We had sex too soon and now I think he's pulling away. How do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, me and this guy I'd been speaking too online, slept together on the 2nd date. We spent the day together, driving around the county and visiting towns and places to eat, and then he treated me to an expensive meal in the evening which was far from where I lived. (By the way, I did offer to go halves for the meal and made sure drinks were paid equally). Anyway, after the meal it was quite late and there were no trains back to my town. I said I felt bad for him driving the hour journey back to mine, and so we ended up back at his (which was closer).

We were watching a film, and one thing lead to another and we slept together. Afterwards, it was the early hours and he even said do you want me to drive you home (I was a bit bemused why he asked this), to which I replied I can stay over if you want me too, and he said that would be nice. So I did. Anyway, he ended up sleeping away from me... not even spooning which made me feel a bit hurt, when he'd been affectionate before. In the morning, he got out of bed, and made me a cup of coffee.

Things didn't feel too awkward when he dropped me off today, and we kissed and he said we should do another day date again. He text me later when he got home, saying he was tired, and we swapped a few one-worded messages but that's it so far. I know in my gut that this may well be the last time I see him, but I don't know if that's just negative thinking.

I don't believe having sex early on damages a potential relationship, as my ex and I had sex on our third date and we were together for 5 years, but this scenario I'm in, is usually the common outcome.

Is there any way of saving this? Sensible opinions appreciated.

[xlen15]

sorry for whatever happened but like many other times such acts are part of humans and it really depends on the motive that the two of you were driving on, everthing seemed to have acted out so fast but one thing is the feelings drove in so fast as it goes you cannot evade feelings but you have absolute control of actions that ensue from them , secondly we need to appreciate the fact that certain thing s and people cross our paths for a reason, if he has decided to distance him self from you thank God because you would not tell what would have happened if you had held on longer than this

[Jager66]

I think all you can do is act like you want things to continue with him, if he wants you he will continue things with you, if he doesn't then things will end. Unless he want's it to be casual, that might be something you would want to find out as soon as possible, before you feel invested or anything.

[Anonymous]

You don't. He was only into it for the sex, nothing more. That's what his goal was.

[bg1987]

You can't compare one to the other, just cause you had sex early with your ex that led to a long term relationship doesn't mean it will happen in the next.

[TripleAce]

Can't do much, you gave away the cookie. Some time when that happens too soon before you've built a real foundation... you rather just move on

[Asker]

I guess that would mean he's just a player then...

[TripleAce]

Not really, because giving us sex to fast just works against us. We need reason to want to stay and sex isn't it. when we get sex to fast we tend to want to let that go and move on because they was no foundation built to compel us to stay

When we have reason --> like we need her, we miss her, she's been there for me, she's my best friend etc... we come back... when we don't have that emotional attachment, once you drain our mojo... it's meh

[maghat]

Looks like a fuckboy with a conscience. Or he could have something else going on... Look, do you like the guy? If you do, just call him! Don't wait. Don't miss chances in life, they are few and far between.

[Glen68]

there is no such thing as having sex to soon. the only thing I can think is was he just after sex to begin with

[Asker]

What makes you think that? Just wondering why would he go to all the trouble of driving everywhere, paying for a posh meal and he initially offered to take me home anyway, just to have sex?

[Glen68]

honestly I was grasping at straws because it seemed like he got weird after sex

[Lithium65]

How long did y'all only use short responses?

[Asker]

Only today... (currently Sunday afternoon in UK)

[Lithium65]

well, he did say he was tired, and it's only been a day. so maybe he didn't sleep well.
I know I can't sleep while cuddling bc I can only sleep on my front. so it's possible that he's being truthful.
if you said it's been a week of talking like that I'd think he's done, but I think you should give it more time before you jump to say "oh he just wanted sex"
does that make sense?