I got caught up in a whirlwind international romance and now I'm confused?

I live in Florida and I met a guy online who was from Scotland, travelling in the U. S. for work. After a lot of thought I decided to take a leap of faith and travel to Georgia to meet him. Things went great but we were both very clear from the beginning that we were not interested in having a fling, that we were looking for something serious. However, right after that, texts slowed down. It went from all day long to 5-6 per day. 2 weeks later I was in Boston with my family and he was in NYC. He took a bus and met me in Boston and we spent the day together and he stayed the night at my parents house. 1 week after that, he was in Toronto finishing up his trip and invited me to come so I went to Toronto for 3 days. I bought my plane ticket but he paid for everything when we were there. He was affectionate, caring and chivalrous the whole trip! He is a great photographer and took lots of pictures, some with me, but he didn't post any of them on social media. I know he's a private person and his social media pages are mainly for work so I didn't press it. When I left it was a bit emotional and we said we would try to see eachother again. I never got the impression that he was lying to me at any point. He seemed sad we were parting as well. Even after 3 full days together, he still barely texts me. He was posting yesterday online but didn't text me until 10:30 p. m. We had a phone call scheduled for 4 p. m. today. At 4:25 after not hearing from him, I called him and he didn't answer. He texted a few minutes later asking if I was around. He apologized - said he was writing a work email. He's back in Scotland now so there is a 5 hour time difference and he's only been back for 1 day, so I'm trying to be understanding but I feel like maybe he's not that interested in me anymore. Maybe he did just want a fling? I really like him but I feel like I'm not a priority. I've been single for a while so am I just out of the loop on guy's behavior these days? Any insight would help!

Updates:
6d Wasn't enough room to add - I just got home from this trip on Sunday (it's Tuesday)!

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What Guys Said 2

  • It sure sounds like a fling so I would try not to get too worked up over it. I mean, there's so much going against this actually working so to be honest, if things did work out, it would have been amazing. Instead, what you describe is probably more in line with what you should have expected. There are romantic dreams and there's reality and the reality is that in the end, it's going to almost always be just a fling. For one, you guys met online where you're left with hundreds of holes about each other and these holes are invariably filled with positive things -- many of which are debunked when you finally meet. Secondly, with the incredible distance, are you two really ready to give up your lives to move closer to each other? I think that when that reality sets in, most people aren't.

    Lastly, I used to travel a lot for work and I'm not going to say that he's doing this exactly, but... Before I took a business trip to Kansas City, North Carolina, Michigan or whatever, I would start hitting on women from that area and after talking to them for a couple weeks, I would present something like "Hey, have you ever eaten at Bluestem? The reviews online say it's amazing and there's a production of Cabaret playing at the Starlight. I think you should let me come out there and take you out." We'd go out, we'd have a great time, and yeah, I would cool on the girl because it was just a fling. I might see her again, but it would be solely on my terms. I feel sort of dirty telling you this, but it's the truth of my hyperactive-career lifestyle.

    So yeah, I'm not saying he's doing this, but what happened makes a lot more sense as a fling than anything else. Maybe if this were a Hollywood movie it would be different and I still could be wrong... but probably not.

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    • 6d

      I think based on the amount of time we actually spent together, it didn't feel like a fling to me. Meaning, it was only mildly sexual. We did more things like museums, aquariums, touristy things. When I first started talking to him I thought he was just looking for a hookup but after several days of talking online and knowing we probably were never going to meet, he still said those weren't his intentions. He told me multiple times that he would like to have a wife and kids in the near future so that's where his mind is at right now. Thanks for your honesty!!

    • 6d

      Right, but I did that too. I'm into restaurants, museums, and theatre. Like for the Kansas City women, I would take them to Bluestem for dinner, stop by the little artisan ice cream shop downtown for a late dessert, I'd take them to the Nelson-Atkins museum, the museum of money (there's a Federal Reserve Bank in KC), visit the Steamboat Arabia exhibit, do a tasting tour of BBQ restaurants (KC is known for BBQ) where we'd order food at each place, take only one or two bites and move on. I'm not from Kansas City nor did I know anything about the place, but this is the type of thing I'd plan and do. I think that when you go out with a guy who makes more money, the dates are just different because guys like that need more in their life than just hotel sex.

      But you know, I could be wrong and I'm rooting for you two.

    • 6d

      Haha thanks!

  • Yes meeting someone long distance can be hard on one. This situation can be a touch and go one, which means it could be that the guy just wanted a fling or it could be that he is very busy but if he can't make time for a relationship than you need to give this a second thought on whether you want to pursue this anymore than what you have done already, my opinion i couldn't take the stress i would have to meet someone whose at least in the US if it was me unless that person would want relocate someday to the US. But than again it's hard for one to change their ways of life when it happens to be that your both from two
    different countries.

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    • 6d

      I haven't ruled out moving there - I'm not a big fan of the U. S. right now and I'm Scottish myself, so I think it would be kind of cool.

    • 6d

      Well best wishes in whatever you choose. :)

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he realized that it would be fruitless to be pursuing that due to the long distance. Or maybe he started dating other girls.

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    • 6d

      Just an update: I just got home from this trip on Sunday (it's Tuesday)!

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