Would it be a turn off if a girl doesn't initiate phycial contact?

Question

I have issues showing any type of interest in a guy more than asking him out and agreeing to dates. Any type of physical contact or compliments, being open about feelings etc. is very hard for me to do, and i know it can come across as im not interested, even when i am.

I know that can make the guy im seeing feel like im not attracted to him, but i find it uncofortable to touch people, im just bad with intimacy. I barely hug my own family and friends, in addition im terrible with being open and vunreable with my feelings (even with my family).

Im seeing-ish this guy, we have been on three dates so far and there is no question in my mind that he is attracted to me. He is better with touching, touching my knee or stroking my back, just in general initiate a lot more phycial contact.

Im better with people touching me in terms of it not necessarly making me feel uncomfortable, but actually initating anything is not my nature. Would this be a turn off?

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

It shouldn't. And any guy who does has issues and is more likely interested in just getting into your pants than they are concerned about your personal convictions regardless of your reasons. You should want to feel safe. And if you don't feel safe, then you don't feel safe. But at the same time, allow random people who your dating touching you can give that person the wrong message. It is best to talk about this situation when you're ready. You should NEVER have to force this. You have to be careful who you become emotionally attached to. Touch is very powerful and you're sensitive to that. You don't want every and anybody just doing that. If you naturally don't feel comfortable with it, take it as a sign. That person may not be right for you. However, I don't agree with becoming so physically so quickly. And it also means your not ready to give up part of yourself to others. I get the same way, and that is because I am SENSITIVE to people. I end up taking on too much than I need and it can become overly stressful. A genuine guy will take his time and he wouldn't force you. But as long as your making the effort getting everything out of way in knowing who your pursuing, let things come naturally. However, don't get distracted by his looks or personality. Find out what are his intentions if things were to become serious between you two.

hvmars · Accepted Answer

I'm literally exactly the same I am terrible at initiating anything and I don't want to hug or kiss my boyfriend first bcos I don't want to come across as vulnerable but he often tells me he wishes I would just grab him and kiss him so I am trying to force myself to more... I think I'm the long run you will have a better relationship if you force yourself to do it and then you will become more comfortable with it and it is a massive turn on for guys

ManasiM · Accepted Answer

You dont have to necessarily initiate. It may depend on how well you respond to the touch. So, you should just relax and let yourself be who you really are from within. Just be yourself.

TheDevil01 · Accepted Answer

Well, to be honest I had the same problem with my girl she was so uncomfortable in touching me or anyone. You know it's too quick for you to get that intimacy level at this earliest stage. I would rather say go slow make yourself comfortable by reading about it or Google it... Start initiating the touches with your family first. when you become a little comfortable take yourself a level up. But go slow and decide the levels by yourself how much you can handle it. Do you like him touching you? Does it makes you uncomfortable too? Well, it would not be entirely a turn off but yeah it'll definitely show that you're quite not interested in the person or the activity. I'll suggest that you should talk to him and ask him for some time to get you comfortable with touching and the intimacy. Its just that you're afraid of getting hurt. You're just not ready for it mentally and emotionally at this time. Wait untill you do, it's too important to be ready at both levels before any physical contact. I'm sure you'll do great and overcome it gradually. Good luck.

MrBrownBisons · Accepted Answer

Most likely neither. The problem is that, and my last relationship was like this, if you don't have any physical contact, the guy becomes hesitant to kiss you/touch you/make any type of move. It makes us, it made me, feel like we're invading your space and we can't enjoy anything physical to the full effect

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

As a guy who generally likes to be the one to initiate physical contact, I have to say that it gets old after a while if the girl I'm with doesn't even try to show attraction until I do it first.

Being the one to make all the first moves can be really sexy in the early stages of a relationship. But there eventually comes a point where I'm gonna want her to start feeling comfortable with showing me she wants me. That doesn't necessarily have to be in the form of actually making the first moves, but she still shouldn't be 100% reactive either.

Razal · Answer

In the long run it can be. Very much depends how you respond to once a physical contact is initiated. If you respond well it will go fine in short run but in long run there will be times when you will be expected to initiate physical contact. Otherwise the guy will think that you are not into him that's why you don't initiate physical contact.

And if you do not respond well to physical contact then even in short run the guy will get the message "don't come near me much I am
not enjoying it, stay at a distance". And he will run away !!

Hal2002 · Answer

Yes, for me that would be a big turn off.

There is nothing fun about being with someone, and not knowing if they are into you. With someone like you, you don't know if touching you will be accepted or you find yourself being accused of sexual assault.

art84 · Answer

If she doesn't initiate contact then it would just feel weird to me. It would be like I had to do initiating physical contact and be like well why can't she do the same to me. Might turn the other person away if you feel that they don't like initiating physical contact.

TheUsername27 · Answer

Yes... because most clever men would not risk randomly touching a woman out of the risk of her being once of those crazy feminist who would file for some kind of sexual assault. Or they would just shout and make a huge deal about it... resulting in you getting kicked out of X club or a bunch of white knights closing in on you.
women should be the ones to initiate touching men... it is just too risky for men now.

GAMER559 · Answer

If you can pet an animal, like a small dog, than pretend his forearm or arm is like the back of the dog and lightly: touch, hold, or stroke once on multiple occasions - it can be held for few seconds if need be.

Studies show that Arms and hands are the least intrusive of personal space on the body. So in reality, it's not a big deal; but he will notice, (which should be the goal, while still not being a big move which can be fearful on your part) even if he doesn't seem to notice.

tetris · Answer

yes major turn off you won't get a guy or have one for long if you dont initiate physical contact so get over yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

To me, it kind of is. I'm not saying I like really aggressive women but I do like when they come on to me sometimes. It shows interest and that they really want you. To me when a woman never initiates anything it just seems like a lack of interest which turns me off.

JustYourType · Answer

it may put a little doubt in his mind that you're interested, but it is extremely sexy when a woman initiates contact.

calipark · Answer

A girl initiating physical contact is always, always a huge turn on. It's a plus though, not something totally necessary.

bo494 · Answer

You need to figure out why you are uncomfortable with intimacy. It could be an issue in a long term relationship.

ritxi · Answer

I can't imagine any situation where the physical contact initiated by a girl can be a turn off.

Treble · Answer

nah, it just means you might not workout for some guys. like me, I dont want to start it if she may not want it. i will ask straight up and get the answer maybe or I don't know, so I typically dont unless we are in full cuddle mode

samy121 · Answer

it is not like you directly have to fuck him... move slowly

Anonymous · Answer

but that's the thing though.. if you ever plan to be in a relationship, you'll need to be physical with them. that's what a relationship is, being able to be with someone like that

mmog1 · Answer

no in fact its more cute for me when she's awkward about that kind of thing

advaj98 · Answer

better to take things slow

HikerDude · Answer

No, I have the balls in my relationships.

TallAnon · Answer

Not a turn off, but not a turn on either.

eagle1951 · Answer

would you let your guy do the initiating

Would it be a turn off if a girl doesn't initiate phycial contact?

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