Why are women so dependent?

Question

They want all freedom to be the same as men and I feel that they deserve that whole heartedly. I just don't get why they still feel everything is up to the man. I am old fashioned and feel the man should provide and take care of his woman no matter what. And I try to do that with every once of my being.

That being said through the current economic times it takes two people working to make a prosperous household. I know there are guys out there that make enough money for the household but I'm not one of them. I have no college experience and I realize that that is my problem. So don't tell me its my own fault and to stop complaining.

My wife is all upset cause we are a little strapped for money and she puts all the pressure on me to fix the problem. She does work and so do i. I'm not making the money I made at my previous job but still make more than her. So in today's world why is all the pressure on me. Why should I have to work three jobs or find another one that pays more when she is making no effort to better her career or find another job that will pay more?

I know this is really long but I am fed up with being the bad guy cause we don't make the money we used to.

Cluelesswithmen · Accepted Answer

All men are born with the mentality to provide and protect. On that note, there can be a lot of pressure on him to fill those shoes. In a world that is constantly changing, sanity is a full time job.

I was raised by my father and when it came time for me to make a choice with what I want to do with my life he said this, "it doesn't matter what you choose for yourself, just make sure your happy and when you get married remember that times have changed. If you ever left your man, be sure you can stand on your own, financially". Man, am I glad my dad told me this... because he was sooooo right!

Some woman today still are old fashioned as well. So when they have a job they may not feel the need to advance in their "career" due to the fact that they accept that men play the role of the provider. So if they feel that they have that type of man, they prep for a family (to be the stay home mom).

My sister went all the way in school and her husband has nothing but a high school diploma. She stays at home and takes care of their children... This is ideal for some women, but not all. They have their moments where times are good and times are bad. I can only imagine how he feels being the only provider for three kids... Yikes. However, even though times get tough she still makes him feel like he is greatest husband no matter what their situation is. He feels good about himself even though the bills are non stop. So by doing this, I think it makes him happy to know that his wife still appreciates him and his hard work and that it doesn't go unnoticed. This probably inspires him to be a better provider. (Come to think of it, if I was a man and worked my butt off and came home to a woman who didn't see how hard I work for "us", I probably wouldn't want to try anymore either... So I don't blame you for feeling this way).

In your situation, it seems as tho you both are old school. You still feel the need to provide and so she accepts that this is your role. I'm sure you have spoken to her about how you feel however, does she understand that your having a hard time keeping up and staying sane while trying to provide for the both of you? Have you thought about going to a financial planner to get some advice?

Just because bills are piling up, doesn't make it your fault and your not a bad guy... Your just stuck and she is stuck with you. We tend to lash out on the people we care for when a problem affects the both of us. She may be looking for a solution however, that is not up to you to take full responsibility. It's a two way street. I think you should come up with a plan, throw all the bills and bank statements together and find a place to start to cut back on a few things, TOGETHER. This way its something you both agree on and know that it's only a temporary sacrifice until finances are in order.

Good luck.

Mande1985 · Accepted Answer

Personally, I do feel its the man's job to provide. However, I feel the woman should step up to the plate when times are hard. My ex was the one who brought home the money and I would make sure the house was spotless and he had his food ready for him when he walked through the door. His clothes were laid out for him while he was in the shower in the morning.

I remember when he lost his job.. I was working part time. I bumped my hours to full time and picked up a second job. I was tired all the time. Sometimes, I was so angry at him(usually because the house wasn't clean... but now he was home and I was working all the time. If I had to step up to the plate, then so did he.) but I know one thing.. it felt so good in the end to know that I could take care of the household and us. My money paid the bills... I did it.

Currently in my life, I would rather be able to take care of myself before letting someone else do it. I am apprehensive on the fact that I don't want to come off as dependent... but as someone who can do it on her own. However, I am extremely old fashioned. I do believe the woman should make things comfortable for her man. Run him a bath when he gets home from work. The house is clean... the food is cooked. Let him know you appreciate all his hard work. He is taking care of you, so take care of him. Too many women take that for granted.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This is a personal communication issue with your wife, not the way the world works. You are putting the pressure on yourself to fix things and buying in to her comments. In fact, your attitude towards feeling you should be responsible is something she is aware of in some way and coloring her responses to you.

If she is working, she is working. You say she is making no effort to better her career but neither are you, from your comments. Don't expect her to do something you won't. You both should consider how to advance your careers and how to go back to college. I just read an article that companies are having trouble filling jobs that are paying $40k or more because there are not enough skilled workers to fill them.

Overall, the two of you need to talk and work together. You two are not the enemy. It isn't her fault that there is not enough money to support both of you. It isn't your fault either. But it is something that both of you can work on. Talk, figure out ways to cut back on some expenses, and think about how you can both improve your careers for the future.

superdudeman · Accepted Answer

Some women get everything. If you as a man let her.

In a divorce, SHE gets the cash, house, and kids.

In a marriage, SHE uses sex as a weapon.

In a wedding SHE controls the show.

In an engagement SHE gets the pricey diamond.

In dating SHE gets the wining and dining.

Even in something as simple as a conversation, If she brings up a boring topic and you run take that thread and run with it, its not HER fault, SHES not boring. YOU are.

Yes she will blame you.

She will simply consider you boring and talk to another man who ignores that topic and talks about something more interesting and fun.

Its never her fault. Its always yours.

Typically this is what happens with women. They date the bad boys, and complain about them, then they settle down with a man who wines and dines them, even though they don't really feel turned on by them.

Men wine & dine women, and women go along with it. Women are not turned on by these guys. But, their mothers taught them to marry providers. So, they bypass the men they really want and marry the men who please their mothers. After popping out some kids and purchasing the house, the unfulfilled wife divorces her husband, takes the house, the cash, and the kids, and then starts dating the men who really turn her on, and the cycle continues.

Oh and btw you still think men should be the ones providing all the money because they make more than women? check again.

"In 2007, women accounted for 51 percent of all workers in the high-paying management, professional, and related occupations. They outnumbered men in such occupations as financial managers, human resource managers, education administrators, medical and health services managers, and accountants and auditors"

link

Women want equality in the workplace, except when it comes to relationships.

Men typically see their bank accounts depleted from useless expenditures on wining & dining and jewelry. They see how men are ridiculed and marginalized on TV. They see their divorced fathers living in squalor. They feel totally emasculated, letting their girlfriends call the shots.

I won’t treat women like crap and don’t espouse the pump-‘em-and-dump-‘em lifestyle. I’m not trying to get more ass than a toilet seat and don’t believe women should stay at home. First, I treat women the way I want to be treated. Second, the laws of unintended consequences are alive: especially, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Third, women have more civil rights than men. I never forget that points two and three compound each other.

smokeadmiral · Accepted Answer

I was once in a relationship where she lost her job. I was still making enough to support us both and was happy to do that. I've never had a problem with a lady depending on me. With that said however she got a job making minimal pay. She bitched about the job all the time and when I said anything about her looking for another better paying job she'd always excuse it that she didn't want to jump from job to job. After three years of this and her not taking any initiative to better her self I'd had enough. She was settling in a sh*t job paying less than what she was worth and she even knew it. She still made no attempt to move upward or find something that would pay better. It soon became clear that this was causing a great problem between us and in our relationship. Money was always strapped and I found myself working two jobs. Here's what I learned...If she was okay with me being the one to work all the time and make ends meet and she wasn't interest in getting out and finding or trying to find something better paying then it was very clear that me working all the time wasn't a problem for her. After doing some sole searching I realized that I would be better off on my own with just my bills and living expenses. She didn't seem to give a sh*t that all I did was work and she spent. After moving one withOUT her my money issues as well moved on. Life is to short my man. Get a grip on what's going on and break it down for her clearly and how you feel. Don't waste time hoping things with change without saying flat out what needs to change. If it does then great. If not then move forward and apart. You should work to live and not live to work! good luck

lost-angel · Answer

I personally don't feel comfortable depnding on anyone, financially. If I need money I'll get a job, if I need more, I'll get two jobs. I've never been married before but if I did, I def wouldn't depend on him to take care of me financially. I want to know I'll survive if he ever leaves me. And I wouldn't let him pay for everything bec that would make me feel powerless/useless, for some reason.. I know, I have issues.

As for your situation, you can't force your wife to get two jobs, or a better job if she dosnt want to. But you could sit down with her and explain to her how you feel. And that you need her more than anything right now. If she can't help financially, then at least she could be understanding and patient.Tell her that is what you need from her during this tough time. Let her know you can't do this alone. When she finally becomes more understanding, she might try to help out financially. Its not easy, but try to remind her that you two still have each other and will work thru this "together".

windy-rose · Answer

Given the current circumstances, I also don't blame anyone. She, like mentioned, is probably taking frustrations out on you that aren't fully meant. The only reasoning I can think of on her end, that may justify some of her 'blame placement' is if she does the majority of the house work (children?). A lot of women have started to take on both job and home responsibilities, which can be another job unto itself, leaving you as the one with opportunity for bringing in more.

that's just a speculation on my part. If that's the case, its something you should talk through with her to decide that balance. Even if this isn't a factor, a balance of incomes/opportunities conversation could be in order anyway.

missann · Answer

I don't agree on women being too dependent on men especially finance. But sometimes we do feel mentally and physically tired trying to take care of the family. And the only thing we can depend on men is to hope they would provide more to the family.

To all men, taking care of the family and household does not seem easy when women still have to go to work. Most men, they do not help out because they feel that it's not their job and they know it's so tired for them to come home and still do the housechores. How about women? Do you think they can manage to do it without you trying to help?

It's physically drained and mentally exhausted after having to go to work and come home, still have chores to do and take care of the children. We are not being trained to do that so do be more understanding why women would want to depend on her husband instead of complaining.

CheerPrincess08 · Answer

My man and I make about the same amount of money, and when we first started dating I supported us both. I feel in a relationship everything should be 50/50. I work, so does he, when I clean, he helps, and we take turns cooking. Everyone is strapped for cash, but the issue can be resolved, don't buy things you don't need, cook instead of going out to dinner. It's not fair to say all women are dependent on men, because that isn't true. I depend on him just as much as he depends on me. Maybe there's something else behind it, maybe she feels she has to work and come home and clean and cook and everything else. My boyfriend knows if he wants the house to be clean, well he better pitch in to help clean it. If she wants to make more money sit down and talk about it, tell her to get a second job and you will clean and cook or something, just compromise a little.

NomelLemon · Answer

I disagree with people saying it should be 50/50 or 60/ 40. It should be 100/100, from both partners. I don't feel that everything should be left up to the man to handle. It isn't fair. I can only imagine how much pressure men feel. A couple should work side-by-side. But then that wouldn't be very old-fashioned, because traditionally, women depended a great deal on men to make provisions. I'm not very traditional in that sense, and I think that women should pull their own weight (while letting the man still wear the pants I guess). A couple shouldn't meet each other half way, but all the way. A couple should be able to depend on each other, equally.

Limpbiscit · Answer

I believe it is up to both you and your wife to make steps financially to improve the situation that being said I do believe with research men do get paid more (as a general sense) than women... but I do believe she should not pressure you and make you feel cornered... I think it she should have pressure on herself if she is the one having a problem with it and make plans with you as a partnership to cooperate and be of some assistance and support in obtaining her goals with compromise in gaining more skills for herself.

I believe women can take their man for granted... she should take a good look at the struggles in single parenting and realize you're there to support her advance as well as yourself if and when you can.. not nag about money and put him down... realize when either are you are doing your best and work together on improving the situation.

All the best.

phenenna · Answer

I don't know how it is in the usa, but at least over here in germany it's so

that the women still get not as much money as the men do,

and they're still not as successful if it's about promotions.

So, you're always a kind of dependent that ur husband helps you out

if ur married. You could do whatever you want, but he will always get more

for the same work.

Maybe she wants a kind of "traditional" role allocation.

Did you ever speak about how each of you idealises the "perfect" living together?

poopygirl1989 · Answer

it's not your fault at all. my boyfriend and I bought a house together and he thinks that he has to make the money to pay for everything. we both work 40 hours a week and he has already finished college so he does have a better job. He wishes I would stay home and do the wife thing but that is totally not me! I want to work and bring some kind of money home at the end of the day...for some reason men do it naturally. I thinks it's just how you guys are programmed. It shouldn't be all on you! Women want equal rights but for some reason they  think that the man should bring home the main income! lol

Anonymous · Answer

I believe in %60(man) and %40(woman). I would be uncomfortable if I made more than my man. I want him to wear the pants and be head of household. However I don't want to control his money or sit on my a$$.And I'll be embarrassed if he was so high class and I was minimum wage. I wanna work and have a career too. However if things go wrong on my end I would hope my man (if he had it) would be the backbone financially and cover it.

Best way for me to explain it I want the hero but I want to be the sidekick. We can both kick a$$ but he's better at it. I don't want to depend on him, but if I'm against the wall and I need to, I know can.

Anonymous · Answer

But don't men still expect women to take care of the household and the kids as well as work? Yes it does take 2 to make a good household. I definitely don't think you should be out working and struggling and her just sitting at home. If its like that then yes she should get a job. But if she should get another job, then why shouldnt you? The thing is both of you need to work together for the common goal. Not battle each other. She's frustrated, your frustrated but you're both trying to get the same thing. Have a sit down conversation with her and discuss how you feel w/o yelling or attacking each other.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think its anyones fault. My brother picked up extra shifts and got another job when my sister got pregnant again(money was tight before) He was contently gone and only got about 4hours of sleep. He did this for at least a year and a half. He was burnt out. Even when he got the really rare day off he wouldn't be able to do anything because he was so sore and tired. They started having problems because my sister-in-law, a stay at home mom during the day(she works most nights) didn't have the help or emotional support. And neither did he. So I think before that happens for you, you seriously need to work somthing Give somthing up if it comes to that. If you have satilight, get cable. If you buy movies alot, get netflix, if you eat out alot, buy a cook book and learn to make food, if she gets a pedicure, learn how to do it your self.. There are a lot of ways ways to help the situation. But if you give up something so should she. Keep it balanced.

caramelapple34 · Answer

I'm old fashion too, and I believe that the man is too bring in the cash and the woman should take care of the house, but like you said in this economy... That's a no go. Both husband and wife should be working if needed. All the pressure should not be on you since you guys both work. (Are you sure you don't just feel like it is all on you, or is your wife actually putting pressure on you?) If she is really pressuring you to fix things all by yourself, that is not right. She should take it upon herself to help. Maybe she's just frustrated and talking it out on you. Either way you should have a heart to heart about what you believe, and how you feel. You just have to the find the way to tell her that won't make it seem like you're trying to give up.

RRoseRRed · Answer

God, you sound wonderful. Your wife should lay off. It sounds to me like you're really working hard and trying your best. This is just a result of a changing global economy; the average person's expectation for what their situation in life should be is no longer feasible most of the time. This is because the idea of the Man bringing home the bacon and the Woman staying home and taking care of the Kids is no longer affordable. The Woman has to be a bread winner too.

Enough about that though.. Maybe you should just sit your wife down and have a chat about this?

sexytsigurl · Answer

I can't stand dependent women. I am the total opposite. I am so independent that I never turn to guys for help whatsoever. My guy friend wants to help me and be there for me cause I hear they do want to feel needed sometimes. I just know what I want to do and what I like, and I just sometimes feel that a guy may take or get in the way of that.

shf84 · Answer

It's not all up to the man no one has to do any thing because of there sex. I would never go near a woman who  wanted to hide behind me or  be protected and provided for, children get that not adults. The idea of treating a woman that way is disgusting and the idea one would want is is even more so.

Anonymous · Answer

This isn't your fault and it's not her fault. It's a horrible economy right now. I know college grads who can't find a job, not even a minimum wage job. But anyways, the situation is frustrating and your wife probably needs to take her frustrations out on someone. She won't blame herself so the only other person is you. She doesn't really mean it, you're just the scapegoat.

jjf481993 · Answer

It's a hard economy and a lot of crap is going to be said that isn't meant. That's what happens when emotions are heightened. As for why women are dependent, I am a complete feminist, yet I'd love to believe chivilary isn't dead. I think every woman is a princess at heart and we're looking for a guy who will sweep us off of our feet and take all our problems away.

Anonymous · Answer

Money biggest source of arguments in a realtionship.

Relationships are a property relationship, you role is to provide, if you can't she will find someone else who can... Lots of women will walk away from a relationship if a guy can't provide and do...

Littletad · Answer

I do think your wife is being a bit too harsh on this whole ordeal your going through. But I also believe you're not telling us the whole situation. There's two sides to every story.

Anonymous · Answer

After marriage, its different. Its the guys responsibility to manage the finances. It would be 50/50 when the man cleans the house, cooks, buys groceries 50% of the times.

Why are women so dependent?

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