Why are men attracted to things that their girlfriend doesn't have? Is it because of me putting energy into it?

Hi. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3.5 months. I am so happy... waited 7 years for this. So, when we first got together, he was so attracted to me but I think my insecurities have made him to think other women have assets more attractive than mine. I understand that maybe women can make a girl seem more attractive if we act insecure. But I have been cheated on in the past and compared to women by my exes, so I felt the need to ask my boyfriend questions about the way guys think and things like that. Maybe it wasn't a good idea... because it went from him being a butt guy, to him I notice noticing girls cleavage and confidence with their big breasts.

My body type, is petite. I am 5'2 and 112ish lbs. My thighs and butt are more dominant than my breasts. I sometimes notice him looking in the direction of when women are bending down showing their cleavage and walking confidently with their large breasts. He said he doesn't care about breasts from the beginning, and I believe him, but he also hasn't been with many women in his life so I am unsure if he can be satisfied for the rest of his life with me. Also, we were in bed, and he was grabbing my butt saying my butt is his ideal butt. I asked him "what about my boobs", and he hesitated, and said of course.

Is it the bad energy I have given off, or is it really what he is attracted to?


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What Guys Said 11

  • Men are attracted to many things. Have you ever heard men have the drive to "spread the seed"? That means we are physically drawn to like 85% of the women in existence. So many of these questions. @_@

    I'll try to make this one short. Women don't typically look at other men unless they are unsatisfied and looking to trade up. Men do. Men can look at other women all day long and still be satisfied with their partner.

    In essence, you can never fulfill him totally, physically. Not on that instinctual level of "must see boobs; must see ass". That's not the part that matters. It's meaningless. It means nothing. It's is as if you were staring at a particularly delicious cake.

    You will never be the hottest chick on the planet. You most likely will never be a man's physically ideal. That's not the part that matters. You are not perfect, and you never will be.

    Men do not give a fuck about insecurity. See. That's it right there. You're projecting your female thinking onto him. He's not a female. Just because he is looking at other women doesn't mean that he is unsatisfied by you. That's just what men naturally do. Doesn't mean he will cheat on you. Doesn't mean he is not attracted to you.

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  • u should not try to push him to answer questions like that. itmakes u look bad. if u are proud of ur butt, then be proud of ur butt. if u think ur boobs are ur weak point, DONT try to force him to focus on them... that is stupid. and u are just going to upset him with this tactic. and u are making him probably appreciate girls with larger boobs by u beng a little brat in the bedroom. if u let him have his fun with ur butt, he would probably be fine. he can't miss what he does not know. u have a good advantage in that regard. dont push him into somtehing u sound like u know u will lose. there are plenty of things u can do that u can highlight ur butt and keep him happy. i hated my gfs who KNEW their boobs were not as nice as my exs and they kept going on and on and on about it. it just pissed me off more and more. it was already settled they had nicer tits... why do u keep talkinga bout it? im sure its the same, ur just going to upset him, focus on ur best features and keep him happy.

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  • I'd say your insecurities are getting the better of you and knocking your confidence. Body attributes are one thing and I swear even if there was a perfect shape the guy that had that in his girl would still look at other women , it's just the type of animal we are enjoy what he loves about you and return the same with him and just enjoy each other :)

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  • You don't develope blinders simply because you enter a relationship. Of course he's going to notice cleavage as I'm sure you notice cleavage. You're putting way to much thought into this.

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  • I don't get why girls never get this: Your boyfriend may look at another girl but he ended up shooting you over her

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  • Because he is. But he's committed to you. So it will only just be something to be admired from afar for him, if he's honorable. But if he finds more happiness with what you have, won't be a problem.

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    • 1d

      Interesting... so if he finds more happiness with what I "have", won't be a problem. What do you mean by that? What I have? So how would he find more happiness with my breasts if they aren't "ideal" to him?

    • 1d

      Alright, calm your tits for a second. Most women don't have EVERYTHING EVERY OTHER woman has. There's too much variety. I've also seen girls criticize guys for checking out other girls because they see those same features their SO has. So they essentially criticize themselves. It's possessive and unhealthy. Committment is just a choice. So he can possibly lust for other things, but it's his SO he'll go to to slake his thirst. That's how affection grows along with attachment.

  • He wouldn't be with you if boobs mattered so much.

    I've seen 300lb girls act more sexy than a girl with a rock star body because of their fun personality & confidence.

    You have nothing to worry about at 112lbs. Trust me.

    Rock that body!

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  • maybe his preference is bigger breast but he is perfectly happy with yours. a rule of thumb I live by look once I'm a man look twice I disrespected my other but look 3 times and I've crossed the line

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  • I look at big breasts mostly because it's kinda like looking at a giant tree in front of you. You can't miss it, even if you aren't looking for it. I'm a huge fan of the ibtc so it's always "Damn it! Stop being so right in my face! Eww". Lol.

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  • May be he is attracted to other body parts. But you can definitely ask him to play with your boobs more.

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  • even if your boyfriend is attracted to things you don't have , look at what makes him attracted to you and work on improving it , don't focus on physical stuff they change focus on character

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      makes sense. I notice the more I get mad about stuff and act in ways that could hurt him, the more he seeks comfort in other things.

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    • 1d

      thank you.

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      you are welcomed if you needed more advice feel free to contact me

What Girls Said 2

  • Your boyfriend sounds like a vain type of guy. And with the way he is going, you will never be 100% satisfied or comfortable when your out with him. I have been with guys who made me feel this, I would constantly question what type of females they like or look at their exes and end up being devastated because I felt like I wasn't as prettier as they were. Its not good to put that much pressure on yourself, also he should be the one trying to make you feel comfortable when he is around you not staring openly at women. If im on a date with a guy and he does that, that will be the first or last date. Its very rude, unattractive and makes me think me think he doesn't have self control.

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  • Ya like at school the guys hitting on me usually have a girlfriend who doesn't have big breasts (like me) and it annoys me that they won't just break up with these girls rather than try to cheat on them. Or like my ex, i told him from the jump that I wanted to wait til marriage. Yet he chose to cheat on me and have sex with my so-called friends who were down to give him some. Smh. But im not just judging boys, i know its some girls out there who cheat on their men if his "size" doesn't please them and all that crap. Its ridiculous. People should stop settling and just go for what they want.

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