My girl is mean to my son.

I've been in a relationship with my girl for almost 10years now. We've lived together for 9 years and we have a 3 year old son together. I also have a 13 year old son from a previous relationship "his mom and I share custody". The problem is that ever since our 3 year old was born, my girl turns into a different person every time my older son is around. She rarely speaks to him and acts like she doesn't want him around. It p*sses me off, and to be honest, I'm not sure how much longer I can stay with someone who doesn't accept my son. As you can tell by the duration of our relationship, I've tried really hard to make it work and build a relationship between her and my son, but I feel I've been unsuccessful. Also, my son is getting older and is starting to react to her attitude towards him by starting to hate her. He's gotten to the point where he doesn't want to come to my house anymore. I feel like if I stay with her, then my older son is going to resent me for it. On the other hand, I feel like if I leave her, then I'm leaving my 3 year old son as well, and I'm not sure how to deal with that. Any advice on what I should do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • true, your 3 year old son is important too. but your 13 year old will remember more and is at the stage where he looks to you as his idol (whether he knows it or not). you are the male figure in his life and the years to follow are the years he needs to know he will be as good of a man as you are. it hurts to see your baby cry because he wants to be with you always, but he probably won't remember those feelings. you're not abandoning your 3 year old son, you're taking this time to guide your oldest safely into manhood. he really needs you. your wife will be there to comfort your 3 year old, regardless, it just isn't easy to leave your kids period.

    why don't you just put your foot down and spend time with your son alone. see it as a vacation when you pick up your son. go camping or stay at your parents house for the weekend. what is she going to do!? she's not going to leave you! and if she does, what is she going to say! " I'm leaving you because I don't want your son to come over and you choose him over me!" ha ha, she would sound really stupid. don't let her run your life when it comes to your son. you will be sorry later. both your sons are your life! you wouldn't ask her to leave her son! trust me, she wouldn't stand for that and you shouldn't either.

    my daughter doesn't visit with her father anymore. his girlfriend wouldn't acknowledge her and it always seemed that she was jealous of my daughter's closeness with her father. for meals, she would serve everyone else and made my daughter serve herself. his girlfriend would make faces and give the silent treatment whenever they would try to do family things etc. well at first my daughter insisted on going over to her dads because she wasn't going to let his girlfriend get between them. after a year of this, she gave up. she decided that she rather not deal with it. her father would stand up for her, but it was useless. she would stop for that moment, then find some other way to treat my daughter badly. my daughter would cry all the time. now her sadness has turned to bitterness towards her dad. she does hate his girlfriend, but her bitterness is towards her dad because as she says "how can he let her do this to me when I'm his daughter?"

    stand up for yourself! you're letting her come between you and your son. and this is how he will see it. just put your foot down and tell her "i'm going to my parents or hotel or camping (whatever) with my son when my weekend comes about." don't let her convince you otherwise, because she will only do bad things to him in hiding.

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What Girls Said 2

  • your son needs you more. there is nothing you can do to make them closer. a trigger just went off in her brain after she had your baby that tells her "me, my husband, and our baby". everyone else, especially the ex's offspring is a threat and waste of time. it is very, very sad, but for many women & men, it is the truth. just think of it this way, years from now, it will be easier to convince your wife to take you back, but your son will hate you for the rest of his life; especially as an adult. if you waste more years trying to please your wife, and all of a sudden she leaves you for another man, will she have been worth losing your son's love?

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    • You made several valid points in your answer, but what about my 3 year old son? I feel like I'm deserting him if I leave because we're just as close as I am with my older son. My three year old doesn't like for me to be out of his sight. I work from home, so he's with me 24/7. He even still lays his head on my chest while he sleeps at night. if I try to go to the store of something simple without him, he screams bloody murder. Seriously, I can't even take out the trash without him going with me.

  • leave her

    I'm like that with my moms boyfriend

    he just leaves me out like a piece of dirt and it really hurt but don't worry ure son loves you because you seem to be a really good dad

    u should sit her down and tell her that if things don't change that ure gonna leave her

    I hope I helped you

    good luck :)

    oh could you please answer my question my question on the man that stares at me I need more mens advice

    thank you !

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What Guys Said 0

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