Should I ask this guy if he's not interested anymore :(?

[Anonymous]

Can someone explain this to me? I'm completely at a loss here.

I've been dating this guy for nearly 2 months. We're not exclusive yet, but we're not dating other people either. He lives locally so it's easy to meet up and arrange dates, often spur of the moment. Thing is, I feel the communication and arranging to do things has become a bit one-sided lately. I've initiated the last few dates, and when he's away on weekends (he's been away twice), he barely keeps in touch. The same applies when I go away to see a friend or family. I'm not asking for constant texts or phone calls.

It's come to a point that when I say goodbye to him, there's no real indication or plan when we can see each other next. I feel like I've done most of the effort lately, and he's not really that bothered. He's currently gone back to a job he hates (he originally quit) so I know he's been stressed out with that, but his lack of communication is beginning to annoy me. Sometimes he does take a while to respond to texts, he's a naturally forgetful guy, but now it all seems like he's not bothered.

How do I address this to him without accusing him? Do you think he's lost interest?

Should I ask him if he's not interested anymore?

Usually when this happens I end up pulling away and start looking elsewhere but I do like this guy.

[Browneye57]

Why can't you two sit down and have a serious conversation? Or has that gone out of style too.

When someone does things that irritate - frame the conversation that way. For example, "When you don't respond it makes me feel rejected." Not, 'you make me this or that'. Own your feelings, own your shit.

Like so many young girls, they are giving up their sex freely so there is no impetus for a guy to commit. If you're screwing him regularly he's likely lost all respect for you - we call it being a cum-dumpster. Don't do this.

[madforjs]

I have faced this situation. I have been this guy not once but twice in three years.

Resons were job family etc. Maybe different. But do wait. Until he mood is all happy and not occupied but still ignores you.

Meaning, if he is set all in his life. Which few people feel omce in few months, they will give all of theirs.

This would happen in all life's, every relationship. Be patient :)

[Asker]

Thanks for the comment. I don't believe he is all set in his life presently.. the job is only temporary and he wants to look for a more career-facing job in the New Year but i'm beginning to feel impatient by this seeming lack of interest from him. I want to talk to him about it but in a non-confrontational way. Any ideas would be great :)

[madforjs]

Get him cozy, take him for a coffee, ask him and find out what is short term and long term goals are. Help him set them. Create a to do list for him. Talk about it and your love to him, bingo! Both win

[madforjs]

Also, help him full fill that to do list!

[madforjs]

The sooner the list is completed, the better the relation is. The longer the to do list is, the deeper he will fall in again for you! All the best

[Asker]

Thanks again for your reply, but I feel he should be doing this himself - work-wise and stuff. I've talked to him about what he plans to do, and I've offered some ideas, but what he does with that is up to him. Maybe he needs to figure that out before being with anyone.

[madforjs]

yes, you are right. he will decide. just help him focus. it helps

[Asker]

Thanks, I will.

[Anonymous]

No, don't address him about it. Now just wait and see if he initiates. Wait 3-4 days. If he doesn't text or call, you know what it means.

[writing_essays]

Don't initiate. Wait for him to call you. Some guys get bored if the girl is chasing after them and offering them freebies.

[Battooot]

Communication is a huge key in any relationship. If both parties do not communicate whats on their mind to the other then they will never be on the same page. You gotta talk to him and tell him exactly what you just told us, and then observe his reaction/reply. Tell him that youve been feeling he's being away and distracted and that he lost interest, and if thats the case then you want him to tell you that so you dont waste time emotional ffort on him.

As for him being so distant like that, i believe you are right. When i really like a girl, il reply to her right away the moment i see her text most of the time. When i lose interest in a girl i won't even text her for a long time and won't reply as fast. You girls do the same thing if not worse

[Battooot]

But first wait 4 days without contacting him to see if he initiates or not. then do what i said above

[jayphill2]

I've been on both sides to this... as of now I'm going through the same thing with this girl a really like. One thing I think is 100% true people make time and effort if they WANT to. We all got problems and issues in our life but if the right person text we will respond. If we really want someone we will put forth effort.

[Asker]

Thank you for the opinion. So from you're saying, this guy may not be fully interested in me? I don't want to waste my time.

[jayphill2]

I don't wanna say that cause that might be the case in my situation... try easing up and see if he makes any effort. If he doesn't then you'll know.

[Asker]

Ok thanks. I'll see what happens. What's happening in your situation?

[jayphill2]

Mines is so unappreciative. Like if I see she's low on gas I put it in her car, if she hints about a bill I will help her with it, good with her family and friends, I literally spoil her cause I love her. But she is so unappreciative. it's rare she even does anything for me, and not asking a lot!

[Asker]

Hmm. That's not acceptable behavior, but some people just do it without realising. I would speak to her about it.

[jayphill2]

Like talking to a wall 😒

[Asker]

Does she deny it? Maybe give an ultimatum if it's really affecting you and the relationship.

[jayphill2]

she says it's not on purpose

[Battooot]

@jayphill2

You realize she purposely hints the bill so you pay for her right? I really hate girls like that.
Bro you should know that you can Never Ever be with an unapreciative girl. Cause that tells you a lot, A LOT, about her personality and what type of girl she is.

[Battooot]

I can list you a number of things of what this one word 'unapreciative' says about her personality right now without even needing to meet her. This is actually one of the huge dealbreakers for me when it comes to a girl or any person in the matter of fact.

[jayphill2]

@Battooot I really do realize that bro I really do. Thing is she wasn't always so unappreciative just the past few months. So I'm not sure if she thinks I have to do it cause I know I don't. I do love her so I can't just let her struggle but eventually I know something is gonna have to give. To be honest I kinda hope it's this little phase we going through.

[jayphill2]

Start the list then bro I'm all ears and willing to take advice

[Battooot]

Hm if it just started recently then it maybe that she just got too used to it or maybe even lost interest and thought of you as a beta person who'd do anything for her (which shouldn't be the case, she gotta earn your spoilage and your love).

As for the list man, first thing it tells me is that she's selfish and even self centered. It tells you that she likes free stuff and doesn't mind to take advantage of people for that.
It also tells me that she's unsmart and not genuinely nice. Cause only genuinely nice people and people who been through a lot of difficulties in life will value and appreciate what someone is doing for them. Those who dont, are usually people who never had a difficult life and have been taking and taking all their lives and rarely ever give. I could really go on more but i mentioned the important big deals. But you tell me if im right or not since you know her and i dont

[jayphill2]

it's been a year. I've asked her if she wanted to end things and answer was no. And I've tried talking away and she wouldn't let me. She has me around her family and friends. She also has kids just FYI, and I'm even good with the kids. We are both good looking so I it's not like I can't find anyone else. But I really just love her.

[Battooot]

and you love her why exactly?

I think she probly saying NO cause you helping her with finances/money.

[jayphill2]

things didn't start out like this, bringing she was very appreciative. Use to cook and clean for me and make sure I was straight before I left. So guess I'm just stuck on that... she still does it but not nearly as much

[Battooot]

there you go, she stopped the nice things she used to do. Is your turn to stop the nice things you used to do. Let's see if she will still want to be in a relationship afterwards or not. You also just explained to me what made you love her, which is sort of gone now, and it is making you frustrated. Looks like you are just emotionally attached to her.

Let me ask you something, is she showing you emotional attachment/connection? Or do you feel like she is being more away and more passive. Does she come to you and tell you she loves you and you guys make love with passion and flirt.. etc or did u guys never do that before?

[likitb4istickit]

Usually there's no need to ask. Actions speak louder than words and seems he's just getting dragged along for the ride like in Swiss Army Man. If he no longer makes any of the effort to meet up then find someone else, he's probably lost interest and doesn't want to outright say so (most guys don't want to possibly see or make their date cry).

[Kolya]

Go ahead and ask, at least you will receive an answer and will not be stuck with questions and doubts

[bjstevenson89]

If you have to ask then he's probably not interested.

[clampfan101]

Ask very casually, showing clearly that you want him to be.
Good luck!

[Cowboy6666]

Maybe he needs to figure that out before being with anyone.
Just PM me for further talks

[18to30only]

one sieded love is not wethy of keeping you know what I meen and I know you do

[Anonymous]

Yes ask
Him