Ok, what is the best way to say to a guy?

OK, so I am currently casually seeing this great guy. Romantic dates, introduces me to all of his close friends, talks to me everyday even though we’re separated for the summer, always compliments me, confides in me, trusts me, sexually attracted to me (no sex though), he worries about me when I’m upset,and wants to visit me asap when he gets back. The issue is, he has been openly honest with me about still liking his ex gf. They dated for 14 months, she cheated on him. They are still really good friends, and right before she left she “was acting differently” and so now he thinks she may like him again. He told me he plans on spending a lot of time with her over the summer as friends before he makes a decision.

Now, my friends have told me that in order for him to not be so comfortable with the idea that I'll always be around for him (and for my sake) I should go see other guys but still let him know that I still really like him. What's the best way I can say this to him so he doesn't think I'm uninterested but still finds me less attainable? Can I say, I really like you but I think it's best if maybe we back off a little bit and I can have fun and maybe see some other guys in order to not lose on any opportunities?" or will mentioning guys be a turn off? Also, should we just be friends or should we continue to casually date/flirt with just less time and attention given to it?


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What Guys Said 2

  • When people break up, it should be over. Not sure why he is wanting to go out with his ex (who cheated on him). Maybe he's getting some. From past experience, this is one major reason I would consider going back to an ex.

    You might want to put your relationship on the line and confront him that either you and him become something more or just stay friends and close the door of other possibilities between you and him.

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    • I don't think he's getting any from her. Right now she's studying abroad and he said that until he decides what he wants to do, he plans on being strictly just friends with her (they have been friends for awhile) and that sounded genuine to me. She'll also be gone for 1.5 years after the summer LD... so he really would be dumb to go with her, but he obviously isn't willing to give up his feelings for her.

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    • I wouldn't interpret it as "handing me off" if anything it's more "showing me off." He went through a lot with the ex (her mom died and his dad was in a bad accident) so I think that's what bonded them so closely together and why he can't let her go. Trust me, I don't really get it either.. the girl isn't even attractive and I think I am.. not to be shallow, just truthful. All of his friends don't like his ex either for what she did to him but he still continues to be her friend and hold out hop

    • Interesting that you brought up the family events. If she played a major part in this for him, then it doesn't matter what she did to him that makes him have a strong attachment to her. I know it sounds weird but, in theory there are 3 things that men and women can do to really bait, hook, and sink a relationship. This is one example of that.

  • yea he's not ready for another relationship. he has to close that chapter before he can be a 100%

    go out do you thing you have no obligation to this guy. also if you like him you can't be friends. it wouldn't be fair to the guys your going to start to date.

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