As a woman would it be considered rude to show a boyfriend the kind of engagement ring you want?

Question

Hello I would appreciate some input; Is it rude or just ridiculous too show your boyfriend the kind of ring you want if he was to ever propose? For example, I have a page on my Pinterest filled with engagement rings which I would love in the future, therefore would it be rude to introduce this to a future boyfriend? Or should I just let him pick the one he likes the most? Most of the rings I love are from Tiffany & CO and are pretty ridiculously expensive therefore I don’t want to impose something upon any man. Of course I would introduce this only after we have discussed marriage and have been together for a prolonged amount of time. I’m a 20-year university student and I have never had a boyfriend as of yet. Thank you for the input!

MrMysteryMan · Accepted Answer

Well depends. If you are expecting a ring as such because of how expensive it is, than yeah it's pretty presumptuous and gold digger of you in this sense. However, if you are just showing him rings based on look and style, to give him an idea of what type of look you like in a ring, than I don't think it's a bad thing at all. It will help him to actually find one you will like so he doesn't end up wasting his money on something you won't or don't want to wear.

But, can I advise you (and every other woman out there dreaming about the perfect ring, engagement or otherwise) that it's just a piece of jewelry. As in, the ring does not make the marriage. Even more pertinent to this subject, it's an ENGAGEMENT ring, not the big deal marriage ring. It's the one that is a temp for the real thing really. Usually people forget long after about the engagement ring when you get the wedding ring (and band). It usually gets put into the dusty part of your jewelry collection until maybe you want to give it to your son (if you have a son or kids) for him to give it, eventually, to his SO. It's really not THAT important to the overall picture. It's just like when I hear that people spend THOUSANDS on their rings and wedding dress and catering and entrances and on booze and the locations and all this junk. It's an important day, yes, but it's ONE day. You want to waste all this money on ONE day and then have to pay interest and a debt for the rest of your life for that ONE day, just so people could say something about it? Perspective here folks... Why don't you ask him to get you something nice, maybe even let him spend the bucks on the wedding rings if you want. But the main spending should come after the hoopla and illusionary garbage of the "perfect wedding", when you want to look for a place for him to take you over the "threshold" of. Or if/when you guys have kids, paying for those little brats. That's where the real spending comes into importance. Also, engagement is nice and all, but let's face it, it's no real guarantee of marriage. So if he spends god knows on a ring that you might not want and at some point will NEVER need again, what a waste of money that could have been used to go to something more important like food, clothing, car payments, mortgage, savings, education, insurances, down-payments, trips, rainy day funds, etc., etc, etc, etc,...

Oh, yeah, it's not a bad idea to give him ideas of a nice ring you would like.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

It's one thing to show your tastes, but you are literally shopping for the most expensive store brand there is. Only very wealthy people are going to be able to buy a Tiffany engagement ring - some of which cost more than a house.

Unless you are wealthy and run with the wealthy crowd, you are setting VERY unrealistic expectations for a guy that he has no hope of meeting. And would you seriously expect a man to buy you a ring that costs $50,000-several million? What a huge waste of money that could be put to so much better use.

Can he expect a Ferrari for his birthday, or for you to stay at 115 pounds for 30 years, no matter what?

in my opinion, Tiffany rings are fantasy land for most people, and reeks of Princess Syndrome to me. But admittedly I am from a lower middle class family who had to work their asses off just to make it. Still, that would be a huge red flag for me.

Asterea · Accepted Answer

I worked in a jewelry store and it's actually very common. Some people are assuming because you have a style you like that means you have picked a specific ring. Most guys who come in have pictures of the type of ring she likes. If someone is going to be spending $1500+ on something you make sure it's what you want.
You can have pictures of the style you like and he can find one that looks similar. Some couples come in and choose the ring together, it's more a matter of talking about what you both want/need/ can afford.
So if you are talking about marriage, showing him the Pinterest is a good way for him to know where to start.
Coming from someone who worked in a jewelry store, a lot of guys need your input as I used to get 'I don't know' all the time from guys. Those ones usually came back with the girls mom/sister/ or friend to help him.

Astoriana · Accepted Answer

So, it's not so much an issue for you at the moment because you're single. However! Going ring shopping together is a thing that engaged (or soon to be engaged) couples do all the time! It's a good idea to go together, because you should love your engagement ring, especially as it comes with such a hefty price tag. A man that feels threatened by your bringing up ring ideas that you like (at a suitable time in the relationship, such as when you start to talk about marriage), is not someone who will be a good life partner. So, essentially, if he gets weird about it, don't marry him.

IzzyB55 · Accepted Answer

Awe poor guy.. that's not even rude it's just kinda mean tbh. I would never show my love what ring I wanted, unless he asked or was poking for information on my style. If anything, if we had seriously talked about marriage & knew a proposal was in the near future I would leave my Pinterest board nonchalantly open where he might notice.. so if anything I'd be subtle. But tbh, if my man found the ugliest ring in the world, one that wasn't my style at all I'd wear it every day bc it's the symbol that's the most rich & precious.

XRabbitHeartX · Accepted Answer

No it's not. Rather that then having a engagement ring you hate. I don't see what is wrong with giving suggestions. Is it wrong to give a partner suggestions when asked about what type of gift they want? No not really. So I don't see why a engagement ring should be any different. I'm sure everyone would want their partner to be happy with their engagement ring.

Blonde401 · Accepted Answer

... it's not great. TBH I would be scared off by this and I'm not even a guy. It sounds really demanding and you're 20! And never had a boyfriend? Girl. No. You discuss these things when you discuss getting engaged. You don't just throw this at your boyfriend one day in the hopes it'll happen.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It sounds like you have a fantasy of what a relationship and engagement would be about but you have never had a boyfriend. You are currently in love with the idea of being in love. That makes you susceptible to falling for the first guy who comes along and gives you some attention, and it also means that you might subtly pressure him to become more like the fantasy idea that you have.

When it comes time for engagement, you two should go shopping together, you should discuss the budget for an engagement ring, and a good jeweler will show you things that are within your budget. That is the time to talk about your preferences in engagement rings.

Don't get the cart before the horse!

PrincessPie · Answer

I personally don't think its rude to give ideas or show your taste :)

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

I don't think so, as long as you both discuss the price range.

tyber1 · Answer

I get the feeling you don't really understand the value of money so let me set up an example to show you how ridiculous it is to hope for one of these things. Let's say that the ring you want is 250,000 dollars.

Now let's say that you have a boyfriend who makes 25,000 dollars per year after taxes. 250,000/25,000 = 10 years of work. But that number is deceptive. It doesn't account for bills, rent, paying off debts or anything, so let us say that your boyfriend is extremely frugal and sets aside 1/3rd of his pay every paycheck, without exception, and manages to live off the remaining 16,667 dollars every year. Now that ring is accounting for 30 years of savings. Take into account everything that can go wrong in life, every medical problem, buying a decent car, buying a house, raising kids if you want any, now the guy will without a doubt have to choose between retiring and buying you a piece of jewelry. If you can't agree that it's ridiculous to expect this, then you don't deserve to have a boyfriend. If you aren't dating a multi-millionaire, forget that Tiffany engagement rings even exist because you will wind up being disappointed if you don't.

falafelany1 · Answer

I think giving subtle hints is okay but literally showing him what you want isn't okay. It puts him in an awkward spot because if he doesn't have that kind of money, he feels inadequate and like anything else he picks out won't be good enough for you. I have ideas of what I want my ring to look like, but the way I will do it is to drop hints. I have very simple taste and most people in my life are aware of that. My clothes, car, house... all very simple and not elaborate. If once and a while you're looking through a magazine or you see an ad on tv with something you like say "I would definitely wear that it's so pretty and classic!" and if it is something you would hate, say, "I wouldn't wear that... it's too flashy/big/untraditional"
But make sure to give the reason why you wouldn't like it so that he knows what to avoid.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I hate expensive items that don't really matter apart from not being shamed by others for not having as much or to make others jealous.

Determine if you'd rather have a $3,000 dollar T-bond that will have a return investment of $10,000 or if you just want a ring to do one or the other of what I stated above.

Adjust the price how you wish according to your class... I went with 3,000 because that's what I did in real life. Recently had convo with her about the ring now 10 years later, she says it get's ohhhs and ahhhs, but I still don't see the point. She still cheated, had many pointless fights with me, and all the rest... that ring is just for her ego.

Is that what your ring is for you?

SaramadHill · Answer

Okay, so my fiancee did this actually. I found it extremely annoying, because she wouldn't quit forcing these ideals on me. What I suggest is, it's fine to give him an idea of what you like, but not point out specific ones. Tell him whether you like gold or silver, circular, solitares, etc...
In the end, I ignored what she wanted and got one I thought was great. She ended up loving it despite hating gold. I think you'll grow to love whatever you end up getting, kind of like getting a child. It probably becomes precious no matter how it looks. But if your boyfriend is more sensitive about the matter than I was, he might narrow his search down for what you want.
Also, the ring I got was $1,999 marked down to $300 because the store was going out of business. It was the best one left at the time, too. So I jumped on that.

joeboyes87 · Answer

If i was getting married i would like to see what type of rings she liked to help me make a decision, or if there is a ring she wanted specifically (as long as it was within my budget) she could just straight up ask for that ring and i wouldn't be offended. A lot of guys like to keep it a complete secret that they plan to propose right up until they get down on one knee, but i dont see the point in that. Obviously i wouldn't tell her on the way to the place i plan to propose "im about to propose to you" but id definitely tell her that i wanted to marry her well before even looking into engagement rings. And id only do that if it was clear to me that she wanted to get married as well.

oddwaffle · Answer

Did you know that the whole ring with diamond thing was invented by De Beers? The ring has been around for a long time but the diamond is an ad.

Don't put too much value into the ring. It's a waste of money. It has a really low resale value. The whole point is to make your partner pay a lot of money. You are better off just burn the cash.

Sure you can ask. Sure a good boyfriend or fiance is going to oblige to your wish. However, that means you are as shallow as the price tag on the ring. You are paying a piece of your future together for an overpriced rock on a piece of overpriced and worthless metal.

If you put $10,000 into the S&P 500 then that 10k can become 30k in 20 years. You can put that towards retirement or house for your kids.

kenworth · Answer

I know when I was going to ask my f2f to marry me. I asked if she wanted to go out to the mall. I made sure to bring a watch of mine that breed a new battery. so when we stopped in at the jewelry store while they were fixing the watch we were looking around. I asked her what she thought of this and that rings. she told me the one she liked. I even had the sales girl talk her into trying it on. all prearranged and we found out her size. When I paid for the watch there was an extra few bills excluded and I went back a few days later and picked up the ring

xenofire · Answer

Pinterest is a tactful enough way to do this. I think it's rather tacky to choose or point toward the exact ring you want, but to give an idea for your sense of style and taste is, simply, helpful. If he loves you and you're dating long enough, he will at some point google you and find it on his own. No need to leave any signs more than that. Tiffany & Co, huh.. interesting.. yeah, unless you're only going for a certain economic class, or your dad has a CEO job lined up for your future hub-to-be, might wanna try and catch the beauty in a gem in a slightly lower range...

Succinctly,
A range can't hurt, can it? You still get the option of a no after all.

Love, A

sagigurrl3 · Answer

I don't think it's rude, as long as you leave him a little bit of freedom. I have told my boyfriend before that I prefer silver over gold and have hinted at certain cuts that I like; however, I am still going to let him pick the final product out.

I think there is nothing wrong if you at least mention to your boyfriend someday that you really like rings from Tiffany & Co. There is nothing rude about stating what you like as long as you don't push it down his throat & make him feel like he has to "fit inside a box" for you to say "yes".

rtlm368 · Answer

not at all why would your man want to go and invest in something. you would not like. mind you that the actual and setting is within his budget. I think its three months salary. that can't be right. myself could not afford 8 g's, even now. I spent $2500.00 and I saved for a year. the setting was combined into the wedding ring. I got a band and she got the bling. As it should be. just take cost into consideration. you don't want your man feeling like a loser when you show him a 10 g ring when he makes less then 2g, s a month and supports himself. I remember when your housing should be equal to one weeks pay. where I live its two plus. and its not LA. so please go easy on him. He loves you and does want you to be happy ! Good luck and wish the two of you the best !

pmslima · Answer

yes it is rude let him choose it dont be the one you really are waiting for but it will be the one he choosed. don't be a control freak (not insulting) also read De Beer's Cartel scam to see why wanting Tiffany and ridiculously expensive rings is caused by you beeing a basic brainwashed DIVA who has a pinterest page about engagement rings... You seem cool though good luck

mermaid175 · Answer

I get showing him what you like and dislike. that's important, as it is something you'll hopefully wear forever.
personally, I would have a close friend/ sister / mom know exactly what you would want so if he has them tag along they can be like yes that's perfect.
but I also think it's nice that the guy would know you well enough to pick out the perfect ring on his own, ya know? like he really gets you and your style and to make you feel special in this way

rozequarts · Answer

I think its appropriate to show him say a picture and say "oh i like the way this looks, I like the square shape/circle/oval with the gold/silver" whatever... something very general. I think if you pull up a ring with the brand known and a price tag its demanding, especially if its more pricey than what he would've had in mind. Remember, its just a rock. It doesn't actually symbolize your love or anything. You'll be happy just to have one in the end.

Old_-_Soul · Answer

Once the subject has come up of getting married someday; there would be nothing wrong about sharing that Pinterest page with him. The only warning/hesitation I would give is to make sure he realizes that you are showing him the style of ring you like. It is still up to him to pick it out. Once you have done this leave the topic alone! Nothing is more annoying than the significant other going on about something that has already been explained and talked about.

IAmRedThunder · Answer

I don't think it's rude to share ideas of what you'd like in your engagement ring, but picking out the ring is special for the man. He gets to choose the thing that you'll wear every day to show his love for you :) that's incredibly meaningful for them. So it might be rude to show him the exact ring you want.

Justacatlady · Answer

I don't think it's rude. You are the one who has to wear it, so it should be something you enjoy as well. I made an entire Pintrest album of all the rings I liked and let my SO look at them.
He picked on that was a combination of a couple that I really liked. It was perfect.

madhatters4 · Answer

i don't think it's rude. i think it's just giving the guy an idea of what you may like. as long as you don't have extremely specific desires especially ones that are expensive or over the top i think it's fine

a guy spending a bunch of money on an engagement ring should want it to be something his partner will love, so it's not necessarily bad to clue him into what you like

As a woman would it be considered rude to show a boyfriend the kind of engagement ring you want?

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