Splitting the bill bothers me?

Now, i feel like i need to confirm something. If i go on a date with a guy, I have no problem splitting the bill. the thing is, if the guy doesn't offer to pay for me, I feel as if the date WASN'T going great. is this ok? I don't want to seem like a gold-digger, and i dont have a problem paying, but i still feel like if the guy doesn't offer, it wasn't a good date.

Updates:
I would like to clarify some stuff:
1. its JUST the offer i want. id still rather pay half, but offering to pay for the meal, for me, might show more of an interest
2. i have no problem paying for the guy, but i would not feel comftrble doing that on the first dates

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its this constant "need" women feel that guys should pay the entire bill. The cost of the meal goes hand in hand the real question isn't so much its a pain to split the bill. So much as WHY did he choose to split the bill in the first place rather than pay out of free will?

    Maybe the date wasn't as great as maybe it felt like it might be. Or it just ran out of steam. I mean the idea to pay for the whole meal shouldn't be expected to be done on the mans budget simply cause its chivalry. Guys go out of the way for girls if they get something in return (NOT meant in any sexual or financial advances.) Rather more like if the girl or woman they are dating leaves with genuine smile and is also on board to keep the "train" going.

    Then it feels like its how should I put it? An investment I guess? Into future potential pride and happiness.

    For me if your a woman and you expect the guy to pay then you better not let the date get dull for a single moment. Or it no ones fault he didn't pay except your own.

    Plus sometimes being able to see a woman be able to pay for her own meal also shows that she has pride in being self sufficient and lessens. The feeling that she is going to be needy or leeching off of the guy. And in my personal opinion the term "gold diggers" when it comes to women is on a whole separate league when it comes to women.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't understand your logic.

    If a guy sees you as an equal, and doesn't feel he needs to prove his interest by paying for your food, you assume the date hasn't went well?

    Women baffle me sometimes and I am a woman myself. Money spent is not an indication of interest. If anything if a guy feels spending money on you is the best way to indicate his interest, he likely sees you as less of a thoughtful and interesting person, as he's assuming monetary things like dinners and dates is all he needs to win you over. A guy who is trying to win you over with nothing but his mind and his company is somebody who sees you as more than an obligation.

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What Guys Said 24

  • Yeah, I feel the same if she doesn't offer to suck my dick after the date. I feel like she didn't like me... :(

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  • I agree with you. I will pay for the whole dinner. I do not believe in splitting a single bill, it is messy math and money wise. I like to take turns, I pay for one date, you pay for the next and so on. The only way I would make her split is if she turned out to be a super bitch right on the spot.

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  • Yes I think the guy should pay for the date, especially if he asked you out on the date. It's his invitation so he should be obligated to pay. Now if you asked him out, he would be less obligated to pay, he may wait for you to try to pay, but he should still pay. But the third scenario is if he's broke and doesn't make much money, but then he shouldn't ask you on the date if he can't (if needed) to pay it all.

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  • Is it acceptable to feel that way? I mean your emotions are what they are. They're not necessarily justified in this situation. But you're not wrong for having them. You probably "feel" like the guy should pay or should offer, but you want to pay for yourself. A weird dichotomy. I remember my sister a funny story with my sister.
    She was saying, "I want to be saved by a hero in shining armor, but I want to be badass enough to save myself".
    Me: "soooo. You want a guy to risk his life trying to save you, because he thinks you're in danger. When you could have saved yourself the whole time and waited there..."

    Her: "... don't judge Nicky"

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  • I don't mind paying for something I set up and organized for us to do. The only problem I have is the expectation of it based on gender. I would never have expectations of a woman to do things just because she's a woman. I would like similar treatment whether it's dating or in a relationship.

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  • i feel exactly the same as you do. i do offer to pay the bill but i kind of expect her to insist on splitting to show me that she┬┤s an emancipated, independent person xD

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  • Why not just decide to go dutch before the date?

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  • You weren't able to tell of you got along with him psychologically?

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  • Yeah thats perfectly normal. Its kinda the reverse for us guys who are more old school and pay for dates. We like the reach.

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  • Well I personally would think if someone doesn't pay for herself would be too much of a drama queen. Independent , fight the social norms and everything yet want me to pay. Well I would actually prefer to pay later if we actually start dating.

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  • If he asks you out he should be prepared to pay.

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  • He doesn't offer because you probably ordered wine or something expensive. It's always unfair to make someone pay if you order steak or wine or an expensive salad.

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  • a guy should pay if he asked you out on a first date, any time after that it should be split 50-50, this isn't the 50's anymore

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  • Well: he pays the first time, you pay the next time and at 3 it's him again.

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  • And at the same time all we want is for you to offer to pay for yourself too so you show us that you don't take our effort for granted.
    A conundrum eh?

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  • I'd never let the lady pay her share on a date. Never. Doesn't matter if she asked me out or is driving a Ferrari.

    There are a few things in life that I will never do and that is one of them.

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  • LOL, let me add this to the long list of reasons why I just don't BOTHER!

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  • Wait u expect to be paid for the pleasure of buying you dinner?

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  • My last date didn't bring her wallet. I roundhouse kicked her in the face.

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  • Totally normal. Forget all the feminism and equality B. S. ...

    Girls want to feel 1) looked after 2) protected and 3) valued and loved. Often money helps to do that.

    Its completely normal.

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    • Truth is, many men want to feel protected, valued and loved as well. But most of them would never admit to it because they'd be ridiculed for it. So excuse me if I don't forget all the "equality B. S."

    • @notreallythere well that's very true.

      I don't actually disagree with that... but the way to make a man feel valued is often very different.

    • I'd say that's rather something that depends on your personality than your gender. I know plenty of men who'd feel happy about a girl treating them to dinner or buying them gifts. Just because you personally wouldn't like it doesn't mean that every men hates it as well.

  • If the girl payed for me I would be much more interested in going with her again. It would show that she cares, isn't selfish, isn't using me, and I would totally take her seriously.
    If we split the bill, I would be happy with that too.
    If she expected me to pay, then it;s probably the last time I see her. There are way too many greedy people (including my ex wife) so if that happened, I'd assume they were the same kind of person and not be interested.
    The first date matters so much to me for that stuff.

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    • Correct, first date the girl pays.

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    • and good job running in circles talking about your current situation (which is why I didn't even make an attempt to reply to that) dont derail off topic here. you would be happy if she payed in full expense, but you would be angry if you payed in full expense. That was your initial comment in a nutshell. stop retracting your point, its pathetic.

    • @Bobbyhill1 are you really this stupid or are you just trolling and trying to provoke me?

      I never said I feel entitled for her to pay, stop putting words into my mouth. I'm just telling you what actually does happen, at least to me. She WANTS to pay so I let her. I save up the money and buy her presents instead because that's the one thing she can't refuse. It more than evens out in the end, actually I spend more on her than she does on me which is fine by me since I earn more than her.

      If you have a problem with how I handle my love life, you can sincerely go fuck yourself. -> Ignored.

  • I think most guys decide whether to pay or not before the date happens, and follow their personal policy. It is NOT a judgment on how the date is going.

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  • So do you offer to pay for him, too? Or is this again one of these ridiculous things that only the guy has to do because, well, he's got a penis and you don't?

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    • So if you don't feel uncomfortable offering to pay for him on the first date, why the fuck should he?

      You just replaced one sexist expectation with another, congrats. Why can't people just date to get to know each other instead of complaining about materialistic things?

  • That's fine.

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What Girls Said 11

  • You just want the gesture. The empty gesture.
    After he offers would you adamantly refuse and make sure you pay your half?
    Or would you make a few aborted attempts before letting him handle the check?
    Or what would you do if he offers to pay your half and then just say, "kidding. Were splitting. But I offered and that's what matters."?

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  • You can't judge a guy like that because you dont know what his expectations are from this standpoint. If you dont mind splitting the bill, them split the bill and go with how you felt about the date.

    I tend to not believe that guys expecting to pay for a date will suddenly decide to have the woman share the expense because they didn't have a good time on the date. And while that may make you feel more comfortable as a sign of interest i think you are actually reading it as something its not.

    Me, if a guy asks me out i expect that he'll pay. If i ask him out, i'll pay. SO if a guy asks me out and then asks me to split i'll be done with it there, but it has nothing to do with whether or not i think he's interested or not.

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  • If he initiated the date he pays for everything, it's the gentleman thing to do. If you're in a relationship then you split everything. Kinda like how you don't call him and say I have nothing to wear buy me some clothes, same way he pays for the date or just don't come on the date. I think it's a red flag, stay away from him, has nothing to do with your being bad on a date, stop sounding like you're not worth it, bad start. Also since you care so much you are clearly a good girl, don't settle for those who can't see that, I think he's an ahole.

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  • Is he from another culture/country where that's normal? Other than pay did you have a great time and did he put in effort other than pay? I totally get that feeling but the thing is the dating world is evolving. It's not as simple as he asks you out, he pays for date, he does all the initiating, etc... it's perfectly fine to feel that way but you also have to take that other stuff into consideration.

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  • Yeah it's normal I guess in the society we've been raised in.

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  • I completely agree! I guess I'm old fashioned that way but I feel if he invites you on the date he should pick up the check. If it's an obvious bust, then fine but if it's going well I think it's nicer for him to get it on the first date especially!

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  • If the guy doesn't pay this will be the last time he sees me.

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  • i think it is okay to split it

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  • believe me lol i am from a country almost everyone spilt the bill, and men always say "if a woman is pretty enough i will pay. But if not, waste of money on ugly bitch" i think you are bothered because a guy seems to not interested in you if he doesn't offer to pay.
    And gold digger? No foods can be as expensive as gold xD

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    • Which country would that be?

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    • @roman_ce but i will not reject if a guy wants to pay. It's very sweet and i would pay for the next time:)

    • I understand what you're saying but if a girl asked me out I'd still feel that I should be gentlemanly and pay for her. A guy should always be a gentleman not just when he's the one asking for the date. :)

  • I understand what you mean. It isn't so much the money, it's the principle. To be honest I'd feel as though a guy were indifferent towards me if he didn't pay. I think its the old fashioned values in us. Most guys a don't feel the same way now though.

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    • There are still guys who value traditional dating. Just keep looking. :)

    • @roman_ce

      thanks. That's good to know

  • Just put that out of your mind. Paying for a date doesn't mean anything.

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