Okay so basically I'm about to enter my 2nd year of college. I've dated all this year about 8 different guys. They all seemed totally into me until I dropped the V card thing. Maybe it's because I wouldn't REALLY kiss them until it was out in the open. Why should I give myself to a guy in anyway if he doesn't deserve it = if there is no real future between the two of us because he can't stand the idea I'm a virgin. I'm known around campus as a pretty girl you'll end up taking home to mama... but somehow I can't seem to get that far. Am I too intense for the guys I've been dating (ages 20-23)? I don't WANT to be a virgin much longer, but I do want a committed relationship first. Can ANYONE tell me why I can't hook line and sink a boyfriend but I can get all these dates when I'm KNOWN as not being a slut?...
Most Helpful Guy
First of all: every one sleeps with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Does that mean EVERYONE is a slut? No. So get rid of that mentality as soon as you can. You're a virgin because you've decided it means something that most people don't. It's like trying to date guys of a different religion.
Second. Try dating other virgins. You'll discover it sucks.
Third: I totally get the idea that you want to share that intimate part of yourself with someone who deserves it, but is the only guy that deserves it REALLY that guy who thinks he's going to marry you? Or, like everyone I've slept with, is the right person that special someone who you can trust enough to be intimate with? The reality is that most guys need a long time of seeing the REAL you before they'll be comfortable talking marriage and long term plans. So it makes sense that your stance on sex scares most of them away.
Fourth: It's YOUR hang up about being a virgin that's scaring the guys away, not their hangup. You even said yourself that you're not even comfortable kissing them properly until they know... almost like you think that the very act of kissing will lead you to the bedroom (no self control?) and that you need some type of barrier up to prevent further escalation...
Fifth: I don't even know my point anymore. Just take it easy, being a virgin isn't that weird, and perhaps spend a little more time choosing better guys before you start dating them. Perhaps you're missing all the Red Flags which is leading you down the same path over and over again.
You met him drunk at a party? Red Flag
He's always trying to touch you and kiss you instead of talking? Red Flag
He's got more ex-girlfriends then there are years in his age? Red Flag
You don't anything about him but you're already on your third date? Red Flag
All of your date are at his apartment? Red Flag
All of your dates want to get drunk? Red Flag
You get the idea. Being a virgin is cool, as long as you are. Make sure he's cool too before you open the door to date number 2.
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