Is it wrong to sleep with my friends with benefits while dating another guy?

[Anonymous]

Ok so I once dated friends with benefits. It turned out that neither of us wanted to have a romantic relationship with each other. We had a very intense and passionate short term romance and after that have stayed close as friends. Close as in we have shared very intimate and personal things with each other. We get on well N enjoy being around each other or even just talking on the phone with each other. We have very intense and bonded sex. Yet I do not want to be with him.

Now I'm seeing a new guy who's a lot different. He is really reserved and quiet. We don't talk a lot during the week, and if we do it's texting and never the phone. Conversation doesn't flow easily for us and we don't have that chemistry like me and friends with benefits do. But this guys a catch. I think he may just be shy but this guy is still moving really slow. We had sex a few times (I hadn't slept with friends with benefits during that time) but it was very mechanical. We are seriously lacking passion.

When dating friends with benefits we had a hot and heavy passion that crashed hard and fast in a short amount of time.
With this guy, things are moving slowly (emotions wise) and I am frustrated to know if he'll ever open up to me.
he doesn't flirt with me, compliment me and he won't even admit if he likes me or not. I've hinted at exclusivity but he won't commit to the idea of me being his girlfriend quite yet.

Im going to visit my friends with benefits this week. My friends with benefits knows me better and more intimately than the guy I'm seeing. I feel very comfortable with him. I feel bonded during sex, like we're "vibing" on the same level.

I wish I could have that feeling with the guy I'm dating but he is so walled off that sometimes I'm even worried PDA in public will weird him out.

friends with benefits knows about the guy I'm dating but doesn't know I've had sex with him. Guy I'm dating doesn't know about friends with benefits at all. Neither of them would ever find out anyway but I can't help but feel guilty. Still, I'm technically single and not exclusive with anyone, so my sex life is my business, right?

Updates

+1 y

I don't know why gag auto corrected it to "friends with benefits" but it's ONE GUY that is my friend, with benefits.

[mim94]

Do you enjoy your fwb? Would you be prepared to let him go if the new guy asked you to?
I think it's wrong but my advice would have been to not see the friends with benefits and spend time with the new guy which is what you sort of did.
I have three fwb's though one I see very rarely. With the other two I'm not as close to personally as you are with yours but my main reason is because like you, the sex is very intense. They know about each other which I'm only guessing here but it seems to make them more intense.
Instead of giving you advice I'm giving you how I go about it.
When I meet a new person and it looks like going to the dating phase, firstly I tell them that I'm only interested in having an open relationship, I've had a few guys who got nasty and blew me off. Pretty sure they would have turned into control freaks. The other guys seem to love the idea in the beginning, before it gets romantic and sex happens, I tell them only that yes I have an friends with benefits. I haven't met Mr right but my having fwb's wasn't the reason for that. Still, my sex-life is great &
Yes
You are right, your sex life is your business.

[Wonderer89]

Personally I would be honest. One because I think anyone I would sleep with deserves to choose if they would still want to knowing that, some people do take issue with it as is their right. And two the new guy might be shy but is still emotionally investing himself in seeing you - again he deserves to make a choice based on the way you're viewing things.

I'm not in anyway saying you're wrong for wanting a bit of both seeing as you aren't yet exclusive - but you should be honest about that and let the guys make any decisions they feel comfortable with. I feel really strongly about owning our choices and wearing any repercussions. If you're scared it will impact what they think of you or how your relationships/friendships will change then it's a sign you're not making the right choice

[Wonderer89]

Thanks for MHO 😊

[Asker]

I took this comment to heat for a day and decided to cut my fw b loose and focus on my main man. Thanks!

[natured]

Your sex life is YOUR business, but since you found time to ask this question in detail, it shows me that you are not really alright with this situation.
I think it is time to make some decisions and clean things around you.
You should consider that in whatever you do, there HAS TO BE PASSION, so my advice would be to just continue having fun with the friends with benefits guy, even THOUGH there might be the RISK that you will fall in love with him, and the probability is high.

I would be extra careful in your situation,.
Good luck <3

[Asker]

Oh we went through that stage already when we were dating haha
He is not wanting a girlfriend right now and there are things about him I'd hate to have in a boyfriend. He is an awesome person but as far as a boyfriend I can't say I've ever visualized introducing him to my family.
On the other hand, I'm very open to the idea of falling in love with the guy I'm dating. My friend even supports it and says to give it a real chance. Lol

[natured]

Well in this case dollface, it would be better to drop them both and just have a new beginning, because if both of them have something that don't fit you, it's better to just free yourself from both of them, or else you will always stress about this.
I think you need a guy that has Your friends with benefits and your date all rolled into one LOL...
Wish you luck sweety be careful.

[Jager66]

Yes your sex life is your business.. Do what you want here, there isn't a right or wrong decision, it's a choice between wise and unwise. Think about the possible consequences here then make an informed decision.

Say you meet the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, you guys grow closer and closer together, sharing all kinds of things about your selves. You would have to choose between living with a life time of guilt knowing he's living a lie with you because he doesn't know the truth, never knowing if he would ever actually accept you.. Or you would have to tell him that while you two were dating, sleeping together, bonding, and falling in love you were also having sex with another man, and not any man, a man you are bonded with..

How would you feel if a man did that to you?
How can you know nothing would ever slip out by mistake.. 5 years into your marriage, you have a baby and he finds out.. do you want to be in that position?

[Asker]

I see your point. I guess where me and the guy I'm seeing are at, is that I've come out and told him I liked him and expressed my desire to co tinue to see him. He seems aloof. We haven't gotten close enough to each other to start falling in love. Hell, sometimes I don't even know if there will be another date or not. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket so to speak. BUT, if this man were to open his heart to me, I would definitely cut off my male friend. I would value a real relationship over occasional company from my friend.

[Asker]

And if he asked me to be exclusive, I would accept and be faithful to him and him only. I have no problem being loyal as I was loyal to my last ex for 7 years before HE cheated on me. I wouldn't cheat on someone who I was and was committed to me.

[Jager66]

That makes sense. Seems like you're trying to decide if you actually want to see where things go with the new guy, and if you hadn't already said that you did you would probably dump him and go have sex with your friend.

But it's tricky because you have easy access to good sex but know it will ultimately be unfulfilling, while finding the love of your life is very hard and will mean you might have to go without the good sex for a while.

So you've got your self in a tough spot because any new guy you go after is always going to be more work at first than it is for you to go have a quick lay. Especially if the guy your dating likes to move slow.

[Solutionsguru]

Obviously you cheated on your boyfriend... But there is one I noticed... You can't compare your friend with benefits with your boyfriend... I mean that's just so wrong... You see you are already having a great physical relation as well as you are having the same person to talk to about intimate things... You want that same feelings with your boyfriend but for that you'll have to give him time... And one more thing... From the looks of it I don't think you should be dating that guy anymore... I feel like he will be way less romantic even if he was shy... Cause you already have had sex a few times...

[Asker]

Ugh he's NOT my boyfriend why can't you people understand that we are not in an exclusive relationship

[Solutionsguru]

Either way.. You are dating the guy!!! And you don't find him romantic at all...

[Solutionsguru]

Am sorry... Mentioning him as your boyfriend was completely my mistake... I misunderstood what you said...

[VictoriaVille]

Personally I wouldn't , but before entering into a friends with benefits I'd discuss it first with him. So we know each others boundaries , and to make sure it's a mutual decision. Even friends with benefits relationships need boundaries

. Even though it wasn't a committed long- term relationship , I'd still be exclusive to him. I wouldn't see other guys too. friends with benefits can still go to places together and have fun.

[Anonymous]

From what I read it sounds like you have feelings for your friends with benefits but not for the guy you are dating and you are only dating him because you know he is a good catch bit you aren't really into him. I would suggest you end your relationship with the guy before you go back to sleeping with your friends with benefits. Because otherwise that is just wrong. Also if you do decide to stay with that guy tell him about your friends with benefits because I have a feeling if he knew about him and that you are still talking to him and wanting to sleep with him it would fix your problem.

[Asker]

I don't have romantic feelings but we have a fondness and closeness with and for each other. I'm into the guy I'm dating but I feel like he's not as into me which is why I was considering sleeping with my friend. I've decided to be patient though, and hopefully this guy will open up so we can have something real. Then my friend wouldn't even enter my mind if I had closeness and intimacy with my guy.

[slatyb]

Your sex life is your business. You haven't promised anyone that you were not having sex with anyone else. But you need to stop seeing the guy that you say is a "catch". It sounds like a miserable time, so I can only assume you keep seeing him because he makes good money. Do you imagine that somehow in the future it will magically get better with him? It won't. Find a guy who makes you happy.

[Asker]

When we are together I do have a nice time with him. We are looking for the same things which are companionship, marriage ultimately and maybe kids. His money is not a big deal for me. I would date a guy with a vocational degree even. It just so happens that he has a good job but I didn't find out til after we started dating. Even then we've had modest dates, and I never take him for a ride. He is a sweet guy, but very walled off which makes it hard for me to develop emotions because I don't want to fall for him and then feel stupid when it isn't reciprocated. He seems hesitant about taking dating into a relationship and that's the reason I've been a bit stressed about him and allowing myself to develop feelings for him.

[Geostigma]

Your boyfriend doesn't sound right for you if your thinking about sex with others. It's simple answer you can't have the best of both worlds.

Either break it off and don't play with people's hearts or talk with him about how you feel in a constructive manner that doesn't make him feel like less of a man.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd feel guilty as well if I were you. I consider it wrong, but that's just me. I never date or have sex with multiple people at the same time.

[Bandit74]

Well considering you are sleeping with another guy behind his back, I think the guy is right to not want to open up to you.

[Asker]

I'm actually not sleeping with my friend right now. The last time I slept with him was before I even went on a first date/met the guy I'm seeing.
I was considering seeing my friend tomorrow but, guilt overcame me. I've told my friend I can't see him tomorrow for other reasons. I have a date on the weekend with the guy I'm seeing. I've only been sleeping with him exclusively so far. I think I'll keep it that way and if it doesn't pan out I'll have no qualms about ending it and sleeping with my friend again.

[lumos]

How is it "behind his back" if they're not even exclusive and she's technically single?

[Anonymous]

Well how would you feel if a guy you were dating thought sex with you wasn't very good and was having what he considers to be much better sex with his friends with benefits? I am sure you wouldn't like that. You probably wouldn't want to date someone who thought like that. I'm not sure you should be dating him at all.

[Asker]

The sex isn't better or worse just completely different. He holds back emotion which makes things difficult. I've decided not to sleep with two people at once after all.

[Opinion Owner]

That's good to hear

[Rissyanne]

Would you mind if he was having sex with another girl while seeing you?

[Asker]

It would bother me..:/
Even though I have no claim to him as a boyfriend

[Rissyanne]

Then that is your answer.

[lumos]

No it's not wrong, you haven't committed yourself to the guy you're dating, so you're still single and you can do what you want. It's free game until you decide to become exclusive.

[Notorisch_Arschloch]

The above is why I don't even date. The fact that it's even socially acceptable to wonder such a thing makes taking a chance on any woman not worth it. You can NEVER know if you were that guy.

If I even became aware that a woman I dated wondered such a thing, I'd be calling a friend out of state to arrange an alibi.

[Asker]

That's worrisome even joking and I'm glad you don't date with that rationale.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with you sleeping with your friends with benefits while you're dating another guy! You're not exclusive with the guy you're dating and your friends with benefits is strictly casual so that means you're not tied down to anyone!

I'm in a similar situation as you... having sex with my friends with benefits as well as the woman I'm dating and she's doing the same since we haven't had the exclusive chat yet.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to do both.
It's really not a problem.

One is a friend with benefits and one is a "boyfriend"

[Asker]

True but if he became my real, official boyfriend I would only be having sex with him not my friend anymore

[YaBaba]

I believe what you are doing is wrong.
You are not technically single if you are dating someone.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with that. Until someone commits, you have no reason or responsibility to that person

[abundantlyrich]

Why you with him when you know you both r not really compatible?

[Asker]

We are compatible in every way nearly except passion, but maybe it will just take time with him.

[abundantlyrich]

He is a friend to you or he's an asexual

[CrystalChild]

Sounds like you already know the answer, but are making excuses. It's wrong, and selfish. Let your boyfriend know you cheated. You sound like you need time on your own to find your self worth. Good luck ~

[Asker]

Did you NOT read my post? He is NOT my boyfriend. We are NOT exclusive. Reading comprehension 101.

[CrystalChild]

You said "while dating another guy". Sleeping with two people at once without heir knowledge is wrong, whether he's your boyfriend or not. Don't be offended because you messed up and I said something... Because you asked

[Asker]

He had never told me he was exclusively sleeping with me nor did I ask that if him. I haven't forbid him for
Sleeping with other woman because I'm not his girlfriend. For all I know, he could be. I'm not offended. But dating someone does NOT make them your boyfriend. The mutual agreement of exclusivity determines a bf/gf relationship, which we have not gotten to yet.

[CrystalChild]

Okay then it sounds like you don't think you did anything wrong? Why ask this question?

[anon1903]

Good story idea.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound right tbh. Why? Cause lacking passion, plus stonewalling is a hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Remember your friend with benefits is likely to be sleeping with other girls too, so make sure you're not passing on anything.

[wolfie12]

If you can transfer any lingering disease, you are not in this sex ordeal alone.

[Asker]

You're right. :/ I've decided to not sleep with my friend as long as I'm dating this new guy.

[wolfie12]

That would be clever.

[Anonymous]

I Don't think there would be anything wrong with it. I'm currently seeing a girl who still sees her friend with benefits

[Asker]

That's interesting. Are you casually dating each other? Or are you boyfriend/girlfriend formal relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes we're just casually dating right now. And we're not to the point in our relationship where we're having sex