Why do girls always choose / end up with the jerks?

You know nice guys finish last type of thing. They always say they want a good guy etc.etc... but they always end up with the asshole.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • There are so many scenarios...

    I'll tell you from my experience that it doesn't seem that way from the beginning [ the guy being a jerk-off I mean ].

    There will always be guys who are assholes and everyone can see it.

    however, there will be guys who will be "nice" to a girl they're interested in, but have a hidden agenda, i.e. being jerks.

    The girl obviously won't see his true nature because the guy is putting up a front

    and maybe even the girl's friends all see that he is a jerk

    but all she sees is this sweet, heartwarming guy in front of her.

    Honestly, it's not her fault...

    the guy she's with could be telling you and all his buddies all the bad things he wants to do to her,

    but at the end of the day, turn around and tell her sweet lies.

    Of course, he can't stay "nice" forever,

    so his true intentions start to show.

    at that time it is up to the girl whether to stay with him or not.

    most girls would leave because why stay with a guy like that ?

    the few who do stay either has insecurity issues or hasn't realized what a jerk he really is.

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What Girls Said 41

  • Because a lot of (though not all) "nice" guys are not attractive. They're wimps, passive aggressive, still just want to get in a girl's pants but instead of just being straightforward about it, they pretend to like her "personality" or some crap.

    Sure, it's dumb for girls to date jerks, but who would we rather date? A guy who basically owns up to what he really is, or a guy who just acts docile?

    What women REALLY want is a GOOD guy, not just a NICE guy. Anyone can talk the talk, but most (and again, not all) so-called "nice" guys are just jerks in disguise.

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  • These jerks always start off as sweet and charming and we fall for it because we feel lucky to have found a handsome, sweet and charming man.. But once they have us they become jerks and usually women have a hard time letting go of these jerks because we fear that we cannot get a better guy.. Sometimes we feel so what if he jerks me around as long as my friends are impressed with him.. Sumtin like that.. I've always gone for good, sweet, and sensitive guys but my sister and some of my friends have been stuck with jerks and sadly it never ends well..

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  • I'm not with an asshole. :)

    Seriously though, EVERYONE has the ability to be an 'asshole' in a relationship they don't care much about. It all comes down to attraction, and sometimes people can't help whether they're attracted to a 'good' person or a 'bad person.

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  • I feel like I also know a lot of guys who end up with girls I can't stand either, so it's a two way street. I think it says more about where we are at in our lives the the a**/b*tch we date. What parts of ourselves are we not willing to change in a healthy way that will attract a healthy significant other? We are creatures of habit who would rather put ourselves through the hell of what we know than the unknown ;)

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  • yeah it really sucks. but I'll make sure the next one isn't a jerk. Some guys are just jerks because they are selfish and don't reflect on how they behave or say things right, so I've learnt to filter it out and try to get a nice guy next time.

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  • 'Cos girls like a hard-to-get man? Or maybe they want someone with a lot of confidence. Usually the nice guys, are easily manipulated. And that bores us girls. If we have a guy with a lot of confidence, (making them be a jerk) , they think they won't be easily bored. A nice guy, is easy to predict what he'll do or want. Being a guy with confidence, he'd probably change his opinion and things. I think that'd be fun in a relationship, try new things. Learn new things. :)

    Either that, or we were fooled by the jerk's nice act. 'Cos when a girl fall in love, we're blinded and they think its fate when they meet the nice guy that's actually a jerk. It's not till later that they'll see his true nature. -.-

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  • I'm a nice gal always been interested in nice guys. However sometimes girls end up with jerks who are wolves in sheeps clothing and they don't know it until it's too late. Personally I dump them at that point, but I hear ya. Several girls stay thinking it'll get better or they like a dangerous guy or whatever. Either way in the end. My opinoin girls like bad boys, a self respecting women likes a self respecting man whos graduated from boyhood to man hood. ANy girl that knowingly is searching for a bad boy hasn't matured mentally to realize a quality relationship is more than that BS.

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  • Certainly, girls don't ALWAYS end up with jerks. I discovered that I was hanging with a jerk after two weeks (never got to the relationship level) and ended things promptly. There are plenty of women who refuse to date assholes, you just have to pay closer attention. Personally, I don't get why some women will date jerks, tolerate them, and then complain. It's ridiculous. I'm convinced that they are after some sort of status (or they are just self-sabotaging). The "bad ass" may be appealing because they appear to be able to have any woman they choose. The woman selecting him may feel a sense of honor when he chooses her, tolerate him when he mistreats her, but continue to stick around. I'm guessing that you're a good man. In some cases that means that it may take a bit longer for women to take notice. Be patient. You'll find a woman who appreciates you!

    Good luck!

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    • "You'll find a woman who appreciates you!"

      That's what they all say. This is when I can ask: Why don't YOU appreciate me for this? :P

  • Because the assholes are deceiving. You know when you like someone, you can't find anything wrong with them? Well, you think you've found a great guy, but when you start dating him, he turns out to be a complete d***. That's why girls need to learn to see through the whole "I'm a nice guy" act that the assholes play.

    I think if nice guys had more confidence, they could definitely start getting more girls to like them. I figure that nice guys are really shy, because I sure as hell haven't met any nice guys.

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    • But have you thought that most girls are very untrusting on "the nice guy" because so many assholes play that role, making it even harder for a nice guy to be noticed.

  • usually have a more interesting personality

    a challenge

    honestly I have no idea I'm in love with a totaly bad boy wen this other sweet boy likes me (I know he's the type of guy that would bring me flowers and choco etc. but I don't know why but I like the other guy) the other guy is funny and cute and I just get butterflies in my tummy wen he's around but with the nice guy he's just not I don't know he doesn't have the other half to my heart

    We don't always pick who we love (haha yes we do but we can't help who we fall in love with)

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  • :) You are not supposed to avoid using limiting worse like ALWAYS, you ,they ,never etc or its bad or communication & incites anger and can offend & cause defensive not genuine reaction. :

    Im offended (joke ^^)

    mmm you might try asking 'girls are you drawn to jerks, find yourself choosing then over the 'nice guy' & if so - why do you think this is' ? I gotta say tho you might want to define what an asshole is and what a nice guy is. They are not always very different in actions or intentions, except for their self image.

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  • Girls want to be girls and wear the skirt in relationships. It's not really a matter of "nice guys" it's a matter of masculinity. A girl wants a guy who can stand up for her, support her, and be sociable and excepted by society. Nice guys can be there for a girl, but they just expect girls to like them because they are nice and for no other reason and girls want more than just a nice guy. Assholes have just mastered the art of appearing to be great guys and by the time they realize that the guys a douche their feelings won't let them escape, it's a very complicated cycle. Girls really don't want someone to nice or too mean just in the middle, preferably.

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    • "Girls want to be girls and wear the skirt in relationships"... Why? Do you learn this from your parents that "this is how a girl should act, this is what a girl should do"? Why do girls want to feel "they are women"?

    • Um, because most people want to feel like their the gender they are? Most people expect to be stereotyped in this world, and are, e.g. "why do girls ALWAYS end up with jerks?" how do you know girls "always" end up with mean guys? Now that's just a large and untrue assumption.

  • Well I believe the reason is because girls don't have enough respect for themsleves so they end up with a loser. And they become one. Well see that will NEVER have to me because I want only the best. And I think better of myself then that.

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  • Mostly it's just because the jerks get there first...confidance etc.

    Also most girls love the whole jerk on the outside thing with the potential of "something more"

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    • BUT WE WANT TO KNOW WHY THE LIKE THE JERK

    • Lots of girls like to believe they aren't ALL jerk, otherwise it may just be based on the physical oooor she may think she can't get any better.

      Personally I prefer the more shy guys but each to their own :)

  • Because jerks always know how to lie and behave in a way that doesn't make them look like jerks..its a skill really..

    Also in a way I think girls like the bad boys. They seem more interesting and fun but in the end the girl most likely ends up getting hurt.

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  • honestly in my opinion.

    Jerks are manly I like manly guys who I feel safe around

    Be nice when it comes to respect but be a man as well.

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  • Sometimes we don't always know till its too late. I think all women have that instinct to try and "fix" the assholes. But the sooner we figure out that it's useless to "fix" people, the sooner we stop missing out on all the good guys.

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  • Well... I've never been with anyone, but I hope I get a nice guy. Bad boys may be hot, but that's not something I want.

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  • because nice guys don't approach, they befriend. and jerks approach, disguised as the nice guy. the guy acts, the girl falls in love, by the time the guy shows his true colors, the girl is already invested/attached to the guy and its very hard to let go. that's basically it.

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    • The nice guys befriend so the girl would approach. If the girl likes them, why don't they approach back? I don't get it, it just doesn't make sense!

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    • @mesonfielde ...When I get a friend vibe from a guy...that is where he stays...a friend...

      @rocksongwriter...Yes we do...if we don,t know the guy...and he seems really nice and smooth (the good players act shy)..so we think your that sweet guy that actually took a chance and approached us even if you're usually shy...so you must be really into us...nywho...the good 'bad' guys know how to play the game!!!

    • Obviously not. befriending does not mean interest.

      and we don't know they are jerks. that is why it's "disguised"

  • cuz they make everything seem so right... like first few weeks they are so nice! or they appear when your at your desperate moments.

    Thats why I like my guys a little mean, guys who are wayyy too nice raise suspicion for me and makes me wanna find out what's going on.

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  • i am one of then nice girls that end up with the ass hole it is just we just don't know how to pick the right guy ...

    i personally like a challange but I end up getting hurt at the end so that's where I mess up

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  • because a lot of hot guys tend to be jerks, they are cocky from having so much feemale attention and the girl sees the guy from the point of view that everyone wants him, and therefore sees him as somebody to be desired. there's also the aspect of him being a ''bad boy'' .. its apparently exciting and all that! :)

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  • because sometimes you being too nice makes the girl think you just like her as friends

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  • A guy who says he's nice and thinks girls should feel guilty for not being with him, or whatever is just as big a jerk as any other guy. Usually, socially retarded guys think anyone with the balls to approach a girl is a jerk. So I really take these kind of questions and comments with a grain of salt! Guys act nice and then their true colors show. Its not that girls go for jerks unless they have a self esteem problem

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  • Have you ever considered looking for a single girl and leaving the girls who date 'jerks' alone? I mean yes, some girls don't know and end up dating a bad guy BUT there are probably many single other girls.

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  • For me at least, I like nice guys but with an edge. If guys are too nice than it just bugs me. Also most nice guys are more self conscious and aren't as up front as players and guys who are d*icks..

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  • for some reason I only ever date assholes because somehow they are always the hot athletic guys who have no life but getting booty, working out, and looking at themselves in the mirror! ahhh I willing subject myself to theses guys cause they know just what to say for about a month...then you meet his other girlfriend.

    haha

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  • there is more girls than guys and there are 1 out of 10 really great guys. so you tell me?

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  • Because we like bad boys!?!?!

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  • ur picking the wrong category of women and I agree with Pati3nc3

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 18

  • any guy that isn't you or one of your best friends but has a girl you want is automatically a jerk/ass to a single guy. And any guy in a relationship that doesn't end in eternal bliss and fairytale marriage is automatically labeled a jerk by the girl post-break up when she blabs to all her confidants. Keep this in mind as so many wonderful guys who truly are great catches are labelled as scoundrels because 1) they dared to be in a relationship that didn't work out perfectly (but we hate you too post relationship, so its all fair there) or 2) they are dating someone you like and *clearly* you are better than them in every way and the only reason the lady is into him is because he's a jerk. Sure sometime the girl really does fall for a true through and through asshole, but its much less rare than we make it out to be.

    now let me also put into perspective this simple fact: "confidence is everything". If you project confidence you earn points no matter what. You can do it by being socially confident (debonaire, rich, top of the social ladder, great with words), body confident (in great shape, always with a shirt off, very comfortable with physically contacting others), or just being cocksure of yourself in general. This confidence projects that you are a good choice. Its a sign of social dominance and, lets face it, on a subconcious level humans are prone to the same rules animals use for mating. They aren't make or break, but the fact is that if you can be the alpha male you earn points that don't even register on a totally conscious level.

    More importantly, good guys are sought out by girls. but good guys with no spine, no sponteneity and predictable actions bore a girl to death. If you can't surprise her and constantly keep her mentally stimulated, then you're never going to have her. Confidence makes you much more dynamic of a character and the assholes get labeled as such because they seem to be everything you aren't, when really they could be just like you, but know how to project themselves as something better or highlight their strengths in public. In private they may be as sweet or sweeter than you. They may be a font of loving for this girl. But you only see the public, and in public you have to play the games that society says, and society says that everyone is judged by their merits and if you can't confidently project yours (without coming off as pompous or arrogant) then you can't impress the women who are reading how everyone scores on this big social game.

    confidence is everything. And don't judge guys as jerks when you see only the tiniest sliver of the full picture. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

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  • It's an instinct thing. See, the type of man we today call a jerk is also what we used to refer to as an Alpha Male. Back in the caveman days, those same qualities that define a jerk used to be qualities that made a man more likely to be able to survive and provide for those he cared about. And although society has long since advanced past that, we are still ruled by instincts that were honed through thousands of years of trying to survive in the world the way it was back then. Hence why men find female qualities associated with fertility (large breasts, wide child-birthing hips) physically attractive, and why women are attracted to jerks, AKA the Alpha Male.

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  • Often it seems that way but it's rarely the case that a girl will actually choose to spread her legs for a guy she knows to be a selfish jerk. First of all, guys can size up other men much faster that women can, faster even than women can size up other women. So you can see that these guys are creeps but the women can't. Secondly, douche bag guys hit on girls hard, pulling out all the stops and telling any lies they can think of. Because many of them actually hate women, rejection doesn't faze them and they continue the chase and sometimes wear her down.

    I've noticed that once a woman has a boyfriend who is truly a nice guy, that's pretty much the only kind of guy she will ever go for after that. So as women get older it becomes fewer and fewer of them who go for the assholes. There are some women though, who just have to have the good looking scum bag and they enter into relationships with those users knowing full well the emotional bruising they will eventually suffer.

    For you though, you should study the ways of the misogynist, narcissan creeps because you can learn from them how to seduce women. That's what the whole "Seduction Master" scene is all about. Sometimes you have to look like a con man to sell something that people really need.

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    • Good points about why women go for creeps, but I disagree on studying misogynists. The QA should learn how to be a genuinely good, confident, socially-savvy "nice guy" instead of a narcissistic, manipulative creep who ONLY cares about getting girls in bed.

    • I'm not suggesting that an overly nice guy who's too compliant and obedient should go all the way over to the other side. Nice guys who are puppy dogs don't get the girls. Learning some of what the douche bags do can take him into the middle with the best of both sides.

    • That makes sense. I guess I would have just phrased it differently. To tell a nice guy to "study the jerks and douche bags" could potentially mislead him and cause him to force-change his fundamental character, not believing he's "good enough" as he is. I do see your point though; a truly "nice" guy is unlikely to go that far.

  • This question comes up all the time, and here's the solution to your problem, if you want to get laid become a jerk simple as that. Is it that hard to understand?

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    • Sadly enough I have to agree!

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    • Women just have to be hot and cute, that's all, nothing else in order for us guys to accept them, like, but us guys have to be more than that

    • You guy really disappoint me. Nothing but a bunch of punks

  • The real "bad boy" that girls are immediately drawn to are Spontaneous, unpredictable, rebellious, mysterious, and are ironically more sensitive then the shy nice guys. And so women try to get to that center because its a real chore to get to. Look at James Dean, he was the absolute most sensitive person like ever of that time ha. But people still saw him as a "rebel" or "bad boy" Those are the bad boys women drool over. Not like assholes, jerks, or pricks. So having those traits make women gravitate to you. But its either you got it or you don't. Look at the movie "the thing called love" with River Phoenix. The main girl went on a date with River's character they kissed and hooked up and then ignored her and kind of was distant, so she started spending time with the "nice sweet guy" but then out of nowhere River's character had her come up on stage and sing with him. And that unpredictability made her fall for River's character all over again. And dump the nice guy. And throughout the movie River's character's behavior was constantly unpredictable and that gives women a thrill. I mean it got so unpredictable River's character proposed to her in a gas station with a ring from one of those quarter machines. See he was constantly spontaneous and unpredictable and she loved the thrill of not know what's going to happen tomorrow. That's what women want. But like I said there is no training in this or becoming like this. Its either you got it or you don't.

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  • Boy, do I have an answer for you. I wondered this every single day until quite recently, when I finally got the answer: they don't. They're attracted to DOMINANT guys, (man's man, leader type.) Only problem is, jerks and assholes are so cocky and confident with themselves, they naturally have this dominant, macho-man mindset. So, girls tolerate the jerk-side but are attracted to the dominat-side. They'd much rather have a kind-hearted dominant guy than an asshole dominant guy, but when it comes to the choice between the timid kind-hearted guy or the jerk dominant guy, the jerk wins out. So, two options:

    1.) Be an asshole. (This is very easy if yo have nor morals and little to no intelligence)

    2.) Be a kind-hearted, polite, dominant gentleman. (Very difficult to accomplish)

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  • I think your main mistake here is using 'nice guy' and 'good guy' interchangeably when these two types of people are completely different.

    Nice guys don't get the girl because from the get-go they submit themselves to girls which shows a lack of confidence and/or a life outside of her. That's not to say that to get a girlfriend you need to be Captain Domination, you just need to show that there's more to your life than the girl, which is where good guys come in.

    Good guys are guys who are genuinely nice people but set their priorities. Girls are attracted to these types of guys because they get things done in their personal and work lives, have the confidence to protect their loved ones and are still nice people throughout this. The reason jerks are attractive is because they exhibit many of these traits without the friendliness (which can be easily faked) which is closer to an attractive individual than the nice guy who typically exhibits only the friendliness element and nothing else.

    So basically continue being a nice guy, just stop chasing after girls and grow some balls. Or just be a jerk, whatever does it for you.

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  • because your a frecken p**** grow some balls

    girls don't like guys with nice complection then them

    or when they have sex he cried"something you would do"

    because they like to be defended and have something strong

    who they can rely on emotionally and physcally.

    grow some balls buddy

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    • You have no idea what your talking about. I'm one of this nice guys and I find that I have sort of the same problem. The thing is that I'm 6'3'' weigh 265lb and I do mma, so f@&k off punk!

  • this is a debate, question that will never end, the simple answer is that a lot of girls view nice/extremely friendly guys as being weak, being able to take advantage of them or walk over them

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  • nice guys don't finish last, guys without confidence finish last and a lot of times the nice guy has a lack of confidence

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  • Because many of them haven't found ME yet! Mwah ha ha!

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  • Good relationships require mutual attraction and benefits. The jerk/bitch is the person who thinks they can do better than who they are currently with, so they don't need to treat that person with respect... the doormat let's himself/herself get treated that way because they are desperate to be with that person.

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  • They really don't... I understand how you feel doe... girls who are naive and inexperienced choose those typa guys... to me, I will SPECULATE, since I am a man... I think it's a rite of passage somewhat, for the girls to 'have fun', not really settling down, dating around, getting hurt in relationships, etc... basically they can be as retarded as us guys are in this dating thing.

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  • there idiots lol jk. No its just the confidence factor. You know you can be a nice guy with out being shy. "A man without confidence always finds a way to lose."- From my boy Wayne Gretzky

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  • quit being a bitch and they will give you a chance. plus do you really want a girl like that.

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  • lol. those kine of questions always pop up. I do wonder whether there's a final answer to that...

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  • because most girls are not emotionally mature when they are young and the only way for them to learn is through mistakes. Men mature emotionally faster than women and make fewer mistakes in dating, at least from what I have seen.

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    • Uhhhh... Most sociologists say the opposite.

    • Are you referring to cognitive/mental maturity or emotional maturity? There is a difference.

  • You can't have two bitches in a realtionship.

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