He let me pay on the first date, what should I do now?

Question

So... there's a guy I found kinda cute so I suggested we should go to dinner together. We really hit it off and I found him very attractive. UNTIL the bill came. He let me pay for everything. ON A FIRST DATE!

I texted him about it later and he just said that since I asked him out I should pay? I told him 'no way not on a first date' and then he just blocked me? Wtf happened to chivalry? And besides he has a LOT of money, so it's not like he has money problems. My ex who was broke in comparison would never let me pay for ANYTHING.

I'm beginning to think he's either very cheap or just plain misogynistic. Should I try talking to him again and give him a second chance or move on?

hellionthesagereborn · Accepted Answer

Well he isn't misogynistic because of this, thats just stupid to claim that. What happened is after over twenty years of women claiming they want equality that they should be treated just a like a man, after years of women claiming that it should be the person who asks out the other that pays, in an attempt to shirk the responsibility for them to pay since it is almost always the man who asks out the woman, while claiming they are still being "fair" and "equal" about the situatoin, it bit you in the ass. He called you out on your and every other womans bullshit. The proper response is to say sorry you don't really believe in equality that you want your special privileges like the free meals (which you and many other women claim he wanted but only because you (and these women) lost their privilege to get it) and just admit your a hypocrit, that your sorry for it and you would like to try again but this time not be a hypocrit about it. Thats all you should do, just apologize admit you where wrong that you don't believe in equality that you want special treatment and you will be more honest about this in the future. Otherwise stop bitching because you got exactly what you and so many other women have claimed they wanted for so long. I mean you complaining about this is like complaining about how a guy expects more from you after he paid for everything, if he is not entitled to sex after buying you dinner then why the fuck are you entitled to a fee meal? Its really odd how women have managed to make themselves the victim regardless of the situation, if a guy is traditional he is an asshole, if he is non traditional he is still an asshole, if he pays he is sexist, if he lets her pay and does exactly what the woman wants he is an even bigger asshole. Its fucking absurd. Basically stop being a liar and a hypocrit and your problem fixes itself.

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

chivalry isn't paying for a first date. the expectation that a man pays for the first date is a sexist notion... him not paying isn't misogynistic (which means "dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women"). and you can move on if you want but it seems he's already moved on since he blocked you

most people don't really know what chivalry actually is. chivalry is not about how a man treats a woman but how a person should treat a person. it comes from the old days of knights performing good deeds. those deeds weren't specific to women but people in general. so modern acts of chivalry would be seen as giving money to a starving person, holding a door open, being polite and mannerly, respecting people, etc.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

If he blocked you that is a clear sign for you to just let it go. You can tell a lot about a person from the way they carry themselves and how they react to every situation. You saw the real him and it's not chivalry. But I do understand what he is saying. You did ask him out, therefore he would be expecting you to pay for the 1st date. I blame the feminist movement crap that people are making it. At this point, stop going after guys just because they look attractive and nice because it's all an act until you see how they react to things. And you feel for the "He's nice and handsome" act. You understand? It was JUST an ACT. It's that kind if attitude guys are doing now is why some women are not asking men out as often. Not every woman ASKED for equality. Some like me are traditional and have no beef with it. Don't need to use a man for his money, I make my own. That's one of the reasons why I went out to places on my own, with my own money by myself. It's sad. Just move on. Next time don't ask, you let a guy who's interested ask you and you make it very clear what you will and won't do before you go out on the 1st date. You offer, but do make it clear from the beginning.

Arinico777 · Accepted Answer

Well, maybe he thought you were going out with him for his money. When you said: "he has a lot if money.", That means you were aware that he was rich and in my opinion, he was maybe testing you out. If he is attractive ad you say so, and is rich, you think you're the only girl that has asked him out? If you did, then you're wrong. Yes, on a first date I think it's nice when the guy pays. But you guys could've split it. Or take turns. But the whole blocking you could mean that he thought you were a gold-digger. Maybe you're not, but maybe that's what he thought. My solution? There are two. A) You could clear out the air with the guy, to clear out if there's any misunderstandings. Or B) As crazy as it sounds, when you go out on a date first ask him how does he feel about first dates, what does he tend to do or feel and maybe fly over there how does he feel about the woman paying the first date. These days, if what you're looking for is the chivalry we used to have ages ago, it's too rare to find.

AthleticMom · Accepted Answer

YOU asked him out = etiquette says ONE point for him
YOU must have offered to pay something/all (as if a test?) = waiter & him say OK, it's not as large a bill as rent or car payment = ONE point for him
You carped about it AFTER the fact, placing him in a position of UGH you want cash? or (opportunity) May I take you out to an equal or better place of your choosing? = minus ONE point for you

As for him, not fighting for at least half the bill, even if losing = NOT a great boyfriend to be
Blocking you so immature, forgiven only if under great stress and burned in past by too many fights with gals, ergo no drama allowed thereafter in his life.

SImply the wrong choice you made, then you whipped him for not being what you hoped?

What we CAN agree upon = my opinion here
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2213664-is-it-acceptable-to-split-the-check-on-the-first-date

TechieMatera · Accepted Answer

When I ask someone out, it's because I have the necessary means to pay for dinner and plan on being able to pay for both of us. If they offer to pay, I usually decline unless they insist. It's just common courtesy since I invited THEM. If it were the other way around, I wouldn't expect them to pay for me, but I would be welcome to the idea since dinner was their idea. I also don't mind splitting the bill.
You clearly need to re-evaluate "bill" etiquette and understand that the price of equality is actually paying for your own damn meal every once in a while.

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

You offered the dinner, you offered to pay, and you're pissed that he didn't pay?

Woman, dafuq kind of entitlement issues do you have? His penis doesn't mean he has to pay for you, especially since the date was your idea. If anything you two could have split, and if you wanted him to pay so bad you could have made that clear instead of being indecisive.

Welcome to the 21st century, where equality means you can no longer expect gender perks. Lol.

XRabbitHeartX · Answer

I've never been on a first date where I was asked to pay everything. It has always been half or he pays and then the next date I usually say is on me and I make sure to do something in return. Don't listen to other people. There are still guys out there who are gentlemen and act chivalrous. Of course, you need to be a lady then as well and act in similar fashion and be courteous at the same time.

snowangle · Answer

He doesn't sound misogynistic to me. He sees you as a capable, independent woman who can treat a man to dinner.

However I'm not a huge fan of his response "Since you asked me out, you should pay." I don't know, it seems rude for him to just expect you to pay. Now, if you offered to pay and he accepted, that's fine and great (and you shouldn't get mad in that case since you did offer). Just "expecting" someone to pay isn't cool; I don't expect that from my friends or even my parents so why should I expect it from a first date, who I don't even know well? If he offers, that's nice of him and I'll accept, but otherwise I'm readily prepared to pay my half (or the whole thing, if I like him and I'm good with money at the moment).

I hope that bit of rambling made sense. But anyway, I think this bridge has been burned so I don't think there's any point trying to talk to him again.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. You suggested it, then you pay.

Why did you assume he should pay for a first date?
Buy assuming that, you are saying that your time is valuable and he should pay for your time. You are saying his time isn't valuable. It's a very sexist and socially outdated idea. It has nothing to do with chivalry. Men are not our bank accounts, our protectors, or our slaves. It's a very spoiled narcissist mindset especially you calling him misogynistic. It's girls like you that are making a lot of guys giving up on women.

He blocked you... he doesn't want "a chance". He gave you yours and YOU failed. You are not the kind of female he wants in his life. *One that expects him to be subservient to you.

MrMysteryMan · Answer

Sounded like a test to me. Since he has a lot of money, as well, he probably did that to see what kind of reaction you would make if he let you pay for the bill. I'm sure he was well aware of the fact that a guy is usually expected to pay for the evening and it wasn't about the money. Also, because he has a lot of money he probably wanted to see if you were expecting him to pay because of the money he has. I'm not sure what you ordered, as well, but if you ventured into the expensive areas of the menu, this was maybe part of the test. Most guys, especially if he has money to burn, won't think twice about paying for dinner. Hence the reason why he blocked you after you complained about it as well.

Baumber · Answer

You do realize he was probably testing you. You know, since he has a lot of money he has to keep an eye out for those that may take advantage of him. In his eyes, you're just another gold digger.

I'm guilty of this at times. If the girl knows anything about me then they know I come from a family with a lot of money that will one day be my trust fund. But on top of that I have a very good job for a 21 year old. All my life I've had to keep an eye on my friends that have come and gone to make sure no one is just using me for my money... happens a lot more than you think! So, if there is a girl that I would definitely consider dating then I might pull the same stunt he did. If I ask her out then I will definitely pay, but if she asks me out and puts off the wrong vibes then I may be let her pay.

You failed the shit test.

Afro-dite9 · Answer

Whenever I ask someone to go out to get food or the movies or whatever I always pay for us. And if they ask me I'm always prepared to get my half at least. That's just how I am. Whom ever initiated the date should pay. I wouldn't go as far as calling him cheap or misogynistic over that😕 I'm sure if he asked you he would have payed cause he genuinely wanted to hang and if not always be ready to grab your half. You shouldn't compare one man to another hell because he has money doesn't mean he owes you his wallet. He could have even been testing you, you never know. I think you made it awkward after that text.

That1tallguy · Answer

Like most people already stated you can't ask some one out and expect him to pay the one who makes the plans pays vice versa. You both made unnecessary assumptions he should have offered to a least split the bill but you shouldn't have been surprised if you end up paying. He blocked you so he's Cleary over you i think since he has money and doesn't want to be taken advantage of he gave you a shit test to see how you would react and you failed. Forget about a second chance it's over the quote of the day "no expectations no disappointments"

Sara413 · Answer

You say he "let" you pay - does that mean you offered? It's totally reasonable and normal to let you pay if YOU asked him out and you offered to cover the bill when it came. Why did you text him about it after? How did you think that was going to go? It just makes you look bitchy.

If you don't want to pay, don't make the offer!

Should have just left it and let him pay next time. Then, for he didn't offer to pay for the second date, consider that maybe he's cheap.

kaylaS91 · Answer

I'm not really sure how you would come to the conclusion that he's a person who hates or doesn't trust women purely because he 'let you' pay for everything. Or, to phrase it in a not so dramatized way, for one meal in whole.

Everyone has their own norms for who 'should' pay. Some think the man should always pay. Others will say whoever does the asking out should pay. Others, like myself, think it's perfectly okay if everyone pays for themselves, or you can alternate with who pays if you're dating/together (which is what my boyfriend and I do).

You can't really argue that it's 'fair' to be treated as an equal if you expect someone to pay for you as if you're incapable of making an income of your own.

GingerGuy · Answer

Agree with others, sounds like you're done for him so it would be him giving you the second chance. But, you did ask him on the date (women often use this excuse on us - ie, he asked me so he should pay). Having said that though I would have offered to pay for my meal at least. I think the first date, regardless of who asks who, should be split. Each pay for their own. After the 1st date, then it can be whatever is agreed upon. It sounds like you have a very serious issue with this though so in the future, maybe make that clear to the guy before you go out. That he either needs to pay for his own meal or that you expect him to pay.

AdamThomas · Answer

Haha, whenever the topic of paying on a first date comes up, girls usually say either "yeah we can split it or if he wants to pay that's fine" or they more often say "whoever asks the other person out should pay", knowing that it's usually the man who asks out the woman. Now he's just followed exactly what women say is true. Why are you mad? You want the same pay as a guy, same job opportunities, to be treated just the same as guys get treated, right? Maybe he's no a misogynist. He sounds like a good feminist to me, holding you to the same standard as a man. Isn't that what you burnes your bras for?

Or is this equality thing bullshit? I thought so.

IceCubedude · Answer

You asked her out and he let you pay right? i will tell you why he did that, he either have had bad experiences with women or he knows how to play it safe.

you'd be surpirsed how many women ask guys out to get a free meal or use a guy to get free stuff, a friend was telling me yesterday about his classmate who offered to pay for a girls food once at college, and everyday she hints at him that he should pay for her food and he does (doormat mothafker)

in short you wanted the date not him, so expecting him to pay and even telling him shows one thing, you were using him to get a free meal, women might think the guy is cheap but no he is smart.

pavlove · Answer

second try? he blocked you. Sounds like you're the one in need for a second chance.

Look, it's too much energy to fight everyone who thinks it's ok to define chivalry by paying for someone who's fully capable of paying for herself. You're not going to change or care about logic.

But consider that you have FUNDAMENTAL differences of opinions on dating. Are you really that compatible? This is a difference which is going to cause a lot of tension in a later relationship don't you think? Sounds like the guy just knows what type of female he wants and was ok to move on. You should find your white knight

Izumiblu · Answer

He's cheap, dont bother. THe fact that he just let you pay and offered nothing and was frank about it and then blocked you all indicates he is a cheap guy.

That being said, you asked him out, you should expect yourself to pay. THen judge the guys like this.

If they do not offer to pay, give them the opportunity to ask you out on the next date.
If they offer to pay half, pay the whole thing and dont talk to them again.
If they insist on paying for the whole thing, go ahead and pay, but this is the guy that most likely has a more traditional view of relationships.

If they ask you out, they should pay without question.

GoodLuckCharlie · Answer

Personally, I don't think you have the right to call him cheap when you invited him over and is now complaining on GaG about how you had to pay. So if he had paid for everything, you're cheap? Maybe he didn't bring his wallet cuz he expected you to pay. This is nothing about being cheap or misogynistic. He just has a different mindset from you. I don't approve of his actions, but you have to be more understanding if you're the one who invited him. It's also funny how you're ok with it when your ex pays for you, but you gotta complain to the other guy when he doesn't pay. Maybe he thought you were being too clingy and blocked you.

Anonymous · Answer

"What should I do now?" get over and let the guy do the asking out next time. He probably blocked you case he probably felt you where being a hypocritical feminist, you want rights equal rights except when you don't benefit from it. Everyone know's the person who does the asking out pays for the date even if the person doing the asking out is a woman.

s2.quickmeme.com/.../...e96ad4f80386dd7745efe1.jpg

Anonymous · Answer

>women say "whoever asks, pays"
>Asker asks
>she pays
>shitstorm issues

Why the fuck is this even an issue? I would've blocked your ass too. It shows that you're too focused on money as opposed to quality time. And why do you expect him to pay? Not everyone follows 17th century standards. If he's chivalrous, what do you provide in return? Sorry, but your sorry ass isn't worth chivalry. A woman worth being chivalrous is strong, independent, and doesn't bitch when she has to pay for a fucking dinner.

TCJ1234567 · Answer

Don't want to be mean, but women want everything good thing to be equal, but every hard stuff should still be the guy.

I always pay, unless I think it is going to start a fight, but I don't usually date them again if there is a fight like that.

Even though, I always pay I understand what the guy is saying. You invited him out and you asked to pay and from the sound of it, didn't complain until there was nothing for the guy to do because it was the next day.

There is nothing wrong with asking a guy out and it is nice to offer to pay, but don't be mad when the guy takes you up on it, just don't go out with that guy again.

Kroakies_krickees · Answer

It's really not a huge deal who pays in the first date, if you ask me. Some people do believe that the asker should pay. It's nothing to end your relationship over though, that's ridiculous. Plan to pay for things every other date, or to go Dutch (split the whole bill evenly) to make things easier. Or if you want a foolproof plan, always pay only for your portion, and he his own. That way there are no arguments down the line. I also think you should apologize to him. This sounds like a lack of communication on the part of both of you.

He let me pay on the first date, what should I do now?

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