I’ve been with my (now) ex-girlfriend for over 8 years. We have known each other since we were about 9 or 10 and dated for the last 8 years or so – I’m now 26. Our relationship survived 5 years of long distance through my Uni, and 3 years ago I moved in with her. I’d made a decision to propose to her once I had a handle on my finances (got made redundant, changed job and moved flat within a year). And was due to go shopping for a ring within the next week.
She is my world and I could clearly see every detail of our future together. Then a couple of weeks ago, she said she didn’t love me anymore, and she wanted to break up. This was completely out of the blue. She’d been a little distant and been spending more and more time with her own friends but I put this down to a healthy social life and the stress of final year coursework.
She told me that she’d been considering this for months but tried to carry on until she was sure. And that was that. She wasn’t willing to try to see if we could fix it, or work at it anymore. I was and am absolutely crushed.
We’ve just moved into a new flat together on a 6 month contract, so I’ve moved my self to the spare room for some ‘space’, but in reality we can’t get away from each other in a small flat.
The 1st thing she said to me when she broke up is that there was no one else. But 2 days ago she went out with a friend for dinner and drinks. This friend of hers has been around on the scene for a couple of years and I’ve known for a long time that he likes her and she likes him – but that’s healthy, you can’t help if you like someone. I didn’t warn her off because I had complete faith that we were in a solid strong relationship.
Just as I thought that maybe I could carry on living in the flat for the remainder of the contract things would be OK – worst case scenario is that we stay friends – after 16 years, I’m finding it impossible to just turn my back on my oldest friend. Best case is that she’d fall in love with me again.
But now I find that she’s given me literally 10 days to come to terms with this before she’s moved on, and it’s unbearable.
I feel totally humiliated – I know him and he knows me. He knows we just broke up and he still went out on a date with my ex. The same goes for her – she knew how I felt about her and that I’m still in love with her, but she went out as well.
She’s had months to deal with this, and I’ve had less than 2 weeks, and have been absolutely shattered by it all. My entire life has disappeared and I’m left with nothing.
What makes me even madder is that after this date – this guy let my ex make her own way back through London to the east end by her self. I even waited up till 1am to meet her from the bus stop to walk her home, knowing in my heart even though she hadn’t told me yet that this was in fact a date.
How on earth do I move forward from here? What can I do to stop caring so deeply about her and getting hurt so
Most Helpful Guy
Unfortunately the relationship isn't based on how much you like/d her, it has to be both ways. And let's face it, there's a lot of evidence suggesting that not only was she not into your relationship for the last year or so, but she's been having an affair on the side.
C'mon, she told you she no longer loves you. If that's not a warning sign, I don't know what is.
So in terms of what you should do? Move out and get distance from her immediately. Then proceed to reconnect with your old friends and grab some independence back.2
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