My ex-boyfriend's dating profile shocked me! How do I handle this?

Last night a guy I dated very briefly two years ago contacted me out of the blue on the dating site we met on and I should probably mention that it ended ugly with his last words to me being F-off or something to that effect via a text message over something incredibly petty my friend had said to him.

Anyway so the message I got that night says and I quote "I'm here right now because of you I miss you I'm really serious" Huge jaw-dropper moment for me. I reluctantly wrote back and was friendly but very cautious . I immediately found it very odd but I told myself it was a long time ago and it's all water under the bridge and I should keep an open mind because sometimes people DO change it's unlikely but not impossible.

He texted me off and on all day the next day and he was very adamant about seeing me again as soon as possible (red flag) I was still feeling uneasy about it but I finally agreed I would meet him for dinner sometime this weekend and hear him out. I know what I'm about to say sounds incredibly stupid on my part so no need to point it out to me...

I logged back on to the site later that night and read his profile for the first time since we broke up only to discover that he and the "love of his life" are looking for a third partner male or female. What I am feeling right now is a mix of anger,hurt and confusion. Why ? why would he come to me of all people after all this time after the way we ended things ? He knows damn well he hurt me. I was doing so well until he decided to make his encore performance in fact I may have very well never thought about him again for the rest of my life, so is it to get one more good stab at my heart? or is it because he wants to make sure I never forget him so he can feed his ego? or is he just so damn selfish that he thought if I said yes great if not who cares it's only that b!tch?

I swore I would never give that man another one of my tears but here I am old wounds open and packed with salt . Should I chew him out and say all the things I have always wanted to say to him or just say nothing and cut all contact with him again like I did the first time we broke up? I just feel so incredibly stupid for entertaining the thought of giving him a second chance and more so for even being friendly I knew I should have listened to my gut feeling the moment I read that first message. I could really use some sound advice right now.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, chew him out! That's what I'd do. I'd actually write it down because I know I'd get too emotional and forget half of the things (or combine them incorrectly until I sound like an idiot which makes everything worse).

    Or don't contact him. I mean, that's probably best. Ripping someone apart NEVER feels as good in reality as it seems like it will in your mind. Either you end up caving and taking blame / fault that doesn't belong to you or the other person doesn't care. If they cared about the pain they caused, they wouldn't have done it in the first place (usually).

    Whatever you do, please don't feel stupid. We've all fallen for someone who wasn't good for us...then picked ourselves back up...and then considered jumping back in. You know all the bad but you also know all the good. And overall it can look more appealing / feel more reassuring than the unknown.

    I think the best thing is to keep in control of your life. And the feeling you get from knowing what's good for you and leading your life accordingly is a really happy and even powerful feeling. A short, neutral response to him is probably the best revenge. Attacking leads to defense - he'll very likely not break down in tears and apologize. But neutral responses - you're not interested, too busy with life and friends and potential loves - doesn't fill or fuel anything for him. Leaves him empty. He can't suck the life out of you again.

    Ok, I'm writing too much.

    good luck!

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What Guys Said 4

  • Don't contact him. Go with your instincts. Don't even think of wasting your time or energy trying to confront this or you will just feed his ego.

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  • Thats strange, a girl I met online recently told the same story...and when I asked her why she was on the site she said she joined to piss him off. Naturally being skeptical and wanting to know the truth, I did 5 min of homework only to find her on every other dating site and social media network out there. Apparently the damage this guy did to her turnedher into a promiscuous cyber girl, for lack of a better word...We argued a lot and I knew in the back of my mind I was giving up too much of my emotions to a girl that didn't feel the same way about me..I knew that she was still caught up in the aftermath of her previous relationship. I just tried to believe in myself that I could get her to realize that she had a good third guy in front of her that was willing to give her anything she wanted...well now I'm detroyed and I feel bad for anyone in my path in the future.

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  • He probably got horny and couldn't find anyone else

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  • Well he hasn't changed, looks like he sees you as a possible 3 some parnter based on the past relationship and hoping you would be up for it, if not you he might try someone else, just that you crossed paths and he feels the past history might make you more receptive or easier to swing...

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What Girls Said 4

  • I know you ve already picked a best answer and its been 12 days but I had to comment.

    WHAT THE HELL is wrong with these guys?!

    You know what I would do if I were you? I would simply just go see him and act all bitchy and like am the queen of the earth and you should look SUPER HOT, then don't even bother to ask if he has a new girlfriend or not, if he brings the topic up what you need to do is Laugh your ass off infront of him and literally make him sound like a total jerk and then not just chew him out, rip both heads off and put it in a blender then pee on it ! What a jerk!

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  • Pour your heart out. Clear your mind, and say everything you've got to say. Don't be nice. Say what you've got to say, harshly.

    Then stop initiating contact with him, even if he messages or texts you again. Block him if possible, and just ignore him from then on.

    Believe me. After you get it out of your system, it'll make it final somehow, and you won't be hurting for him anymore. No more wounds.

    Every woman has their own beauty. You just need to find the right guy who will appreciate you and give you the best of himself. And when you do, you'll find true happiness.

    And although I'm only sixteen and you're older than me, I'm going to say this anyway: these are just crushes, passages of life. You've yet to experience true love.

    I'm not saying this to snub you, I'm saying this because I've had experience. And thank goodness that I've learned from my mistakes at a young age.

    I'm very cautious about dating now. I only make a move towards someone if I'm sure of them. It took me two whole years for me to find someone who loves me like I love them and for me to be sure of my feelings.

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    • Thanks Girls you helped a lot. However after the 10th text last night I lost my cool and tore into him I wasn't belligerent but I was harsh, I was never in love with him and if he hadn't sought me out I would have never thought about him again, but him acting like he missed me and wanted me back was a good feeling, but now knowing WHY has made me feel like I was lied to and I don't like it . He should have mentioned it right out the gate, on the other hand I should have checked the profile.

  • I think instead of being so angry, which is probably what he'd expect... just laugh about it. No need to open up old wounds and cry over him when you can laugh. laugh at how pathetic he is and laugh cause he actually thought you'd give him the time of day to hurt you again, he'll feel real stupid after that. Ignore him, and when he eventually asks why, just say, "LOL" and then laugh at how dumbfounded he'd be.

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  • I think you should tell him everything you want to tell him and then get him out of your life because then your gonna regret not telling him war he needs to hear trust

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