Yes
No
Gross
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Date? Sure. Do? Sure.
Marry her and raise her kids? No.
Here's the problem with stepping...
1. You will never be the most important thing to this woman - her kid (s) will ALWAYS come first. So you're always number 4 or 5 rung on the ladder of importance. In my married family I was always #1. Always.
2. You will NEVER have any final say in anything. You will never have any authority over anything in her household.
3. No matter the effort or what you do for them will ever be truly appreciated by either, mother or children. Especially the child - you will always be a 'step'.
4. If you have more kids with her and later divorce you will be paying for the ones that were never yours.
5. Her children will always be in the way of your plans, they will always take priority.
6. If there's a bio dad around there will ALWAYS be drama in the household.
7. If she couldn't hold her marriage together in the first place what makes you think she'll be able to hold it together with you?
Woman are bailing out of perfectly good marriages at an alarming rate, and abandoning their husband and sometimes even their children simply because they're not HAAAAAAPPPPPPYYYYYY. It's a disgusting trend, all justified by the FI. Even their girlfriends and relatives will tell them they deserve to be HAAAAPPPPYYY. There is zero social stigma for this. If she bails the husband was an asshole. If he bails on her he's a complete asshole. At least wait 'till the kids are up and gone before you blow it up.
No, never raising someone else's crotch fruit.
@Receoso Sorry. And thanks. :)
BTDT got the tee-shirt. Then my oldest daughter went out and did it herself - married into an existing family and became a step. Fortunately it's working out well for the time being, and of course the hope it that it will 'till the kid is up and gone.
My 3 turned out fine, 2 are from a previous, 1 from wife ver 2.0. Divorce from wife ver 1.0 cost right at half a million dollars.
Haven't read a more on point post. Girls can dislike this ALL they want but its 100% true. And having to pay for her kids prior divorce? That's a joke! Jesus christ. I have a friend who has a step dad who has raised him since he was 10 (now 20)... his mom was speaking to me and has said... she would never let the step dad tell her son off or tell him what to do because he isn't his dad...
@Browneye57, half a million, simply wow, that is indentured service, my condolences man.
@Receoso The first $250K was the down payment - splitting of assets. I was willing to walk away from a lot of it, bought her a house and put her and the kids in it, took all the debt - because I'm the one that wanted out. The another $200K in child support over 15 years. But I'm done.
At one point she said, "You have no right to have another child", and "I don't give a shit if you have to live in a cardboard box".
If you guys have ANY tangible assets and are planning to marry, make sure there's a pre-nup in place or you'll lose at least half of it.
Another point the single moms can't seem to grasp is that they're likely to have to work, and they have to be both parents - no sharing of duties, so those kids of hers need her around - not off gallivanting around with some guy getting her jollies. When the kids are up and gone THEN maybe she'll have some time to date. What a disaster.
@Receoso - "Sometimes when we write the truth in a neutral way, it is easier to accept and the world becomes a better place because of it" - you can pussy-foot around and whitewash it all you want - doesn't change it. And they don't want to hear it anyway. Yes, women have declared war on the men.
"Ok so here's the thing, might be a little harsh sounding but I DO NOT mean it to be like me putting you or anyone down.
Guys DO NOT dream of being a stepdad. Some don't even dream of being a dad in general.
Having dated a girl with 2 kids, was also in prep to spend the rest of my life with them. She turned around and decided to try things again with the ex-husband. Sucks quite a lot but to each his/her own. But understand you are no longer forming a relationship with a guy yourself, your kids are too. And if a guy fails to understand that as well he prolly isn't worth your time.
I miss those kids."
I get to copy paste this answer, to an identical previous question, every time I see this pop up.
I'm so sorry to hear that! It's weird; because I personally wouldn't bring a man into my life. I'm a very anxious person. And the lives of my children and their safety is far more important than a relationship. I've never had the desire of a partner; just curious. I'm not single either. Happily married. (Yes, father of my kids) But I see so many horrible posts to women about their looks etc; as though the mans mothers didn't go through it too. I personally wouldn't EVER date a man with children. So fair is fair. Haha
Too each their own, I personally was the same way. wouldn't do it. But she became my best friend after like 8 months... who doesn't want their SO to be that? Kinda just happened, never wanted kids in any respect but after a few days hanging out with them and her I guess made that evaporate. Things ya never expect.
But on to a womans body about it, she's in control of it for the most part. Its hard work but its something attainable as far as losing the I had a baby look or whatever it is people are so concerned with. She was 5'5 230 Before her kids, they changed her a lot and she lost 90lbs after the second pregnancy. Its a choice as far as Im concerned how a woman decides to treat their body after such an event. Im in not way disregarding the damage and strain that it causes to it, and the fact it makes things much harder to accomplish... but it can be done.
I think it's a situational thing, I do understand why some men just don't want to though. For me I've always been in a good spot to date, I have a great family support system. I have 2 sisters and neither have kids so my little one is the only grandchild in the family. For me it's not hard finding someone to watch her because my family fights me to take her even when I have no plans or heck even when I have plans. Sometimes my mom just takes her and I have to hunt her down in the city and find her and snatch her back 😂 I have seen friends struggle with dating and not have any family or help whatsoever. Also baby daddy drama, I've never had that. Me and her father have been amicable since day 1, but I think it helped being that we weren't really in love. I was only 20 and I know this sounds stupid but my mom never taught me anything about sex, she only preached abstinence so I got pregnant right away with him. He's had new gfs and I've had new bfs and we've never had drama. I've dated a guy with a kid and his ex was a lot of drama, so I get when guys don't want a psycho ex to deal with because that strains a relationship. The only thing I worry about when dating is the point where he eventually meets my kid, how were all going to mesh together and if he's ok with doing "kid stuff". I'm a kid at heart so for me to go to the zoo or trampoline places I have fun and jump or play too.
Very thoughtful and well said. Kudos to you mom. I really respect a good hearted woman who is mature enough to be a mom. It shows that you are loving and actually care for someone other than yourself. A guy would be very fortunate to find a single mother and fall in love. Someone who is also willing to be a father and love your child.
It's nice to see 66% of guys are open to the idea of dating a woman with children. It's understandable a younger guy (eg under 25) may feel overwhelmed by the idea of the instant family but wow guys who assume there will be drama with an ex, a woman with kids won't want more, or some idea that a guy wants to be your first. Once upon a time the same was said about virginity and now that practically no one is a virgin, men shift the focus to being baby free. And omg assumptions that children automatically mean a body that is somehow substandard to a woman with no kids - firstly women can gain weight and have stretch marks without having children. Secondly I feel sorry for your wives if you decide a woman is only attractive if she hasn't had children - are you going to love be her less? Personally, I would date a guy who had kids firstly because I get to evaluate what kind of father he would be first hand and I get to see how well balanced his children are, I get to see how he behaves under intense pressure and how he treats his ex - has he found an amicable way to deal with the most difficult person in his life, I know that he has learned to love and care for someone more than himself, and as for the instant family - well the more the merrier and really, when you marry someone you marry into their family so your partner is never completely yours.
If I got along well with the mom and her kid/kids then I would think nothing less of our relationship. I am curious though as I am unable to imagine. I believe I would get an intense feeling that she is taken and unable to love me. But maybe that's wrong. Anyway if it comes to it and I feel that she loves me and nobody else I'm all in.
@Vitdom it is true that children will take up some of her time but then if you were to have kids of your own with someone, that would also be the case. A woman can love her man whether she has kids or not - the kids usually don't make her love him less. Typically children do introduce limitations but also bring a whole lot of positives as well.
@Scooby225 while some people may have become a single parent due to an accidental pregnancy, some may have been previously married and either divorced or widowed. It's not just a case of "serves you right for not using protection during sex". And also, protection can fail.
I wouldn't really care honestly, as I've never been attached to the idea of having my own kids. Adoption has always been my preference, so even if I met a man with his own children, that would work out just fine. I know I have a big enough heart to love another person's children as much as my own.
The issue usually seems to be the children not accepting the new boyfriend or the new witch stepmother.
Opinion
70Opinion
Dated and was married to a woman with a child from a previous relationship. Never again will I date a single mom with young kids, well unless maybe a sex buddy thing.
Single moms with young kids, just do not have the time to devote to you that they expect you to devote to them. As well as you will never be anywhere near the top of her priorities, and if baby daddy is lurking around prepare to take shit for things he has done.
Be prepared to be a bank account for her kid or kids, and the women that say that they don't need you to support their kid or kids are not being realistic. There is no way in hell, you can be in a relationship with a single mom and not contribute financially to her kid or kids.
I would never expect a man to pay for my children. I earn my own money! My husband ( biological dad ) does things financially. And even that stresses me out. He knows I don't want him paying for everything. So if I'm like that with a man I've been with for 11 years; and is the biological dad to my children, imagine a man that isn't the dad? No way!
You are fucking nuts.
It stresses you out, that your husband and the biological father of your children financially supports his own kids.
You earn your own money, good for you.
You are a rear woman, because I don't know any guy that has dated or had a relationship with a single mom that has not financially had to help with the kids.
But I am sure not to many women, believe the cock and bull story you are trying to sell either. As a lot of women have found out after a divorce, that pay check they got when someone else was helping with the bills that seems so great. Is not so great or goes as far, when she has the pay the bills on her own.
Hal2002 I am anti-feminist. Like I literally protest against it. I can't fucking stand women who expect a man to be their financial foundation.
Make your own way in life! Stop being so fuck dependant on people. Work your own arse off! Make your own money. Maybe that's why my husband does so much for me, because I respect him enough to not expect everything GIVEN to me on a golden platter! Not my problem you've had bad experiences. There are actually women in this world with some self respect! Yes! I expect my husband to look after and love his children. But if I'm not putting in my half of the parenting role too, I'm not happy! What story am I trying to sell hun? Is it hard to believe that I don't need a man in my life? I'm happy I have one; but I don't need one. It's just a bonus.
I said yes, but it would have to Be when I'm like 40-45 haven't settled down yet, and she promise she that id have a say with how the child grows up, and we both love each other. Also if the kid doesn't like me by the time I'm ready to marry her, then I'd probably not ask since any strife with a persons child will Ben a grind on the relationship. Also I would want everything settled with the other guy as well. I don't want to be spending my nights at a civil court for unpaid children support or renegotiating custody every week for every month. I also don't want any grief with the biological father as well.
You seem very mature mentally for a 19 yr. old.
@Sweetiecristina why? Are 19 year olds not supposed to be mature?
I suppose this is more of an age thing, but I'm 26... and I would never date a single mom.
My dad married my mom (who had a kid at age 18 with another man and age 20 with another guy). My dad never got along with my mom's children.
All my female cousins are single moms too, and they had kids starting at 18. All of their men are drug dealers, school dropouts, in jail, etc.
At my age... when I meet single moms that are in my age bracket, their baby daddy's are all losers. I'm not trying to act all high and mighty... but these guys are usually the bottom of the barrel.
I'm 26, college educated, have a career and becoming financially secure. Why would I want to date a woman who made a mistake with a bum?
I mean... if I were in my 30s and still single... maybe. But women make a lot of mistakes with men in their 20s... so I'm not going to raise a bum's kid.
Are you a single mom?
Sure I would. I'm even just fine taking her child in and doing my best to be a father. Why not? If you love someone, you accept and love everything about them, gladly.
I just want to make an addendum here. I see so many saying they wouldn't date a girl with kids and some even saying "gross" or "eww." This is sad. Try to understand those children for a moment. Their dad is already somewhat gone or fully down the road. He ether does not want to be a dad or he is trying his best to be a good dad and the children miss him. Those kids need love and compassion from a man who will ether take them in and be a dad or who will have their dad's back and fill in where he needs the help. This is a selfless thing to do. Its about making these children as stable and comfortable as possible. This is not about pushing them aside so the mother can be the new little squeeze. Kids in an unstable environment like that grow up miserable, unloved, and end up not contributing to society. They need a father figure who truly loves them. Thats difficult with them being from another guy but we can be better than that. Another guy or not, we can be compassionate and loving.
I'm out of the dating scene, but if I were a young single guy, yes I would. If that woman is special to me, and the magic's there, I'd be foolish to throw that away. As far as her kids, I certainly wouldn't ignore them, and if they wanted to try connecting with me, I'd try to be something positive in their lives.
MarkRet-Are you sure about that? I know that I can't or wouldn't do it.
Hell no to the no no no to the no to the no no he'll to the no no no.
It's a trap!!!
On a serious note no I couldn't. Than you would become a step-parent. Step parents are well under appreciated. And no matter how much you try you'll be their father. And the child will always want to know about his "Real" dad. Most single mothers treat the guy differently than they would treat the actual father. A lot of step fathers tend to feel like an outsider in one way or another. There are high risks legally and financially, a lot to loose with very little to gain in comparision. There would always be a sense of your just a stand in/ substitute dad. Anyone else can be in you spot, you could be replaced.
You are so right ! Well stated.
You're so right in ways you never imagined.
I don't know maybe not, hard choice since im young and dont want kids anytime soon, but i guess it turns some guys off because they want to be first and start there own family and knowing that you been with another guy sickens them, also when you date a women with children there ex will always be around and everything is just so much and another thing when a guy marry a women with kids he basically have a family given to him and he wants to experience it all himself like his wife giving birth for the first time, he wants everything from scratch , hope i answered your question and goodluck dont give up
No I would not. Not until I have children of my own.
So, after you had children of your own you would?
Assuming I was divorced, yes.
I think you got it legally right. off course there no issue with that
Haha! Yeah. Well, I guess it's fair as I would never date a guy with kids.
lol😂
Not if:
*she not financially stable
*she is married to her kids (needs to be with them 99.99999% of the time)
*expects me to act like their dad the second I meet them
*says she never wants more kids yet she wants serious long term with me.
*she still has any feelings for the dad
I'd rather not, but if I really did like her, I wouldn't rule her out. I know that women sometimes make lifestyle changes, get divorced, or yes, even at younger ages, are widowed (war, crime, accidents, etc.). I would take into account how many and how old they are.
after my divorce I had to decide what age of children I was willing to deal with. I have raised my kids and I am done with that stage. My youngest is 17 and I decided that any woman I date, if she has kids they have to be within 1 yr of my youngest. I won't do the baby thing ever again, that is why I had my vasectomy 17 years ago (a month before my youngest was born).
No way. I want to start my own family from stratch. I have problems with non Virgins wanting to date me. Having a kid makes the woman 10 times worse. Why date a woman with a kid when 90 percent of girls my age don't have kids?
I just want to finish college, get my job, make my money, and start my family. No ready made family shit.
I wouldn't be any less likely to date her. I wouldn't date her just because of that either, but it would be kinda cool. The kids would probably really like me if they didn't have a fatherly figure!
This is so cute lol.
If she doesn't have unrealistic expectations and she is a nice person. Often, the older women I meet are living on fantasy island and think they are a lot more desirable than they actually are and play head games and are generally crazy when they have divorced.
if you are talking about yourself and you are only 24 or younger then no i wouldn't date, if it was something like we know each other from childhood or school and i had a crush on you and all then maybe yes, i might be able to look past the kid.
so basically, no need to feel down about stuff like that you can do whatever you want and there are many guys who would like you for you and will be able to date you with the kid
Only with the understanding that i'm not going to play daddy, we're not getting married and for the most part it's mostly sex. I'm not going to be the guy to take care of another man's kid. Not at this point in my life.
Not gross, but no.
Well, maybe not "no" so much as "only as a last resort". I greatly want a woman who, like myself, is still virgin and willing to wait until we marry to have sex for the first time. (Mostly because I'm Christian, her being so as well be the only absolute must.) I want to us to be our first and only SOs in each other's lives.
No. A woman with kids would never be able to put getting to know each other as a top priority. That will always be her kids. So I am a ready entering into the relationship being second to someone else. On top of that I have no interest in wasting my time or resources on raising a child who isn't mine. Which would be what will happen if it goes past dating.
I can barely stomach the idea of having children of my own, but to raise someone else's kids? Not a fuckin' chance in hell. Sorry ladies, but no woman is worth all that trouble and drama.
I can't date women with children for a number of reasons. Number one is
Baby daddy drama. It's none
of his business who his ex dates. Number two, I won't be
second best or choice to anything or anyone. And there
was never enough alone time. I
have dated women with kids before. Never again.
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