Is online dating really this impossible?

So I messaged 62 girls. Basically went off spamming a ton that have been on recently and none of them responded. Is it really that hard? I expected at least a couple out of such a huge number of girls. Or am I really that gross or unappealing?

Updates:
Here's my profile. link I asked for advice from girls on what pictures to use. Those are the ones they picked out of what I have.
I just deleted my profile. I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet.
Yeah so this question is over. You can answer if you want but the advice is getting repetitive.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hm ... that's odd.

    I know it's disheartening, but don't quit. It depends what you wrote to these girls ... online at least, humour and the way you write make more of an impression than a couple of your pictures. It was probably too general and /or they had a lot of boys message them similarly.

    My advice is - take a bit of a break and get back your confidence by doing what you're really good at or what you enjoy doing. Watch comedies and remember a few lines, feel positive and funny and it will certainly show when you message someone.

    After that, just remember to first find out as much as you can about a particular girl you want to "woo". :) Then use it to write her a short, but somewhat personal and good-natured message. That seems to work. If you need some advice, search for funny messages online and things like that. But don't change yourself or pretend to be someone you aren't. You're looking for a girl that will accept you the way you are, and you WILL. I promise.

    Don't let this get to you! And, importantly, don't take a non-response too seriously. It happens to all of us. It's also easy to find someone right for you online, you just have to be specific and pick a good site (not necessarily a dating site at all ... social ones tend to be better).

    But don't do it until you feel good enough about yourself. Good luck, mate! =)

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    • I agree! Online dating helped me and several of my friends a lot! My good friend used https://www.marriageagency-nataly.net Russian bride agency some time ago. He met a nice girl there, and they are getting married soon. But there are a lot of fraud websites on the web, use only reliable websites that have scam protection on it. Good luck with finding your love :)


What Girls Said 17

  • But that's your problem... we get so much spam we just ignore it. For the purposes of this answer, I'm one of the girls you messaged ;) so. By spam I mean anything that could be said to a million other girls (and yes, we do know when it could have been said to a million other girls):

    - you're pretty hot/cute

    - you look interesting/cool

    - I love your pics (I got a lot of these even though I only had one up)

    - check out my profile (well if we're interested we're going to do that anyway, you don't need to tell us)

    - here's my number/MSN/etc (smacks of a guy who's sent out a load of messages and is then just going to sit back and wait for someone to add/call him. Not much effort involved in that)

    That sort of thing. Thing is, if I know you're messaging tons of girls, then I know that if I get back to you, you don't really care if it's me or any of the other girls, you just want some female attention. So I don't feel special at all, and I want to be made to feel special. Conversely, if you message me and basically say outright 'you're special/something else/etc' then 1) again, you could have said it to any number of girls, and 2) you're saying this based on a profile. You don't know me yet. Kinda makes you look like a wet puppy.

    I signed up on an online dating site last year and quickly got flooded with some 200 messages. I got a lot of 'spam' (as above), a lot of outright sexual propositions (okay if you're on an adult dating website, but not when my profile says I want something long-term!) and a lot of wet puppy messages. There were some guys that stood out a little when they sent me sort of spam-sandwich messages like this:

    'Hey, was just looking through your profile, I think you're really cute! (this is the spam part) So what do you like about Top Gear? I think Jeremy Clarkson's really funny (this is the part he's tailored to my interests that shows he has actually read my profile) Anyway check out my profile and message me back if you're interested :) (this is the other spam part)'

    In that case, I don't think they meant that to be copy and pasted to millions of girls, but it still doesn't stand out. I know you were looking through my profile and liked the look of me by the fact that you messaged me, and I know you want me to look at your profile and message you back. Almost there, but not quite!

    I did get one message from a guy who incorporated a few things into it, and didn't seem to have mass mailed it. I'd said I liked alliteration so a lot of the message was alliterated (turns out it was a common quirk between the two of us) and he'd asked me why I liked the theatre but not just like that (like the spam-sandwich above, if he'd just said 'so why do you like theatre?' it would have looked boring) - instead he challenged me about it and made an alternative suggestion, thus also implying that the date was going to happen, and I kinda liked that. This is all in 3 short sentences of course =P I did message him back, we did go on a date,

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    • And we're still going. As far as looks are concerned, I did think he was kinda cute, but there were a few other guys on there who I thought were kinda cute as well. They just had boring messages so I knew I wouldn't really want to see them anyway.

      Essentially, you gotta do 3 things:

      1) Keep it short and to the point

      2) Start an actual conversation as opposed to online-dating-related small talk

      3) Make it stand out in a way that also shows you've read her profile (thus she is special!)

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    • You should start a blog, lol, I have started using PoF again in the last couple of weeks and I have to say, your answer should be required reading for EVERY guy on that site, lol, +1

    • Me start a blog or QA start a blog? I do actually have one lol I just don't post in it much because I don't get internet access very often and when I do I don't know what subject to pick to write about!

  • Well half the chicks on those sites are fake, either manufactured to make numbers, guys looking for thrill (sadly this happens a lot), or girls who are real but once they post their profile they get 62 messages the first night and randomly choose who to respond to.

    The fact that you say you spammed a bunch of girls could be the problem too, generic messages usually get deleted, and if she thinks your message was generic and boring, she isn't gonna look at your profile.

    The best way to meet a girl and get her attention on the internet dating sites is in one that has local chat rooms, except usually those are pay sites.

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    • Yeah I'm not gonna pay for online dating. I don't wanna run the risk of wasiting 40+ dollars when I could do something better with the money.

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    • And hey there turbo, if you haven't "done anything with a girl, including cuddling" DON'T date online. What have you got to offer a girl if you don't even know how to talk intimately with a girl IRL?

    • Online is extremely easier to talk to a girl and if I already know her I can talk to her in person.

  • I know you said you were over, but in case another guy comes looking here with a similar question (which happens), the reason you aren't getting responses is because you are basically "creeping" over online dating, which is what drove women away from the bars in the first place. No one wants to meet a guy who is trying to date 62 women at once! I'm not saying you are, but that's a bit extreme. We are well aware you are talking to other women - shoot, we're talking to other guys, that's just the dating gig - but someone with tact will make it seem like you are the only person they are interested in at the moment. It's a female thing. We are egotists. Aware, and not stupid, but we want to feel special.

    Actually READ a girls profile. The only guys I respond to are guys who I KNOW have at least skimmed my information. Comment on something in their profile that you find interesting. That's the point of dating profiles. We're giving you info about ourselves so you can determine if we have something in common - and vice-versa. Ex. She has "I love hiking, go every weekend" in her profile, and you enjoy hiking - Then ask her if she's ever hiked a certain trail you like. You are 90% more likely to get a response that way than trolling and e-creeping.

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    • I just did it for efficiency. I was like I bet none of these girls will respond. And I was right. lol I tried the say something about the stuff on your profile thing. That didn't work either. I'm done with it anyway. I deleted all my accounts on dating sites. It was just ruining my confidence and self-esteem even more.

    • It can do that, but you have to go into it with confidence. You had a negative mentality right from the start. 1) it takes time. 2) just because one girl isn't interested, doesn't mean no girls are. It takes time. Let's put it this way. Out of the 100 or so winks or whatever I've gotten in 20 days, I've only responded to 4. It's not because I think the other guys are lacking, or even unattractive. It's more about who I think I'll have a connection with, and is never a personal affront to someone

  • see...this reminds me of a guy in high school who asked every single girl in high school out and in the end no one went out with him...gee I wonder why? it's because you need to be more sincere and work your butt off harder than just a simple message that you can type in 2 seconds...

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    • Well my thinking was if I can go for a bunch at once maybe one will respond. The specific to each girl thing wasn't working and takes forever. I wish I would have asked out every girl in high school. I knew I would have accomplished more with that.

  • Don't give up. Try redoing your profile and messages with some of the suggestions people gave. Also, maybe try signing up on a few different sites.

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  • Hmm I agree with one of the girls down there don't just send a bunch of girls a load of crap and expect them to melt in your hands. Personally if a guy sent me a message and I could tell he was being sincere and honestly took time to write something to me I would respond even out of courtesy:) but that's just me<3

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  • Maybe venture outside of the online world? There are plenty of girls to meet out there, and you won't have to wait for a response!

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  • Its on the internet, so I don't really think they would know if your gross and unappealing ;)

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  • It is very possible.

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  • No

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  • yes it can happen. I did it for a while

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  • only duumb people do the same thing over and over again and expect different results!

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    • Real helpful.

    • Ever rolled dice?

      Then perhaps you should be quiet.

      The technique that snackeyg used was an unwise thing to do, but you are here to give constructive replies.

  • Sometimes I don't message the guy back just because his initial message just didn't impress me. "Hey I think you're really gorgeous and I just read your profile. I must say I find you very fascinating. I think we have a lot in common. Would you like to get to know one another?" is much better than "Hey sexy, how was your day?"

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    • Lol my message was basically like that first part. Oh well. I'm done with it anyway.

    • And actually, the first example would be kind of a turn off to me. Sounds too much like a phishing scam/bot/hacker or just...lame. A casual comment on what they found most interesting on their profile (i.e.: "Coldplay is one of my favorite bands") would be enough to get me talking to them. :]

  • That website is full of people who want are just can't be bothered or who are not genuine. I know as I once was a member but left. I did make friends with two guys and they still are friends but that's all. You are best to go and have fun. Join some clubs or groups and meet new people.

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  • you spammed their inbox? of course you didn't get any replies. at least write something thoughtful

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    • I did. Was thoughtful to me at least. I respond to everyone even if I think they're ugly. Maybe girls shouldn't be so stuck up and picky.

    • "even if I think they're ugly."

      and what exactly would that accomplish......?

      I'm glad they didn't reply to you

    • It's called being nice and considerate of people's feelings. I'm glad you're a bitch. :)

  • getting "spam messages" isn't fun, I don't answer those messages.

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    • You should. You never know. All you have to do is say Hi back. It doesn't have to be exciting.

  • IN ALL HONESTY, not trying to be a bitch or whatever, you are not the most catch-your-eye-attractive person in the world. Since pictures are all you've got to judge on the internet, that's all people are judging you on. You might be better off not online dating, or not posting pictures, so people can't judge you without knowing your personality. Does that make sense?

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    • I know I'm not attractive. If I don't post pictures people won't bother. That's the first thing people look at for it. As for not online dating. I have no clue at all how to date not online.

    • I think maybe you just need some more self-confidence (easier said than done).

    • You're right. I do.

What Guys Said 27

  • If you're a kind of geeky guy that spends a lot of time on the computer (I read some of your later responses) and isn't out doing exciting things then you're going to have to accept that a lot of girls won't find that lifestyle appealing. If you're too vague about who you are and what you do there's no hooks for girls to latch on to. Intrigue can work but you need a lot of confidence and cockiness and an appealing images to pull it off.

    2 choices

    1. change your lifestyle

    2. find a better environment and be confident about who you are, and where you're going in life.

    recognise that girls want to be seen as more than just a pretty face and look for obvious signs of alikeness. If your profiles have nothing in common and/or you don't state some authority over things they like then they'll just ignore you cos you'll seem like 10k other guys. okcupid is a more geeky environment or there's a site called geek2geek .

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  • Hello there snackeyg,

    I have done the internet dating site thing and I have found it to be a total waste of time. The women I found on there looked to either be model pictures they where passing off to be themselvs or they where just on there to meet someone for a One Night Stand.

    I spent a good couple days going over a couple of those sites and account after account I reviewed all the women had the same goals. In the options what are you here for they would all respond; I want a f*** buddy, I'm just looking for someone to fool around with, I'm looking for no commitment sex. After searching these accounts for sometime I found a couple of girls I went to the add them as a friend option and it said they had something like 500 guys already friended. I gave up on it then because it was pretty obvious that I wasn't going to get anything from that site I was looking for and I was just wasting a big portion of time.

    Hope I helped.

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    • Lol Wow. Yeah I've figured out it's a waste and I just need to get some confidence for meeting girls in person.

    • Im right there with you. I have a hard time talking to women ever since one them played a bad trick on me before. I even had a girl that made it blatently obvious she liked me and I screwed it up. I just don't have enough confidence and that is something I'm trying to work on.

  • I normally just go to a bar with my friends and have fun with them , they see us having fun and they want the same thing , if you see her looking then go to her and ask her or them to come and join you and don't come across like you are hunting , just treat them like friends and ease them into your group , tell them that you want to invite them to a party but need there number to confirm with them. First time you meet them you must show that you can be a friend and build that little bit of crucial trust. Online dating is a waist of time because you are missing out on opportunities that passes you by while you sit and read this .

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  • Forget online dating, it sucks. A hot girl gets 100s of messages every day, most of your messages probably weren't even read because they had way too many. Also don't let it hurt your self esteem. These girls aren't really rejecting you as a person, they've never met you. They don't know anything about you as a person at all.

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    • Good way to put it. Never thought of that at all.

    • Out of the 100s of messages I've sent out on plentyoffish, I've met probably only about 20 different girls. They're never how they tell you they are when you finally meet them, it's nearly always a disappointment, and you realize why they need to be on a dating site to get a boyfriend in the first place. Basically you're better off approaching girls in real life. I know it's hard, but you just have to man up and do it. It's actually much more fun than sitting at a computer waiting for replies...

  • you need a major makeover...

    Cut your hair

    Lose the glasses.. contacts, use them when you're reading, no pictures with glasses.

    Throw away your whole wardrobe, get fitting,CURRENT clothes. i.e shop in fashion concious places such as topman (or us equivalent), UNIQLO, etc

    get clothes your own size

    Good thing is you're not that fat, LOSE some weight... give yourself 6 months to reach the middle of your bmi chart

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    • Some girls like glasses on a guy. It can make him look sharp/intelligent

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    • That kept me content while I locked myself away. I'm in college now, and I still have trouble connecting and socializing with people. Everyone around me doesn't think twice about how they socialize, while I can't get it out of my head. Your buddies are getting girlfriends because they get out. They probably play video games when they aren't doing anything else, not the other way around. You're going to have to make an effort to change your habits if you hope to change your position in life.

    • Well I'm not a social retard. Socializing is easy. Just my friends rarely hang out with me. Like once every 2 months. So I'm just at home all the time.

  • i just think that girls can feel how you spammed a whole bunch or random girls and

    they don't like that cause your giving them all the same message

    i tried this too just using one good message on a bunch of females online

    and I got nothing too

    i think they can tell that we just don't care which one we get as long as we get one or some

    haha

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  • Well your first problem might be if you are using JUST PoF, Its not the best of the free dating sites in my opinion. Next, drop 'getting in shape' off of your hobbies list, replace it with whatever the activities you are doing to get in shape are, walking/biking/working out.

    When you message them pick some interest from their profile that you share and ask them an open ended question about it, something that can't be answered with a yes or a no. Something like:

    Hey, my name's . It caught my eye that you like , I first got into that when , what first got you into it?

    Also I don't know about your tastes but I love tattoos and I find it's a great thing to ask about, since a lot of times people will say they have them but not say what they are, and their pictures might not show them well.Also I really like the site Okcupid, because their little matchmaking questions thing can actually tell you quite a lot about a person, and nothings stopping you from having profiles on multiple free dating sites.

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    • I actually forgot I put getting in shape on my profile. Gone now. I didn't really like OkCupid I thought there was too much to it. I was using zoosk too but that's not really free. I deleted/deactivated those accounts.

    • Thanks for the message advice.

  • Know what? Those girls that you sent 62 messages too? Every other guy did the same thing!

    Everyone of those girls probably gets 1000 emails per day, literally 1000 emails, that are all cut and paste spam. Of course they do not respond their mailboxes are filled to the brim.

    Online dating is hard because guys like you send so much spam to all the girls, so they never respond to anyone. If we would all just send a few well-thought out letters it might work, but as it is by spamming you are ruining it for everyone.

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    • Not really. It's not hard to say hi back. I would do it just to be nice. Girls should just message more and stop making guys do all the work. I gave up on online dating anyway. It's garbage.

  • Guess what, there are also a huge number of guys there, and a lot of them tell nothing but lies and sound really wonderful...

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  • Find the common denominator

    is it the message you've been sending.

    the way you write.

    If its not that it the look of your profile.

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    • I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm ugly. Not really something I can fix.

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    • I'm actually looking to join a weightloss program at a gym. :) It should help a lot.

    • As long as you stick to what they're telling you and keep at it for long enough! I still recommend DDR though - I have the strongest thighs of anyone I know from playing that lol

  • No one responds to spam messages. You have to give off an impression that you are genuine and serious.

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  • Well I just wrote for their MSN in the first message and got them about 70% of the time.

    "Hey. :) Can I get your msn?"

    A rather shallow one, but it worked.

    What I really hated about online dating is that they just stopped responding out of the blue, couldn't start an interesting conversation and in real life they were completely different.

    Never again...

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    • You must be way better looking than me then. I say something pretty simple like that and get a response like 1 or 2 out of 100.

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    • I don't know anything about talking to girls in person. I've never really done it. Also tbh I don't see myself fitting in the clubbing scene it'd be really awkward and my friend don't do that stuff. They just drink and smoke. For social things In Green Bay I'm clueless. I turn 21 in two months so bars I guess. I updated my profile btw.

    • Girls are where people are, and people are in malls, where there are events, parades, parties, beaches, parks, city centers...

      You should definitely try something that you have never done before.

      Buy rollerblades and drive around. It's fun, you'll lose weight and you might find some girls ;D

      About talking with girls... There's not really much to know about that. You talk to your mom and grandma, you talk to your friend, you talk to a girl who's trying to sell something to you.. Normal talking.

  • U should try this one,A Place to Meet Your Life Partner and Lots of Friends, goodwizz.com is the best place provide the most comfortable ways to meet people online. provide a meeting place where millions of single people could meet each other, relax, be encouraged, entertained and feel happy, where every alone heart can find the soul mate,dating tips, because online dating is really a big chance to open your heart and to be heard.playing games,discover friends , you’ll meet new friends not only in your area but all over the world.

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  • Every girl deserves time and patience, not a spam-off. It might seem slow and troubling, but that's the way it goes. Sorry if it's repetitive.

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    • Lol No biggie. I just don't want anyone to come up with something long and detailed and waste their time.

  • If that's really the best you can do, then you are just that unappealing.

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    • Best I can do as in online dating? Or my profile? If you mean my profile It could be better but I would need someone to help me with it. I'm brain dead on about me's and stuff like that. On girls ask guys I didn't bother to put anything. I just said. "I suck at these. If you want to know anything just ask."

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    • Just don't be a perfectionist or you'll never be ready.

    • Perfectionist? I'm the opposite of that. That's my problem. I need to get my life together(school, job,etc.), get my self esteem/confidence up and lose some weight.

  • Best advice I can give you is try to be funny and start conversations with girls without the intention of being in a relationship with them. Also you kind of look like Seth Rogan so you could try to look like him, I've heard many girls like him. Good luck.

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  • Online dating doesn't work for guys, unless you have 10 out of 10 looks that is. There are so many more guys than girls on dating sites. By the time you come around and message her. she's already got a message from 30 other guys and already now dating one of those guys.

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  • I agree that online dating can be no what you expected somehow... But you should try harder, and you will definitely find what you need. I got such a situation while dated on http://kovla.com website. But then it was totally over, and I am happy now ;)

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  • I'd say pretty much cut the fro man, I don't really know chicks who dig them but that's just my opinion. Go short or something...its worth a try no? Hair always grows back anyways

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    • I tried it before I didn't like it and I get more compliments on my fro from girls. lol

  • You have to wait for them to message you first. That's how you'll know they truly have an interest. There are more guys on those sites, than there are girls.

    Make sure your pictures are up to date and your profile is positive in nature.

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    • Yeah that never happens. So I decided I should take some initiative, but I agree with what you said.

  • Oh yeah, I've been there, done that... Sometimes, I believe that meeting a girl face-to-face (like a phone call) is much better... But don't give up! Your time will come too! :D

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  • i agree online dating is possible

    but I also believe that its not as romantic as meeting in person so if you two over come that obstacle and are mature about it I don't see why it wouldn't be possible

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  • what site was it?

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    • Plenty of fish

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    • Yeah I gave up. lol Even with generic answers, out of over 100 girls you'd think a few would respond.

    • Yep. on line dating overall is gay. of course I think all dating is

  • Don't do it, you are so young there are people in college that you cna meet and at your other jobs.

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  • Yeah... but not on this site? I heard people do it in larger cities

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  • Its possible, it has its upsides and its down sides. Trying to hard is also a turn off. The harder you try the more unattractive it makes you...

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    • Lol Obviously not trying very hard doesn't work either. So I guess doing nothing is the best option.

  • i know right chicks do love spam

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    • How would they know it's spam? It's not like I message one girl 62 times.

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    • I would if I had any. lol

    • I don't even wear glasses anymore.

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