I met a man online - he e-mailed me first. We chatted on the phone several times before meeting and had the best conversations (chatting for over an hour each time) and really connected before even meeting. We had 3 very nice dates and were feeling the chemistry both physically and mentally (we're both in the same field and can relate to each other even if we aren't in the same profession). He seemed rather serious - by the 3rd date, asking if I would consider moving (he lives 70 mins away), if I wanted more kids etc. He did not seem to mind that I'm a single mother since he has dated another single mom before. Well on the 3rd date, we got to 3rd base and I told him I wasn't ready for 4th. By the 4th date, I felt very comfortable with him and we went to 4th base. The next morning Thursday, I told him I had to leave early for a play date for my son and he had to leave early for work (he had wanted me to stay so he could come back during his break). I texted him later saying I had a fun date and I felt bad that he was so tired (he's been working crazy hours). He texted back saying he would be okay and thanked me for driving all the way up to his place. The next morning, Friday, I texted him saying I hoped he would get some good R and R on his vacation (with his siblings and parents). I have not heard from him since and it's now Monday (4 days since he texted me). Should I be concerned? I have not contacted him since my friday text. I have not clicked like this with anyone in 2 years since my separation/divorce so it's a little discouraging after meeting so many men I don't click with.
No word after 4th date / 4th base.
What Guys Said 9
He may be relationship phobic. Gets very close then runs away. Then comes back and then runs away again. Not sure if he's that type but if he hasn't been married before at age 42 perhaps he has a fear of getting too close.
I would text him and give it one more shot.0
Let it go. He will contact you if he is serious. Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe something happened. If he calls ask him what happened and give him the chance to explain. I mean I think if you two really did "click" its worth a little time.0
It sounds like he either lost interest or just got freaked out. Looking at the updates it sounds like its going better but I think overall he isn't feeling you that much...0
wowowo I know what your going thoure ... I like someone and he's reallly cute and smart and the thing is I know he cares about me and loves me but I'm thinking that he doesn't know how to move it to the next level with one night he was saying how he doesn't wanna lose me and that he's scared to lose me then about like 20 min he said the love word .0
I think this man does care about you but if he really is the only one you've clicked with maybe you should still see other people for a while and see if you connect with anyone else just so you don't get hurt0
there is no click here. let him go. if he was really interested, he'd be showing more interest.0
What Girls Said 9
Glad to hear that you two can communicate. Yeah, sometimes I don't call friends when I'm visiting family because I'm in a bad mood, haha. sometimes. And it sounds like he just wanted space to think about things.
Not a good sign, but I'm not an expert in that department
It seems to me he was saying the right words, got what he wanted with if you wanted kids, definitely if you wanted to move.
But he might be busy, like Phantom said if he cared he will have text you
but I could see where you coming from going through it like you did never felt that why like you said since your last relationship0
I agree with the others.. Leave it be, and he'll get at you if he wants to.
And keep your guard up in the future.. Asking if you'd move after only the third date seems like a red flag to me. Not necessarily a sign that he was looking for a one night stand (if that's what it was), but a red flag nonetheless..1
Just wait.. Not too long obviously. I would probably freak out if it was me but I'm silly about this stuff. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Someone said about "putting out" In all truths I really dnt think it matters how long you wait. If they are going to use you, theywill. You just go with what feels right. I say leave it for a full week. If he doesn't text back.Send him one asking him how he is bla bla bla and if you don get a response. No more.0
In my experience, even 1 month is too soon to have sex with someone. They do and say all the right things in the beginning, you sleep with them, and then... that's it... Moving forward I think I will try to wait 2 months.1
No offense but you slept with a man you met off the internet, who you hardly know, and you're surprised that you haven't heard from him?
3/4 dates is actually a very short amount of time. Yeah, you've gone out on dates and probably like him, but you DONT know him. For most guys 3/4 dates isn't serious at all. If you sleep with guys that quickly then you won't be able to weed out guys who are putting on an act, faking the funk, just looking for sex, or what his thoughts on sex are or how he really feels about women. What I mean by that last part is that there are a lot of guys who won't turn down sex, but won't take a woman seriously if she has sex with him too soon (and then it depends on his definition of "too soon"). The moral of the story is, you kind of played yourself on this one.
I saw the update and I'm glad he called you, but still learn from this one. I know you said that you hate game playing, but sex is not a game. If you're horny and you want a nut then cool, have sex with the guy but if you want to be sure about a relationship then don't sleep with him before you get what you want otherwise you end up vulnerable to whatever HE decides to do.1
Your dating experience with this guy went way too fast. Unfortunately as we get older (I am in my 40's) it is hard to find guys we click with, so when we do, we can make the tragic mistake of letting things move too quick. To have him going as far as he did on the 3rd date was a mistake. I can only imagine things were getting a bit hot and heavy on the 2nd date as well though he may not have covered as much territory.
So, live and learn. 1st, don't let a guy into your physical space quickly. 1st date, no kiss, just a hug. 2nd date, kissing is okay. Anything beyond kissing needs to wait a while.
2nd, his 3rd date questions that gave you the impression he was serious, those are panty dropping lines. No regular guy who is seriously interested is going to be ready on a 3rd date to talk about kids and you moving. The only guys who would ask that are players who know that women will mistake that for seriousness and have sex with them.
3rd, you don't drive out to have sex at his place. A guy who is serious will drive to see you and I am not a fan of trying to make things work with such a long drive because, well you end up feeling guilty and before you know it you are driving out to him and delivering your body at his doorstep. Sure, once you are in a serious relationship, you both should be making arrangements to see each other, but before then, no, you do not drive to see him.
4th, why are you initiating these texts? Maybe that was not the normal flow, but Thursday you did and then I can only assume you did not hear from him and decided to touch base Friday morning. And now this. A guy who is in to you, even on a trip, would find time to return your text. In fact, he would have been initiating the text to you. Texting is too easy. Unless he was vacationing in Timbuktu or one of the handful of exotic locales that have no cell reception, your romeo is sending you a clear message. The message is "Thanks for the sex, I'll let you know when I am ready for more later."
Hey, I hope I am wrong, but really, I have been down the path you are on and I know the difference between what a guy who is in to you does and what a guy who is lukewarm does. This guy is just along for the ride. I would expect so much more. Oh, and note for the future, don't have sex until AFTER you are in a relationship. I have found that works so much better and I don't want to be with any guy who would be scared off by me telling him that's my deal.3
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