he needs to understand he cannot control you. He also seems to have insecurity issues due to your mention of your idolization of male singers. I think that you and him should seriously have a sit down and see where the both of you guys are going. State how you both feel and come with a compromise. Let me know if I missed anything or misunderstood, goodluck with what happens dear.

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    • 10d

      Thank you so much I will have a talk again with him this weekend when I'm done with school.

  • I think the problem starts from the very beginning.. you made him get used to you accepting whatever he asks you to do. Now it might be late to say that or to act like : no I can't do this or that.. It may look weird. but still you can talk to him and make him understand that you both have different interests and values maybe, but since you are in a relationship and planning to be a family, both of you need to compromise to be in a healthy satisfying relationship...

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