Is there any way that a "fatty" can be sexy at all?

Alright, just to get it out there. I KNOW I am a "fatty" on the shallow man's standards. I really am not here to be told how fat I am or how disgusting I look, I got it.

So I was just strolling around this site tonight and I realized something. Many guys don't like "larger" women and some would even refuse to date somebody just because of that fact. I am getting weight loss surgery in March to end my life long battle with my weight, but for the people that don't have the option and want to make what they already have look good, is there any way that a fatty can be attractive at all to somebody that wouldn't date them?

For example:

I, for one, like to dress nice in clothes that flatter me. I'm not talking clingy clothes that cling to every roll and imperfection. I'm fat, and even I don't find that attractive. I act very classy and am very smart and articulate. I am very opinionated and I'm not afraid to state my opinion. I played sports all my life and LOVE watching football and baseball when they're on. I don't consider my face to be horrible...

I notice that if some of these qualities were in a skinny person, most busy would be all the hell over it! But because the person is fat it's a whole other issue? Please enlighten me guys. I don't find it fair that people just cut people out even though if you get to know a "larger" girl well enough, you may just find these things.

And as I always say. You can lose the weight, but you can't lose bad character.

Updates:
Sorry. "Busy" in the last paragraph is supposed to be "guys."

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Attraction is not a choice, unfortunately. When you interact with someone you don't go over all good and bad qualities that person has and then decide whether or not you feel attracted to them. I would be great if we did, it's a much more egalitarian and rational system certainly.

    But unfortunately that's not how it is. Sexual attraction is a primal instinct handed down to us by natural selection and when we encounter another person we either feel it or we don't. And it follows that natural selection favors qualities that bolster our ability to survive and reproduce so passing down our genes to the next generation not qualities that are conducive to a happy relationship.

    While there are some men that do like it, fat is one such quality that causes men to not "feel it". They may feel a friendly affection for you but it's not that intense, longing feeling of romantic love. They don't cut you out because they're all assholes, they just don't have those feelings for you. If that makes you feel cheated, I can't say I blame you. I've often felt that way as well. I'm not exactly a skinny guy either. I'm not huge but I'm bigger than most guys.

    It is indeed unfair but mother nature is a cruel mistress. Life is unfair but that's the way of it. It's out of my hands. I can't change the way these things work and I've learned to accept that. I know it's little consolation but there are some few guys out there who like it. And it could always be worse. You could be disabled, physically or mentally. You could be a burn victim. You have to play the hand you're dealt, whether it's fair or not.

    Good luck with the surgery. I know someone that had gastric bypass surgery ( I think that's what it's called) and it's a pretty intense procedure with a long recovery. I hope you have a lot of loving people to support you and I wish you all the best.

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    • I understand that. But my point is sometimes personalities just click and such and you can fall fir somebody you never would have dated before. It's rare, but it happens. What you're saying makes a lot of sense. I actually agree with most of it.

What Guys Said 5

  • Im sorry before I begin I'm going to tell you that I am going to be honest with you...Seeming like a nice great guy just so people on the internet think of me like that doesn't help you out (at least I don't think it does) ...and if you take anything I say as offensive, don't not for me but for you, I'm not worth getting upset about just because I am a nobody who doesn't know you for you.

    Here goes:

    Yes it is unattractive, I never viewed myself as a shallow person but I can't see myself dating someone I see as 'fat' (I like chubby, but there's a limit and its my own limit). I can be nice and civil to anyone, but dating someone who is fat would be done out of pity and the relationship would not be worth it for either of us.

    You sound like someone I would be totally interested in when describing your personality. But personally no amount of confidence or sex appeal could make we attracted to you..I don't like saying this, but I know people think like this, and you will have to at least face this mentality in life.

    What you said about personality being attractive on skinner is 100% accurate, it's unfair and sh*tty to you, and if I had to choice I would wire my brain and body chemistry just to be wired on personality and not physical appertain, but for whatever reason its not.

    As for you, imo I think it would be much more respectful if you could lose the weight on your own, and work for something that seems impossible (millions of people have overcome things much harder, sorry if you don't like hearing that but it's the truth) you don't have to take this advice, I don't walk in your shoes or make your decisions for you...

    Its a rough place we live in and no matter who you are, you're going to get socked in the face...we all just think we are getting hit harder than everybody else.

    Whatever your choice best of luck to you

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    • Haha. Nope. I'm chill. Not going to be p*ssed at you. It's understandable.

      Oh. I have lost the weight multiple times. Don't get me wrong. Struggled all my life. The surgery is indeed respectable if you understand what I have to do. Does a liquid diet and baby food on your prom night sound fun? It isn't.

    • Yeah that's basically why I said don't listen to me..And no I'm good without the baby peas on prom. But I was kinda more talking about the mental reward you would get from overcoming that many see as debilitating. But hey you know you and the challenges you faced and I can't make that decision for you.

      Good luck in the surgery I don't know how they work, but they can defiantly be a little frightening (I know from experience)

    • Haha. Thank you.

      Yeah. Thank you for not judging me. :) People tend to think it's the easy way out without knowing the road I've traveled. My mom got the same procedure and has lost 175 pounds. It's just the fact that I have lost the weight and have been trying all my life and instead of struggling and being old, fat, and miserable I say nip it in the bud now and be happy and healthy for the rest of my life. :) That's my reasoning behind it.

  • I know one girl who's not really fat, but is... well, more than chubby.

    Anyway, I don't know her secret (maybe those huge boobs?), but guys never leave her alone.

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    • Haha. Probably the boobs, even though that's uually genetic. I tend to have problems with that. That's the only thing guys like about me. xD

  • It's all about your personality yeah it sucks I know. I'm fat and it's all I got until I lose some weight. Just based on the fact that you didn't put this as anonymous I bet your personality is awesome. On the weight loss surgery. I'm jealous I want that. lol Oh well hopefull my lazy ass can gain some motivation for once to lose weight.

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    • Sorry my answer sucked. As a fat person I don't know a single thing about sexy.

    • Show All
    • And the sexiest thing about somebody is confidence, and if you aren't confident in yourself, how can you expect somebody to like you? Keep your chin up. :) It's that bad attitude right there that will turn people away faster than being "fat."

    • Yeah. I regret not talking to girls in high school. I wouldn't be like this most likely if I did. I've never done anything with a girl. And I mean anything. lol

  • No fat people can't be sexy at all.. That's my opinion but there are guys that like fatties out there. Although probably not many.

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  • I am sorry but I just can not be attracted to a female that weighs more then 125 pounds.

    I myself excersize a half-hour to 45 minutes a day to stay tone, in shape, and keep the weight down and it is entirely fair for me to expect the same from any potential hook-up.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Theres some guys who like and some who dont. Absolutely a bigger person can be SeXy! I've seen some bigger ladies who are gorgeous and have boyfriends and date. I can't answer why guys don't typically date bigger girls because I'm not a guy. But, I hope that after your surgery you flaunt your stuff even more then you do now and find a wonderful gentlemen that will love you for YOU..do what you need to do to make your self comfortable with who you are.

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    • Thank you very much. :) I am very excited for my surgery and have been waiting for the chance to be normal all my life, and I'm finally getting it.

  • My cusions a 'fatty' and she's super sexy(no weird lesbo cusion type thing intended) but its true she has style and confidence in herself and has guys all ovr her so I belive yes larger women can be sexy...

    Also I'm skinny in a guys opion and my personality is awesome. Plus I also love sports like football and soccer its how I was raised. So I take offence to you sayin skinny girls usally have bad personalities.

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    • Where on earth in the description does it say skinny girls have bad personalities?

      The world does not revolve around you, love.

    • I never once said that personality was lacking in skinny people? I don't want people to make assumptions about me because I'm fat, why would I do that to you? Reread the post.

    • Oh sorry I missunderstood you, and good luck on you surgery my mom had it done but idr how musch she lost

      And Rome I knw the world doesn't revole around me, and I nevr said tht it did.

  • well I'm not a guy or anything, but my cousin is a bigger girl and ofcourse she has been snubnosed by guys and all but at the same time, she gets some reallly good lookin guys, she has a beautiful face and a great personality

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