Is it a bad idea to date someone "out of your league"?

[Corinx45]

I've recently started dating a guy, who is very obviously too good for me. So far it seems to be going good but its very obvious that i do not match up to him whatsoever.. He's 28, very successful, obviously comes from money, owns his own home and multiple nice cars, has a very good job, very responsible, has almost every positive quality you can think of.. His job requires him to be surrounded by beautiful models almost 24/7, all his ex-girlfriends are 100% perfect, don't get me wrong, i'm slightly above average looking, but these girls look like super models.. which i certainly am not.

Me on the other hand, I'm 22, i have an OK job, but my career is just getting started, broke, a little bit of a party animal (maybe a lot), a cheap crappy apartment, I don't come from money (or really much of anything)..

I guess what I'm asking is, shouldn't two people in a relationship be equals? Is he really going to want to be with a person that is so inferior to him?

[ebbyeb]

Okay! First off! Stop assigning a low value to yourself! That only makes you present yourself even less to the world! Just because he's successful and bright doesn't mean that he's above you in any way! He's chosen to date you for a reason! Whether it be to take a break from all of those previous supermodel material girls, or maybe he genuinely likes you! Girls who're extremely pretty know it, and often flaunt their personalities in sharp and sassy ways. They often resort to using their good looks into pressuring others to give way and give them what they want. It's possible that he got tired of girls like that and simply finds you stunning! He seems very intelligent, so he most surely knows what he truly wants and is looking for. You shouldn't feel pressured to be like his exes, because remember, they're his EXES. He obviously broke up with them for a reason, so you shouldn't become like them! Just be yourself and don't feel bad about your living situation or about how much money that you have or don't have. Just be yourself because that's what likely attracted him in the first place! :) I hope this helps!

[kitty71]

Good question and interesting put. I always wonder the same thing when it comes to any kind of relationship when one of the parties is out of your league, not because the money , education issue but even the profession.
But I guess some people are very shallow and superficial and only date people who are in the same circle as them or similar. For example lets put fitness models, trainers, body builders, Why a normal attractive lady who does not own the type of body those people have can't even hang out with them much less date them? Beause those people only like to hang out with people who are similar like them therefore they only date people in their same circle and understand them and share the same goals as them, they won't be dating someone who does not understand them. Noone is inferior than others and beauty is in the eye of the beholder but some people unfortunately do not believe so and are more superficial and shallow in that department.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is tired of that fake perfection that models have. Maybe he is tired of having a really hot girlfriend, maybe his exes cheated on him, maybe they were just pretty, maybe he doesn't want to be surounded by models anymore but prefers someone who is real. By the way if you're above average looking I don't think you should worry. I know that people usually say that personality matters and it became such a cliche but it is true. How many times have I seen a girl or guy with much 'uglier' looking partner (don't implying that you are uglier than him, but I just wanted to emphasize the difference that you feel exists) and that's because they wanted that girl or that guy. That means that person probably has something else to make those 'beautiful' people want them and not other beautiful people.

[TadCurious]

I would encourage you to not be so hard on yourself. And what you've done is make a laundry list of all the ways you think you're not worthy. That's self-defeating and. . . in a way it's unfair to this guy. That's because if you continue with this "I'm not good enough" thing it's going to sabotage the relationship. We tend to not see ourselves the way other people do. Why can't you just accept the fact this guy wants to see you and thinks you're just fine the way you are? As for the money/job/material things thing, you're 22 and he's 28. He's going to have more than you in those departments. But that doesn't make you unworthy. And maybe he did come into some of his good fortune through family, but that doesn't automatically make him a bad guy or a snob. Where you are in your job, how much money you make, your financial situation, and your apartment don't make you inferior to him. Those things don't define a human being's worth. It may be that if you keep seeing this guy you'll come to see that he's not what you want in a guy. But don't sell yourself short and feel like you're inferior to him.

[bloodmountain1990]

Here's the golden rule.

NEVER say someone is out of your league. That is a very defeatist and negative thing to say about yourself. If they like you, they like you for a reason.

I've dated a wide variety of woman from very attractive to not so attractive. As cliche as it sounds, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What may be attractive to one may not be to another. After physical attraction, what matters is how much you click and if you're a match.

I've felt closer to some women who happened to be very physically attractive than those I wasn't but it wasn't solely their appearance. It's not a black and white thing.

[bloodmountain1990]

Having said all that. Don't put someone a pedestal either. No good comes from that either.

[bloodmountain1990]

Also, while his ex's could be supermodels, they are still not perfect. Why? Because no one is.

[bloodmountain1990]

thanks for most helpful guy

[BestBud]

So what if you say you are inferior to him? That's probably not how he sees you. Try bringing up this topic with him. Maybe you just intrigue him and he just wants to know you better. Who cares about who's in whos league. As long as you like each other it shouldn't matter.

[IceCubedude]

in my honest opinion people know whos out of their league and who's not and dating someone who's out of your league can put a huge strain on you cause you usually have to do a lot of things to keep the other person interested in you , sometimes it works out and the other person simply loves you and doesn't really have any expectations but take me for example.

a 22 years old college student, average body not fat or super skinny, 6'2 and girls say i have really good looks, however that doesn't mean i can date a hot girl who comes from a wealthy background and had 3-4 bfs before me who all were as rich as her, at some point she will realize i can't give her what she wants and problems will arise , so sometimes leagues mean looks sometimes it means how much money you've got, and in both situations its best to stick to people more similiar to us.

[That_Guy12]

From the sound of it he's probably sick of dating these stuck up hot chicks that take Ass selfies on instagram. Don't sell your self short girl. Your 22 prime of your life, just starting your career.. you got life by the balls and you sounds like a real independent women. That's sexy.. so play it by day. Do your thing. Get to know him, and let him get to know you. Life's a mystery garden, so dig it 😉

[JuicyBrain]

You said all his ex-girlfriends are 100% perfect. Why isn't he with them then? Is it possible that he decided that they are not what he wants in life and that you are what he wants? Maybe they were gold diggers and he wanted someone simple. Someone who would want to achieve success by herself. Someone who won't think she is entitled to everything. Maybe he thinks that's you ! Just keep being yourself and he might very well stick around.

[Tony1974]

Maybe he's with you because you are REAL.. unlike all the Barbie dolls he's around 24/7. Being of little means, forces you to grow in ways that those who do have $$$ never will. You develop personality, self-worth and know what you're capable of; life's struggles build character. You probably have a great sense of humor and are good company. Sounds like you know how to let lose at the end of the day; a balance of work and play are very important to some of us. Perhaps your his outlet from his stuffy, overbearing world, his refuge from a world that steals all his time and energy. I bet you genuinely enjoy spending time with him and being by his side.

[Izumiblu]

You are passing a lot of judgments on yourself for no real reason. Who the hell says you are not in his league? None of what ou said makes you less of a woman... and maybe he gets that better than you do.

[Cosytoasty]

Well said! A girl doesn't have to be "hot" for 28 year old guys to date her... :)

[NyomiMcClinton]

Maybe he finds women who are more settled in their careers boring and he wants someone he can help along with the way and love at the same time. If he is attracted to you and likes you, dont question it. Enjoy the moment while you can. But be mindful, that a man like him may not always be there to spend time with whenever you would like. 28 is still young tho.

[Felinegirl]

Ask him. He probably doesn't think you're inferior, otherwise he wouldn't be dating you right?
He probably doesn't care about your job or wealth or how much you look like a supermodel. He probably likes you for your personality and because he thinks you are beautiful just the way you are. He already has money, he doesn't need you to give him any more of that.
It's a good thing you respect him so much, but don't talk yourself down at the same time!

[Sorenome]

Maybe he noticed that the best girls are not the super hot models with perfect looks. Or super rich girls.

All accomplishments, careers, wealth, looks etc are very superficial and don't last forever. Everyone who has accomplished everything they wanted knows that it's not where the happiness what they were seeking lies.

You shouldn't think yourself as being in any "lower league" because your character is not sugar coated with the most glamorous superficial things.

[Streamhopper]

He saw something in you or you wouldn't be there. Don't sell yourself short. What you feel you look like is as subjective as what he thinks; and in this case, what he thinks is important. Or it could be your personality, or any number of things. Just be yourself and don't second guess yourself.

[Chico_brah]

Not really. It will lead to nothing but jealousy and other repercussions that will follow. Don't listen to these people saying that leagues don't exist. A question to ask yourself is if you are being rational though. Is this just insecurity that makes you feel inferior?

[Haldris]

Listen, he chose you, not those models. Which means that he's interested in you. I'm assuming he knows your situation and if it was ever brought up before, I don't think he cares. Give yourself some credit, you're trying and that's still great, you're not at home not working, nor are you mooching like a lot of girls. The point is, success, money whatever shouldn't matter I'd ypu care for/love the other person and accept everything they are.

[likitb4istickit]

Why do people always overthink things, look to the future, and then ruin it? Of course it's a bad idea, but who cares if you are enjoying the here and now. Just find another one when he eventually finds someone better than you, which will almost always happen anyway no matter who you are with, even if you are with an ugly guy beneath you.

[Prof_Don]

The backgrounds of the two people in the relationship isn't as important, as the compatible values each of them have. The economic backgrounds each of you have, are circumstances beyond your control.

Before he is in the position he is now, I can almost trust and believe that he was once broke, career just getting started, in a crappy apartment.

[CyberToothTiger]

You need to ask yourself things such as
How does the guy treat you?
Do you feel comfortable with him?
Does he spend quality time with you?

Honestly i never came from family with lot of money
so it would be hard for me to date a girl whose got lot money
I wouldn't judge her but than again i would keep wondering
how she feels about me and stuff so i would most likely want
date a girl who comes from the same style of life as myself.

[Anonymous]

If you love him and if he loves you, I think it should be okay. It doesn't matter about being perfect or not, if a guy loves you for who you are you should be flattered. By dating you he's saying that you are wonderful, and even better than all the other girls he's dated.

[aficionado]

Here you are talking leagues in terms of money.
If the man is richer (like in your case), it usually works.
If the woman is richer, it's highly unlikely to work.

[bloodmountain1990]

Not true. My brother's girlfriend makes more than he does and they're still happy together.

[Anonymous]

You're an inferior man to him, with your being less established and broke.

For the most part men don't care about that.

You're young and attractive. The more surprising part is that you claim to be significantly less physically attractive than his exes. It's possible he's fine with it, or it's possible that you underestimate yourself.

So he's late 20's and successful, and you're young and pretty. That's not an unusual match, lol.

[Ronin122]

There's no such thing called out of your league... There's lucky and unlucky... You haven't created yourself or choose the people and place you're born with... And as far as I know being with someone is because you like that someone not because of anything else

[CanadEh]

They should be equals yeah but how you evaluate that equality is up to you guys. He might not be looking at it the way you do and subsequently might feel you're his equal in the ways that matter to him while you're sitting there feeling you're not.