What should I expect?

What should I expect while dating someone who is 21 years old and 9 years younger than myself?

What types of issues are there?

What are the benefits?

What turns these girls on/off?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Depends on the girl but overall think back to how you have changed since you were 21.

    Around that age, you are more idealistic. So many things are new to you and you want to explore life. Going out to clubs and staying out until 4 or 5 in the morning regularly could hold great charm to her. She may simply have more energy than you to stay up and party. Of course, not all 21 year olds party but many do. Another challenge is hanging out with her AND her friends. You may connect with her but her friends could be a different story.

    I disagree with kittycat933 and her assessment of sex drive. When I was in my early 20's I was more uptight and uncomfortable with my sexuality. In my 40's that has all changed and my sex drive is through the roof. I have dated several guys in their 20's and their complaints about 20 something girls is that they are not necessarily the best in bed, but, again, that does not apply to all girls in their 20's. I think the biggest issue they experience is that for older women sex is important and we enjoy it for what it is. Girls in their 20's can see sex as something you do as part of getting the guy, not necessarily just for the sex.

    So, just do what you would do with any girl you date. Go on dates, get to know her, find out what she likes and how she likes to spend her time and you will know more about her tastes and the rhythm to her life.

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    • Ok so now I'm off topic. so your saying if I give a younger girl a chance I should give an older woman a chance too.... hmmm how easy would it be for a guy (30) to pick up a 40 year old woman? What should I look for when I go out and how should I approach her?

    • You should give anyone a chance that floats your boat. Just be honest with them about what you are looking for. Oh, and don't think dating a 40-something gal is going to be easy pickings. A great looking gal in her 40's is not going to be any easier a target than a younger gal. In fact, we are more up on the silly things guys say and do when all they want is a jump into bed.

What Girls Said 10

  • there is about a 10 years difference between the two of you

    expect a lot of immature girl friends of her to say immature things

    expect that she doesn't quite know much about relationship experience or does know only the superficial side or has a lot to experience in life that you have already walked the path of.

    expect that her friends may love or hate you, it can go either way.

    expect that people are always gonna judge.

    benefits? that can be defined by the guy.

    I would never date a guy 10 years older than me to be truthful because I don't feel a connection with guys at that age and my age---especially when I know they've probably got a slew of relationship experience and been through a lot of women before they met me.

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  • Don't expect anything I think is the key.

    I am 22 and recently went on a date with a guy 9 years older than me. It depends on the individuals involved!

    Benefits for a guy are likely to be that she is up for trying new things, enjoys being with her friends and doesn't have much baggage.

    Issues would be: do you have anything in common, are you looking for the same things in a relationship at such different stages in your lives.

    What interests a girl is the chase, and a bit of excitement. I don't want a man that constantly compliments me and gets too needy and clingy. But at the same time I don't want to do all the chasing myself. So a good balance is needed. She is likely to feel a little insecure about the age difference, and could be questioning whether you think she is too immature. Reassure her that you are interested in her by making an effort to call her and express you want to see her again. But don't let that turn into 5 phone calls a day as she will get bored!

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  • Been there done that I thouht I was stella got her grove back went to Jamaica in everything he was the second one I dated that was 9 to 10 years younger then me. All I could say is this will never work they are to immature yeah they play like their mature in the beginning but eventually the immaturity comes out. The one I went to Jamaica with he was 21 and I was 30, I would say they don't have no money but he did he worked 3 jobs in made over 100,000 a year so I can't say that about all of them. But the other one that I dated he lied about his age when we got together he told me he was 23 years old when he was only 20 I was 31 I believe, (I know dated both very close I was trying to get my grove back don't hate). Anyway the other one was broke couldn't keep a job now he has 2 baby mamas and 5 kids got out of there boy. I feel it's best when it comes to a relationship to date people our age or at least close to it but if you want to just have some fun in just go on dates in get your pleasure then go a head date someone younger because at least they can go boy you know what I mean. My ex husband was dating a girl 16 in he was 38 years old he got her pregnant (this is not while we were together this is when we were divorced for over 10yrs) but what am saying is it wasn't suppose to have goten that far when it did there was nothing he could do but have another kid so if your going to be just having fun just have fun with protection and GOOD LUCK I MISS THOSE DAYS BEING STELLA DAMN.

    P.S

    My man now is 50 and am only 39 what a difference so have fun why you can lol

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  • I'm answering your follow up question...yes, you could give older gals a chance. I'm 39 and have met or dated a couple of guys in their mid-30's. You would need to realize that most older gals have children or are divorced. For me, maturity and respect are important and having commonality would be important too.

    Regarding your initial question an issue might be she wants to party and explore, while you might want to settle down. Also, the brain is still developing until about the age of 25.

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  • I'm a 20 year old dating someone who is 27. The age difference is pretty close to the one your dealing with. I think the perks are endless. Factually, girls mature faster than guys. Girls seek a sense of security that is more likely found in older men. We like when our men are mature, experienced in life, and stable. Often girls will find they are attracted to someone older for those very reasons.

    My relationship works out perfectly. The age difference doesn't bother us at all. Yes, he's further progressed in succeeding goals, having a stable life, and being dependable. But he can also have just as much fun as I can. I'm obviously not nearly as "settled down" as he is. I still have a little bit of that immaturity. But so does everyone.

    The issues are minor, if you really like this girl who cares about the age difference. It's not creepy, it's not even frowned upon. Do what makes you happy. Live life for yourself, and no one else.

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  • Typically a girl in her 20s wants "the relationship" more than anything. Might seem clingy, sex is usually not an issue depending on her confidence level. The issues might be if you want to jump into the "marriage and kids" picture, unless you both already have established this as a goal you want to achieve or not, that might intimidate her or even scare her away. The benefits would be energy, and sex drive. Turn-ons are entirely individual, though age specific I would count on the stereotypes if she's your regular ol' straight girl - spontaneity, sincerity, romance and probably public displays of affection (don't overdo it) don't be too STABLE unless she's totally neurotic she will want some more excitement than you might assume. Above all else, discuss it with her. No two girls are alike, though they might have similar qualities being grouped together.

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  • Honestly, the relationship will be great at first, but I think you'll notice a lack of maturity on her part at times; it's bound to happen with a nine year age difference. The point is, be patient. Woman in their twenties are vibrant and alive! Make sure you nurture her need to be social and spontaneous; take her out dancing and buy her gifts (even small ones like candy or flowers) for no good reason. Make sure she feels loved----be affectionate and protective of her. An obvious perk is that you'll never be bored! She'll always keep you guessing so it's important to keep up with her pace otherwise she'll drop you for someone who can. Hope this helps!

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  • alright 21 equals access into evrything. expect drama. honestly... those are the partying and exploring yrs. unless something dramatic happened to her to help her grow up, then she's just that... a 21 year old grl.

    benefits... she's prob at her skankiest and most fun right now. endless energy

    turn ons and offs are the same but with more emphasis on control. if a guy tried to tell me I cldnt party @ 21 he wld have been booted.

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  • I would expect the same things I would expect in general from a person I cared about/ or that I'm with. Age shouldn't change your expectation.

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  • I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 30. 7 years, not as great as you guys. but know that she's still in the stage where she probably doesn't want to settle down yet, she wants to go ut andhave fun

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    • She swears that she isn't a party girl, but she is very "friendly" with boys. I recently broke up with her because she gave me the cold shoulder while texting her new, male, boss. she said it was only about business. but she was texting him for 8 hours. she said she was just trying to make a friend at her new job. sounds like bullsh*t to me.

What Guys Said 3

  • if you love that person the age is doesn't matter. but ya the society might be not accept ur relationship. you must have to support that girl

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  • sounds good to me man get them before they have kids or baggage.

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  • Expect feeling like you're raising a child that doesn't know what she wants to be or where to end at, no matter how much she has already did, if you were talking of the majority of girls, you'll have to deal with it this way.

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