Just started online dating (& dating in general) need advice.

After years of sitting on the sidelines for 26 years without a date, I finally got in shape and am physically and mentally ready to start dating, my confidence level has never been better. I joined e harmony and have a few contacts with girls. One girl contacted me and for 2 weeks we were constantly texting each other like 50 times a day. We had a great 1st date last Friday, a lot of flirting and basic get to know you talk, I thought we had good chemistry with no awkward moments. Ended the date with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and tentative plans for another date in a few weeks. I texted her after the date to thank her and told her she I thought she rocked. She replied the same. I laid off texts for a day then started again on Sunday. I don't know if I am being played here. Now she is responding to (most) of my texts. And her responses have been nice and flirty. BUT, she doesn't send me anymore messages other than her responses. Now we only talk like 2-3 times a day. I'm thinking she just loves attention but she is getting cold feet or has found somebody more interesting. Not sure if I should pursue this anymore. Do you girls like when a guy is persistent? Or is she just being nice playing me on a string? Today I was going to send her 1 more text, and if she doesn't send me anymore other than her response, I think I shouldn't anymore. Just started dating and I already have a headache.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Good for you for having the confidence to try online dating. I think it is a great way to meet people.

    A good way to get your confidence up for online dating is to date more than one person at once. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, as they say, and you will be less scared of rejection, because you have some other cutie to fall back on.

    Women are very concerned with how they come off, especially at the beginning of a relationship. They don't want to seem too eager. They want to make it seem like they have choices (even if they don't) so that the man will persue them. Most women expect men to persue them at the beginning. You must do the asking for dates. Since you said you went on a great first date with this girl, CALL HER and ask for a second. If she agrees, she likes you enough to want to spend more time with you, so there is your answer.

    At the same time, you must also appear interested, but like you have other options too. If he come on too strong in the beginning and appear desperate, the girl may back off because he doesn't seem like such a great catch anymore. I am sure you have a great job, friends, and interesting hobbies. Despite your lack of dating experience, remember that and keep your confidence.

    My advice is to lay off the text messaging completely until you have been on three dates with someone. 50 times a day texting is way too much. Remember, you are a great catch with and awesome life and lots of options. You don't have time to spend all day texting with one girl. It may sound like a game, but if you learn to play it right you can turn a lot more first dates into second and beyond dates.

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What Girls Said 4

  • First, try to relax a little. Dating is supposed to be fun! This is a time to meet a lot of new people, dabble in fun and enjoy yourself. I think you are over thinking things and need to go with the flow. I don't perceive that this girl is playing games or stringing you along. I think she is playing it safe and doesn't want to come on too strong. She might be afraid of scaring you off or appearing too available. In addition, I would agree that there might be other guys she is talking to since she is dating too. This is something that people do to weed out the guys with potential as opposed to those who may not be a good fit. I think you need to keep your options open too and when someone really stands out from the rest, you will know it.

    Good luck.

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    • That's what I thought also that I need to chill. But being a rookie at all of this I was pretty excited on finding somebody so cool so fast. I mean in the past girls wouldn't even talk or look at me, finding one that Trying to play the "game" w/o any prior experience is a learning experience that I need to soak in.

  • I don't think it's anything as serious as you think. You have a great feeling about your date - for a reason.

    From the way she responded, I think she likes you but yes, enjoys the attention and doesn't want you to think she is "easy to get". If she didn't like you, she flat-out wouldn't respond anymore.

    In my opinion, you should try not texting her for a couple of days very suddenly. If she doesn't write to you all worried, she'll probably want to and will definitely wonder what's going on. If she wants the thrill, that will do. After that, you can tell her you went away for a couple of days (or something similar) and act polite to her - but not overtly romantic. Girls like guessing. Not me personally, but I'm thinking she's one of them.

    Otherwise, I don't like playing such games, but this is a good way to also see if she's willing to do something for this relationship and how she feels about you. After that, it should be quite clear.

    I hope it goes well!

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  • Girls are tricky, and I'm sure you know that. Some girls will say that they like a persistent guy...when she likes him. Some will say that--even if she likes him--she wants her space. Still some will say that they like the guy and hate the persistence because, really, they don't like him and they're waiting for things to cool off and for him to get distracted by another girl, or something to that effect.

    I'd say give her a call. Don't call her after texting her 256 times in a day, but if you really want to talk, give her a call and ask her on another date. It could be that she just isn't into texting like you are.

    Good luck.

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  • no no no she's maybe just playing a liitle cool some woman do this this is just a first date remember just tex her and ask her out on another date if you get yes you will know she likes you if no you kno she doesn't this date thing is looking for your life partner its a big thing in a girls life and a mans it soesnt mean she doesn't like you she might have other options you have to be realistic so just keep it cool don't get stalkerish aske her on another date I wish you well :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • Sorry Guy here. I thought maybe with this dating website there's you and another 1000 like you competing for the same girl so perhaps she's getting hit on by other guys and can't text as much. You have to be quick closing these deals cause even if you hit it off she's got girlfriends in her ear giving all kinds of advice to play the field and not to cut off her options.

    see her again but for your own mental state keep looking and don't put all your eggs in one basket.

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  • Well, someone who starts at 26 can't be too normal. I'm 23 and I haven't really dated much so I'm not trying to offend you. Maybe you're giving off the wrong vibe and she senses it but doesn't want to hurt you. You don't hear of many players on e harmony... Receiving texts cost 5 cents and sending costs 10!

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  • I would say that online dating isn't the best way to start dating, just in my opinion.

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