I don't know what I really want.

OK so my ex and I broke up a month ago. he and I dated a year and 3 months almost. yeah it hurt like hell, because he was my first true love. well after I decided that I didn't want to wait for him to grow up and realized he wasn't coming back I moved on. me and the new guy (who I had been friends with for a while and knew he liked me) decided to start going out. the very day I met his son (who is a year and a half) which was about a month since me and my ex had been broken up, my ex told people I cheated on him, which I would never do and he damn well knew that, just to get me pist enuff to talk to him again. he apologized for everything he said and did that screwed up our relationship. he said it was all his fault and he's sorry and he wants me back and all that stuff. I'm torn apart now because I have a history with him, tho it was good up till the month we broke up, but I had started falling for my friend who I have been dating since the ex left. I've never had to chose between two people I love and care about. the ex and I rushed into our relationship the first time as in we didn't get to know that much about each other. we weren't friends before that. but he's been going to church twice a week, reading the Bible and praying, stuff I tried to get him to do when we were together, he's determined to sell his xbox that he ignored me for all the time, he's stopped looking at porn because it always made me mad. he's doing everything he can to prove to me I can trust him not to break my heart. but I'm still lost. he wants to start a life with me, get married and start a family after he finishes his last year in high school and the two years he's going to go to college. the other guy, is a great person. from the time we met he's been nothing but a good friend and was there when I needed him. he waited for me the whole time I was with my ex. I already know he's a great father. and he shows he actually cares. my ex did at first but after a while he quit. I'm not sure if I should be with the one I have a history with or the one who waited a little over a year for me. everyone is telling me to not date my ex again. but I don't know what I really want. my heart ain't telling me nothing. because I love them both. I'm so confused. any advice please...


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What Guys Said 2

  • Okay so what I read out of your question is that you basically want more people to tell you not to date your ex again? ;)

    I can do that: Don't date your ex again!

    But you know what, I give you reason for me saying this, too. To my experience, girls pretty often have a hard time forgetting about their first love. Or rather not to forget but to let go. But here's one thing you will find out sometime soon, too:

    > Your life continues!

    There are a lot of great guys out there in the ocean. And as it appears you actually found one. And to me it seems that you really like this guy. So my initial reaction was like 'Why the hell is this girl even considering dating her ex again?'...

    I mean, I can't take the decision off of you, all I can say is:

    Life is a path of change, failure and success. One doesn't come without the others. With every failure comes success and with success comes change, et cetera... You were in a relationship with a guy who... well, was a jerk at that time.

    You broke up - failure. You knew a relationship doesn't work like the one you were in so in your next relationships you'll notice things sooner (you already do, with that guy who has a child) so due to this failure you got better at relationships in general, even if it's just a small amount (success). You changed(!) your view on certain things ;)

    Your ex-boyfriend has the same going on right now. He noticed his failures (xbox, no church) and decided to change(!) to become a better boyfriend in the future (which then is called success).

    Now this is nothing I read up from a book or something even thought it might seem like, giving it names like failure, success, change, etc... it's more like the Yin and Yang principle ( link ). With every good there is bad and with every bad there is good (short version :D).

    What I'm trying to say is. No matter how much you think you got history with someone. There were good times and there were bad times. The bad times at the end overwhelmed the good ones so you broke up for good reason.

    Now you found a new person to be with so I would suggest to stick to that guy and let your ex fade away from your life. He will ALWAYS be your first one (especially if he was the first you've had sex with - I don't know about that ;)) and you will always value him to some extent.

    But just given what you've written here it doesn't appear to me that this is a guy you'd want to spent the rest of your life with.

    I hope this helped you thinking a bit.

    /sam

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  • he has to change for himself, not someone else, to make it last...

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