Why aren't guys attracted to me?

Question

I'm 25, almost done a masters degree and I have a good job. I've never been in a serious relationship. Despite being complimented on my looks all the time I've NEVER been approached for a real date, not in real life or even on dating websites. I've only ever been propositioned for sex. My friends say it's because I'm intimidating but how can I scare off EVERYONE? Men typically ignore me in favor of my friends. My friends are pretty but I know I'm not a dog compared to them Lol. I'm often fetishized. I'm 5'10, half black and half Asian so I feel like men are always trying to collect me but have no intention of wanting to know me. I always have to do the asking out and it never goes anywhere.

I'm just curious now because I was in two hurtful situations this year. I finally asked out my friend that I've liked since elementary school and everything was going great until he went ghost. It wasn't like he figured out he didn't like me all of a sudden. We've been friends for 20 years. Who knows lol. And then my other close guy friend just got into his first serious relationship. He's the only guy who I've felt actually liked me truly. I always thought that if he was going to date someone it'd be me. Naive, I know.

so what's wrong with me? Lol why am I so intimidating? I'm outgoing, I have a lot of friends, I like to have a good time and I'm very open minded and kind to everyone. I volunteer, I'm active in my community, I'm smart, I'm quite laid back, I dress well and speak properly and I don't take myself too seriously. I know you can't fully grasp my personality without me self-reporting but I like who I am. I try really hard to make myself proud. I have good self esteem because of that. You probably think it's because I'm stuck up but I promise I'm not. I don't just go for conventionally attractive people. I have no physical type and no checklist of traits I want. I simply want someone who respects me and likes me.

Lynx122 · Accepted Answer

I can't really say just from your description but usually when girls ask this question I assume it's something about their personality. Girls often think it's their looks that are the problem but most of the time it isn't especially when you can attract guys but they leave later.

I can't really tell you what it is because I don't know you, it doesn't seem like you're too shy or insecure so I don't know. I don't think guys are intimmidated by women who are outgoing and successful. I thinkoften women like to think that because it makes them feel better about not finding anybody.

For me intelligence is very attractive in a girl I like to have good conversations and tell her my thoughts about something and she's actually interested and understands me ^^. Having goals is also not a problem at all. BUT what I've seen is that women like that expect guys to be all over them and they're always shocked when nobody is interested. You have to understand that guys don't look for the same things as girls.

These women think they would date themselves but they can't understand why guys don't. But for guys a girl who's successful is not a bad thing but it's also not a huge plus. Girls love guys who have goals and passion and work hard towards something and have success but guys don't really care about that.

Guys like someone who is kind, sweet, suportive, smiles a lot, if fun to be around, someone they can trust and is on their side. Someone who lets them be the man and encourages them and motivates them if they need it cheers for them and is proud of them when they succeed after a hard fight in life ^^. Nowhere in that description does it say the woman has to make money or be successful etc. Guys don't need that in a partner they just want someone who's there for them who cares about them and they can love that's about it.

I don't know if you're in this category it's kinda hard to tell. It's hard to write any answer to these questions because since you don't know what the reason is you probably left that out in your description lol.
So I just had to kinda write some of my thoughts. Just don't think that because you're driven guys will line up ^^ that's all.

GingerGuy · Accepted Answer

Don't beat yourself up so much or listen to your friend lol. All women complain that all guys want is sex so you're not alone there. More and more guys aren't approaching women anymore. So if you like someone or find them interesting, approach them! Lots of guys would love to be asked out by a woman (several questions on this site regarding that is proof). There will be guys that are attracted to you, they are probably the shy ones not asking you out lol. My point is it's not you or anything you're doing likely. Just be patient and don't be afraid to approach guys you like. Even just going up and starting a conversation with them. It'll help them (if shy) get the confidence to ask you. You sound like a great person and it's hard for all of us to find someone we truly connect with. You're not the only one.

Machiavelli · Accepted Answer

I could suggest approaching them and also widening your social circle. Go around others like you and maybe it will happen.

cavmanier · Answer

I'd probably have to know you better to have a strong opinion. In the society we live in friends and most people will lie to each other so that the other person doesn't feel bad. Because of this lack of honesty, there is a lot more confusion. I'm not saying this applies to you, but I read a question about if a person should be honest if a girl asks if she's fat. Most of the girls basically said there is "NO REASON TO EVER BE HONEST AND TELL A GIRL SHE IS FAT." So because of a culture like this, why trust our friends? in my opinion.

Intimidating every guy for your whole life while guys being interested in your friends is very unlikely. I think guys tend to like and show interest in attractive women. I know if I was looking for a girl, she would only be someone I think is attractive. Feeling nervous is not enough of a deterrent for every man to forgo the enjoyment of a sexual relationship with an attractive partner.

Also I don't see why guys would "collect" you because of your race. You fell for the slander of thinking guys attracted to Asian women are creeps and only want to "fetishize them." A lot of women basically feel threatened by Asian women so they created a social shame label as a deterrent which seems to be reasonable effective.

MarkGerrits · Answer

you sound amazing to me. So no clue why. the only thing that comes to mind is to ask yah how you look. cuz yh no clue why none has seen you yet.

only hint I could give is to take the initiative if you like someone. just cuz that "friend" ghosted yah (and trust me I know how that feels u can read that in my questions aswell. my 2nd ex Wich i know for about 18 years now also ghosted me ;) so) but it doesn't mean u shouldn't try again ;p. just go out there. be yourself and ull walk against the right guy when you do ;).

legend_waitforit · Answer

you sound great. it might be your height, but that wouldn't exclude every guy from liking you. I'm 5'8" and that is about average height for a guy. and we usually like a woman that is a bit shorter than us (for me, I like to lean in and down a bit to 😘).

From your description I think you sound like the perfect girl. I personally love women that have goals and pursue them, and those that have found success. But without actually seeing you, I couldn't honestly judge. The first thing almost all guys are attracted to is looks. I'm not saying you are not pretty. What I am saying is that maybe the tall guys haven't thought so, or that you are very pretty, and like you said, they think you are out of their league.

Sluthater · Answer

That's a good one. My only guess-and it is a guess is that either A) You come across as desperately wanting a relationship. B) You are perceived as promiscuous. C) You come across as having expensive tastes. D) You have a poor sense of self. You might view yourself one way (appearance and personality) and society views you another. What do you do for a living? What are your spending habits? Education level? How long do you wait before giving it up? What kind of man are you trying to attract? Are you overly religious? Do you tell too much about yourself on the first date as opposed to just hanging out and having fun?

Wulfila · Answer

On paper, you sound perfectly fine and like someone whom I would probably be interested in. Unfortunately, people are rarely rational, so if they do find someone of quality they'll instead go after another person. I don't understand it either.

Putting my traits onto a list, one would think that women would like me a lot, but I've never been in a relationship either. I'm usually viewed more as a novelty than real boyfriend / hubby material. Thus, I can relate to you.

by the way, I don't know why some of the respondents here are complaining about your height. 5'10" is not at all too tall for a woman, and I myself like taller ladies.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

You waited too long with that guy friend who got in a relationship with another girl. He is also proof guys are attracted to you, as are all the guys who want to have sex with you (there are actual guys and girls who can't even find people who want to have sex with them, imagine how your complaints sound to them). Like most girls all you have is a selection problem: get better at selecting guys and you can have a boyfriend before you know it, provided your standards are reasonable of course.

lEat70sBush · Answer

Do the approaching yourself instead of waiting for someone to fall in your lap, guys seldom do the asking first anymore. For me if they don't ask I assume they are not interested. Other than that it's true, most guys just want sex if they can do without dating, that's just the new reality. Every girlfriend I've ever had (4 of them since 1993) they all seduced me first, and after we fucked talked about longer term plans if she wasn't a bad lay. This isn't 1980 anymore.

arvisito · Answer

Can't really give you an answer or advice, but I can say I know the feeling. I'm in an exactly the same situation. Even with the girl I've known all my life and thought she always liked me, then just "lost interest". I think I might seen too intimidating, while I'm the exact opposite. Really hope it starts working out for you

Kiels01 · Answer

Think about the men you like when you are out, its the man standing tall, laughing and smiling with his friends.. the one who is usually centre of attention.
Us men like girls similar.. your insecurity is showing in your body language and making you a difficult person to approach.
Fake it til you make it

iamsupriyo · Answer

You need to chill the hell out! Don't rush, be cool! while u are still not in a relationship, try to be creative, do something u have really wanted for a Long tym. Go out! not wid your usual friends, go alone. Go somewhere where its quiet, listen to ur favourite music!.. if u need a guy to complete you that clearly u don't have enough of u to start!

Curmudgeon · Answer

I would have to see pics! I am 6'5", so 5'10" is not too tall for me, and there are more of me out there than you think.

xiangji91 · Answer

From my opinion that's just a matter of time, everything happened in our life it either give us something or take something away from us, by the end of the day we will learn and growth become more stronger and understand our self more... by the way wish you luck to meet your Mr right

blondfrog · Answer

Your standards are either too high, not high enough, or you're probably scary like you friends say. It could also be because you're so attractive guys already think your taken so they don't approach you.

Midget_Hug · Answer

You have no standards. People smell desperation like sharks smell blood. Only attracts predators.

turbomode818 · Answer

you seem like a really great girl I really like the way you describe you're self I would love to meet you I'm sure we would get along great

vekin · Answer

listen to your friends and ask them advice, keep in mind that maybe they will say things you won;t agree with or don;t like but they say it to help you

Ben38 · Answer

guess after a few days in your life i would be able to tell you. judging from your text i don't think there's anything wrong with you.

nbbn5 · Answer

You seem to be very nice just go out there you will find the right person for you

curiouschris1975 · Answer

Shit, you sound like you're smart and know what you want. Let me guess you are busy doing 3 things everyday?

johnmichaei · Answer

wow really sounds yummy sweet

Why aren't guys attracted to me?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why aren't guys attracted to me?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.