How do I get un-stuck?

I got dumped in April by my girlfriend who happened to be my first love. It was the third time she broke up with me in under a year. I know I can do better and don't need her and her instability, but I'm stuck. I have hooked up with other girls since, no sex tho but I feel like I always come back to her and get stuck on her. How do I get unstuck from my first love who I dated for 9 months.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • wow... this is almost exactly like my relationship. Like exactly. Broke up in the same month, the amount of times... ok, I hope you're around to answer my questions so I can answer your question. Do you know how she feels about you? How do you feel about her right now? Can you tell me more about the situation that lead to your break up?

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    • Well after our breakup I said some mean things that I've had to work my way back by apologizing because I want her in my life. She wants to be friends I guess. She said we would be better friends then boyfriend and girlfriend. and that we were two different people. I myself, will always love her I mean I know she loves me but I'm still IN love with her.

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    • We didn't talk for like a month and now we talk kind of often. She confides in me about a lot of issues he has and she really trusts me. When I was hooking up with L I was having a great time, I wasn't even thinking of my ex. Now I feel like I took a step back. I still and prob always have feelings for my ex.

    • Dumpping problems on you=bad. it's never a good thing. don't think of it as a "she trusts me" thing. stop talking to her. she sounds like she needs to learn how to control her own life and her own problems.

What Girls Said 6

  • DON'T go on blind dates... it won't help you any. Trust me. Take some time off to pull yourself together. This is only your first love! Of course it's going to hurt if you don't have any break up experience before.

    Just take it easy. Hang out with your friends. Go into the "who needs girls, anyway?" mode for a while. Play some sports, do whatever you like to do most. Keep yourself occupied.

    Time will eventually heal the wounds. You'll have scars, but since this is your first breakup, if you have any more to come, it'll make you stronger for the next time.

    Clear yourself away from her for a while. I wouldn't be friends with her until I was sure that I had my emotions in check. There's no point in keeping contact with her if she's always going to be out of reach, if you know you're this close to her but you'll never get to be more again, that she'll always consider you just a friend. It'll just hurt you more and make dealing with it all more difficult.

    Also, I'd write a letter to her, ...pour out your emotions in that letter. Get everything off your chest -- everything she's done to hurt you, everything that you hate her for, everything you've been dying to say but never got a chance to. Then burn or throw away the paper -- don't actually send it to her.

    That will make it final somehow, that it's over. It'll ease your conscience a bit. It helped for me.

    I hope everything works out for you, as well. Breakups are a part of life, I've been through three and no matter how many times it's been repeated, I know that it would never have been easy to cope with if not for my friends and family. And my distractions.

    Also -- this could be an issue for you later: I find that when I'm surrounded by people, I forget my worries. But when I'm alone in my room, or even at night before going to bed -- all these thoughts and this depression comes rushing back. If you're alone at any moment and feel depression coming over you, listen to some music that you know will cheer you up. Read a book -- preferably one that DOESN'T have romance in it -- do something that will take your mind off things! Again, remember; keep yourself occupied... and let time do the rest!

    If you have any more questions, or just need to talk -- you can send me a private message, or just comment on this reply. Best of luck!

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  • I just got out of a relationship of seven years, he left me. he's also left me numerous times within that span. You just gotta give yourself time to heal, eventually you will get there. april isn't too far away the emotions can still be raw at the time. Don't force hook ups with other girls, focus on you..nothing else is going to help you forget her until you are ready. I'm not rushing anything at this point I know I have to do what's best for me and that's focusing on me, I'm not going to talk to other guts either just to feel ''better''

    Remember its all about you and when your healed.

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  • You need to heal and grieve for what has been lost, you don't need to belittle what it was or 'trash' her. You need to give yourself time.

    Try and keep yourself busy take up a new sport, and just put all this excess energy and pain into that. It will help, just a little bit at a time, but you will get there, trust me we have all been there!

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    • "Try and keep yourself busy take up a new sport, and just put all this excess energy and pain into that. It will help" <-Thats a great idea, ill try it sometime

    • How is is going now? basically I was in the same boat as you when I responded and having thrown myself at life I have met someone infinitely better.

  • I would say avoid relationships for a while. I'm sort-of in the same situation. I keep talking to the guy that keeps dumping me. I think he keeps coming back to me cause he is not in love with me but he knows that I will keep letting him in my life, cause I'm in love with him. Trust me, stand up for yourself. She is not in love with you and he is not in love with me. So, stop letting her into your life. People realize what they lose when they have finally lost it. Stop communicating with her. I'm doing the same.

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  • i know loves blind bt you need 2 gt over her id sat stay single 4 a while and jst hv fun

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  • find what you like about the girl and, find it in another girl..it might take you months but once you find that person that won't hurt you. you'll be happier=] basically cut communication and try to avoid the girl. itll definitally be hard but worth it in the end

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What Guys Said 5

  • first and foremost..from what I'm understanding, excuse me from what I'm assuming, you got dumped, ok its done, you try to move on, but every girl you hook up with or try to become attracted to you compare to your ex? well my ex did this and my ex had that...if my assumption is right you need to stop that. You're basically living in a "relationship cave". By that I mean you have to open up, come out of hte cave and see these girls for who they are, stop comparing them to your ex. Because every girl is different somehow and some way and you will notice that as you move forward with your life. So instead of being like man my girlfriend had a better personality, try to see what is differnet about this girl...what are her highlights, what can she offer you.

    be a man about it, don't let the girls throw you around, because they will if they know they can. You've got to be independant, you're still relying on your ex to be there for you. And as impossible as this may sound now, TIME WILL HELP and time will heal...just take things slow. No one says you have to date orhook up or whatever, but you have got to keep yourself busy. When my ex broke upw ith me I was a mess, I didn't know what to do, I begged for her back - wrong wrong wrong. then I started going to the gym, my confidence came back, girls started to notice me more - not that I was a pig before but they noticed because I was confident about myself and hey, who doesn't like a guy/girl who takes care of their body...

    go out, have fun, meet new people, be outgoing, do ANYTHIGN to keep her off your mind...if you don't feel like going out to parties or whatever, start a new TV series...something that will get you hooked or interested in. So that when you'd normally think about her you'll be working out, or partying, or meeting new people, or watching that new tv series...also try and buy yourself a new cd...nothing soppy or sad, just a new good cd, or maybe an old one you havne't heard in a while - something that will get you pumped up to go out and have fun!

    bottom line, everyones heart breaks at some point in their life, its the people who analyze the situation, understand why they broke up, work on themselves to become a better person, and do things to try and better themselves. not saying the end of your relationship was your fault, she seems like a very indescisive person, but you've got to start moving on at some point...take your time, it will come...dont go looking for love either, it will find you!

    good luck man

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  • first thing you need to realize is that there's plenty of other options out there and there ALWAYS will be. Secondly, you broke up for a reason, several times, think about why you guys broke up in the first place and the things you said when you were p*ssed. Think totally LOGICALLY with it. Don't think back and say "oh I don't know I was kind of just being stupid." Think about what you said, and the root of why you said it and then apply that to thinking about her and why you broke up instead of how your still in love. It worked for me and I couldn't give a sh*t about it anymore, and I dated her way longer than 9 months.

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  • Step back, Hang out with some male friends, for a while and start meeting some girls in places you know she won't be at. Just have fun. Forget about her. If need be make a list of all her bad traits and all the traits she is missing. and you will realize you are better without her.

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  • im just getting out of that situation me girl dumped me and she was my first love too.U just need to take a break. don't date anyone cause it won't work cause your mind will most likely be on her. you need to accept the fact that you two are done. take time for yourself do things that you need to do and most of all try to have fun the less you think of her the faster you'll get over her.

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  • well when I broke up with my first love (that lasted around 7 months) the best thing to do was just go back to the normal things you did before you went out with her. like honestly the best medicine is time. Time heals everything eventually. It all depends on the person on how long it would take to get over her but I think it took me about 1-2 months but a friend of mine took almost a year to get over his ex lol or you can continue doing what your doing now. keep finding girls and maybe one will get you over her. there's a saying that goes: the only way you can get one broken nail out is using another nail. do you get it? well I think time is the best medicine if you ask me. good luck!

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