I found out my boyfriend is totally pro-life, should we continue dating?

Question

So I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and I definitely love him. But we recently were talking about if I accidentally got pregnant (highly unlikely, I use condoms and the pill, but it's still not impossible). I found out that he is 100% pro life and would absolutely not accept me getting an abortion.

I myself am 100% pro choice (and being Canadian, I'm completely supported/entitled to that choice). I am a very hard working, career oriented girl and I would absolutely not have the time or ability to add a child into the mix and would never risk the career I'm working towards. I would absolutely not accept carrying a child. Add into that the fact that I'm not super maternal and may actually never want kids, ever.

I love my boyfriend and I know it's a slim chance I'd ever get pregnant, but there is still that chance... so I'm wondering if it would be best to break up now? I don't want to, but im not sure what would be best. Especially considering the fact that I may choose to never have children and I now know he clearly wants them.

Please dont try to sway me on my pro choice beliefs, my opinion on that is unmoveable. But opinions on how to go forward in this relationship welcome!! Thank you 😊

ERICK81 · Accepted Answer

You can say I'm a Republican conservative type individual, with some libertarian views, I am a pro-choice individual who believes that a woman is entitled to do that they feel fit with their body. I respect a woman's body I respect their space privacy and feelings, maybe this is probably why I've had many different people I've been relationships with I don't know on with what you were asking, he better pull and pray when you guys make love. And I know how good it feels to make love with one another completely natural if you understand what I'm trying to say, it is the most beautiful feeling between two people who trust one another love one another and want to make love with one another. I'm on your side here I would respect your body and he should too. He needs to understand if it was backwards and if when we made love when your eggs were to go up inside his body and he wouldn't get a belly then he wasn't ready for it how would he feel. I know that you don't want your body to change. Personally I think some of the changes that a woman goes through are sexy little bit of stretch marks on her hips shows me that's the beauty of being a woman, my present girlfriend is a doctor she's a pediatrician she just was a registered nurse for the past 10 years and not became a doctor and got her breasts redone she does have two kids she's an extremely great shape she does not look like she's had kids, I love big hips and a tiny waist, not bad for a 37 year old woman who is 5 foot 7 fitting a size 6 with a 24 inch waist 135 pounds fitting a size 6 . He's making love to you and he must love you and respect that this is your body and you will be the one that has to deal with changes that maybe you're not ready 4. It's okay for him to have his beliefs but I think that he should reconsider and believe in what you believe, if someone is irresponsible and try to abort a child Beyond 15 weeks being a registered nurse as I am I know how far along that is Carla and I know that a good for to make a decision to end a pregnancy. I believe in choice but make it quick... Stay beautiful stay Smart Stay Strong

JuicyBrain · Accepted Answer

What he thinks is of no importance. You are the one making the decision over your body. He doesn't have a word to say, which is exactly how it should be. Just make sure he is aware of your beliefs and understands how it's going to be if you become pregnant. It's unfair not to tell him now since he might want to have kids one day and he might be unknowingly wasting his time with you. Otherwise, you don't necessarily have to leave him if you don't want to as long as everybody is fully aware of the situation.

Tammy94 · Accepted Answer

Did he know you were pro-choice before now, or that you would abort? If he knows this and is having sex with you, and if he knows it would be your choice, it seems to me that the problem is his--he's risking fathering a child that will be aborted without his consent (even though it's a small risk). If his beliefs don't bother you in the abstract, and your don't bother him, it's purely academic unless and until you get pregnant. If you get pregnant you already apparently know you'll have an abortion, so the only issue is what will happen to the relationship at that point. (I doubt it would be anything good.) but if pregnancy never happens, then the relationship could last a long time, or be permanent, with no problems. So essentially the only danger is if you get pregnant.

But then you mention that he def wants kinds and you apparently don't. That seems a much bigger issue to me than the abortion issue. People can change, and it's all a gamble, but all you can do is go with what you know. Sounds like there may be a huge divide on the kids/no kids issue. I'd have some long talks with your boyfriend to be sure you don't misunderstand each other, and then make your stay or go decision based on that.

neffyxoxo92 · Accepted Answer

Okay, hear me out on why you should break up with him. (That might not be what you want to hear, but trust me.) If you're serious about having one opinion and he's serious about having the total opposite opinion, (and we're not talking about something simple like which sandwich should I get from Burger King... we're talking about lifestyles/beliefs), then you're going to find more things that you disagree with and fight about. Some people are fine dating someone with opposite beliefs than what they have (and that's fine) but it definitely will lead you two to fight about other things. Just my opinion.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Have a long talk with him and explain why you're pro-choice and why you would get an abortion. If he's just not getting with the program and is still being a dick about it then it might be time to move on. In a relationship you need compromise and you need to see where each other are coming from. If you were to get pregnant (and it's not impossible) it'd just be really nice to have him with you on the decision rather than giving you shit for it. In relationships you need to be honest with one another and getting an abortion behind his back would just be a shitshow.

shadowlegend · Accepted Answer

If you don't agree on fundamental things like that when you are discussing children, then it's important you discuss the issue thoroughly and if you can't agree on how to handle a situation like that, then obviously it's time to be brutally honest about whether you're in the right relationship. If you get pregnant and you want to exercise your right to choose but he hates you for it which then makes you resentful and evidently the same argument comes up, why wait until then? Do the mature thing and resolve the issue now.

Muglintar · Answer

You should split up.

Not because of pro-Life or Pro-choice, but because you are thinking about it already, based on a very unlikely probability. So what? there is one aspect, where you and your boyfriend do have different oppinions. Instead of trying to at least accept the fact he is of different oppinion, you are doubting the complete relation. You will hopefully find out soon, your SO is not obliged to agree with your point in each and every thing. Actually such relationships are bloody boring.
When my ex-wife became pregnant, I was forced to make the most difficult decission ever. She was 7th month pregnant, when her body became unable to sustain the baby anymore. This is called a pregnancy poisoning. We went to the hospital, where I was informed, she already lost consciousness, the doctors asked me, if they should save her with a very strong medication, that would most probably kill the little boy or to put her on life support, which would most probably result in total failure of liver and kidneys, but save our child.
There hasn't passed a single day in the last 15 years, where I haven't thought about the decission I had to make.

Luckily, both of them survived, he was born premature by cesarean at less than 6 lbs.
Now he is 15, 6', 170 lbs and strong like a bull. It makes me cry whenever I remember he used to be smaller than the two hands of mine.

P. S.: Gents who whine about not having a word in this, believe me, you sure wouldn't like, if you had.

MazeOfLove · Answer

I coined a phrase called Relationship CPR which really gets to the heart of three issues that can truly harm relationships down the road. They are Children, Politics, and Religion, hence CPR. When people have basic disagreements about anything in these three spaces and they are passionate about their views in these three areas it will spell doom down the road. These are not soft issues in which people can merely agree or disagree. Breaking up now is best, especially since he really wants children and you're not sure.

Unit1 · Answer

You should break up with him and start dating me =) We are on the very same page.

Since he cannot accept you getting an abortion, sooner or later will come a situation, where you will see whether you have a true friend, who sticks with you through thick and thin or a fake friend abandoning you - namely you getting pregnant and an abortion. If he is unwilling to stick with you getting an abortion, then you are free to break up with him at any moment. This relationship is not going to last long anyway.

Stay true to yourself, lady!

natured · Answer

i find it a little WEIRD that you would break up with your boyfriend because you are not ready for a child, and he was just being cute telling you that HE WOULD SUPPORT IT IF IT HAPPENS, this sounds better than saying : I WOULD LEAVE - because a lot of men do.

So i think you should appreciate the fact that 1. HE would not LEAVE YOU if it happens and 2. Men like that are RARE nowadays.
If you don't want children AT ALL at this MOMENT you should just tell him and see what you are going to do in the future.
Maybe once you have your career and everything fixed you can think about having children.

I am 28 years old, i don't have kids yet, and I DO WANT THEM, but i don't want them now, so I UNDERSTAND...

Good luck sweety <3

originaluser · Answer

You're entitled to your choice wherever you hail from.

If you use condoms AND birth control pills AND check the condoms carefully, AND make sure the birth control isn't expired your chances of getting pregnant are ridiculously low.

You can discuss pregnancy down the road when you both WANT to have children. This is a far-fetched hypothetical scenario if you take even the most basic steps to prevent it from happening.

He doesn't try to sway yours you don't try to sway his. Nor I or anyone else should or will tell you what to believe.

Enjoy your relationship for now. If you never want kids and he does that's a different story entirely. Worry about the future in the future but give yourself a better future by making smart decisions in the present.

cth96190 · Answer

I think that your boyfriend would be better off without you.
You believe that your career and your personal convenience are of greater value that the life of your own baby.
Only a brainwashed liberal could fail to see the narcissism and pure evil of that position.
In contrast, your boyfriend would not want to murder his child and you consider that to be a problem.
I hope that your boyfriend can think clearly enough to see the huge size of that red flag.
I would kick you to the kerb in a heartbeat.

BlueCoyote · Answer

Well, if your boyfriend wants to have children but you don't, this may be the wrong relationship for the two of you. Of course you can still see it as a short-term thing but long-term, there would probably arise some serious problems.

As for the abortion issue... I'm personally very strong about dating people who have the same political views as I do. However, I wouldn't break up with my girlfriend just because of one single issue she has a different opinion about. I get that abortion is a controversial topic for some folks but it's not important enough to sacrifice a relationship over.

Robin48 · Answer

I am pro-life also. Abortion is murder. People use abortion to cover up their sin. God see and know all things. I am proud of your boyfriend. These are questions that you should have ask before you two started to date. When I met my wife. We when over areas to see if we agree with or did not agree with. We both are Christian. We know that abortion is wrong. The only time abortion to be done if the mother life is in danger. At the begin when you two met. Did you two go over the values and morals of your life?

I think your relationship is over. There more likely other areas that you are going to conflict with. Honestly, I would not date someone who supports abortion. I do not support people who change their genitals from a female to male or male to female. I have a list of question which my wife and I have an in-depth talk about.
That why we get along with each other because we are on the same page.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

You made your choice when you got in bed with him. Also, if you insist on being a deadbeat mom, just leave him after the child is born.

Do not the rob an innocent child of life, and the father of his child. Just drop off the child after birth, then leave.

misstalia_95 · Answer

I don't think dumping him is necessary. It's your body and therefore your choice. Plus, having a child is a JOINT decision.

I once dated a guy who really, I mean REALLY wanted to have a baby with me. He would say, "So let's plan on having a baby in January". I had a big problem with that because I was only a junior in college and was not at all prepared for a baby. It was just bizarre because he already had two kids from a previous marriage. We eventually broke up. The point is, don't ever let any man push you to do something you're not 100% comfortable with. You are the CEO of your life.

slatyb · Answer

This seems like a deal-breaker to me. This is an indication of other fundamental differences that will arise later. Find a guy who is intellectually compatible. It is all too easy to get a year into a relationship that is pleasant and fun without ever having the serious discussion needed to form an adult partnership. Next time start talking about the serious stuff early. The first dinner out is not too soon. The point of dating for most people is to find a long-term partner. This requires more than just an ability to enjoy each other's company.

meowcow · Answer

Your logic is somewhat lacking...

If you had a fundamental problem about his views on abortion (i. e., if he is religious and won't accept abortion), then it's something to discuss about.

However, who is stupid enough to consider breaking up with someone because "if I get pregnant accidentally, we have different opinions on whether to keep the child". You are basing the hypothetical break up on something that has not happened, and something that can easily be avoided with a condom and birth control pills, IUD... etc...
The only people who get pregnant accidentally these days... in a country where birth control is largely affordable... are the stupid ones.

Anonymous · Answer

I know Gag keeps adding pictures to popular posts. I personally don't like the images they post. It is nice that they do that but they need a better image picker.

My solution is the one that every one hates but is 100 percent effective and you two won't need to worry about getting pregnant.

Abstinence don't have sex it is as simple as that. Just don't let him shove it into your pussy until your both ready for kids. If your waiting until your married or just waiting until the timing is right the only way to make sure is to keep your knees closed.

Aside from that I don't think that this issue should be that big of a deal. Couples rarely agree on all important topics.

HungLikeAHorsefly · Answer

You won't find too many people who think abortions are great things. That's why I tend to read "Pro-Life" as "Anti-Control-of-Your-Body". If he has opinions about what you can do with your body, what other kind of opinions is he going to have in the future?

ShaunaM95 · Answer

At the end of the day it's your body, so your choice. I would side with your boyfriend on this as I am pro life too, but I also think it's the girls decision at the end of the day, whatever she wants. I don't think you should break up though, that would be breaking up over a hypothetical situation that probably isn't even going to happen.

Guy315 · Answer

Of course keep dating him. Are you seriously asking this? If your even considering not dating him because he is prolife, YOUR THE PROBLEM!
Politics and relationships shouldn't mix, of course it would be nice if you both agreed but if not just leave it alone!! I'm republican and prolife and I have a girlfriend that is democrat (85% sure she is prochoice), and we have no problem because I make sure it doesn't become a problem. With me she criticizes my political thoughts about Trump, what do I say back... A JOKE! So she shuts up 😂😬😂 and so it don't start stuff.

Cade278006 · Answer

Wow that is crazy rough. Amazing he managed to keep that on the down low for so long. Um, I would tell him your viewpoint and that you may never want children. You can have fun and ride it out until he decides he wants to move on or if you out of nowhere want kids, but either way he needs to know how ya feel now.

dragonfly6516 · Answer

You're pro choice, and your reasons are not wanting a baby too soon to ruin your plans for the future.

So you should already understand perfectly well that you could be impeding on his plans for the future when you know perfectly well that he wants kids. How is that fair to him? Double standard.

I'm pro-life but I do not want to have any kids. My biological mother was the same way. Yes, I'm adopted.

Anonymous · Answer

You are not his property. You are not his slave. He cannot prevent you from getting an abortion should you want to get one. Of course, he also won't lift a finger to help you and may actually attempt to actively treat you like his property and thwart you. So if you stick with him you'd better have resources of your own to call upon. Personally I'd dump him because his set of beliefs will influence his actions and those actions will negatively affect you, your eventual children if any, etc.

Marinepilot · Answer

Any person with an engstrom of intelligence should be pro choice. It
only makes sense. He's a card carrying idiot whose brain is totally devoid of
rational or progressive thoughts. I too had a girlfriend who pro-life and we
split because of it. I'm not suggesting you do this, although you're polar
opposites on this issue and I doubt seriously you'll ever be in agreement about it.

I found out my boyfriend is totally pro-life, should we continue dating?

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