My boyfriend and I just had our first fight?

We have been dating for one year and just had a real verbal fight for the first time. Over the phone. He has never swore at me before or called me a bitch, he freaked out and said whatever I see you later. What does that mean? Do I just let him cool off? or are we over.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I have a rule that I have lived by for a loooong time.

    The day isn't over if there are unresolved issues.

    Was this fight about something seroius? Was this just about locking horns?

    Nobody wins a fight. Fights can however be resolved, but that means both of you have to be commited to HEARING what the others has to say, and being willing to work to a solution.

    Most often, a fight is about more than what you are fighting about. It is often the symptom of other things that have gone unsaid, or unresolved.

    Do you think he's the one? If you do how far are you willing to go to settle this?

    It's going to require both of you changing a few things. You need to fight for each other, not with each other. No digs, cuts, and no ambushing. This isn't about fault...it's about finding someplace to meet in the middle. It means staying calm. It means owning your feelings. It means remembering why you chose each other.

    Guys tend to deal with the here and now. There are a lot of things guys don't think are worth raising a flag over.

    Women make lists. Women tend to hit guys with things that happened a week, a month, ten years ago.

    We don't do well with six issues at once. At work we can attack any number of problems and a time. When it comes to relationship issues dealing with problems one at a time is how most guys want life to happen.

    Guy's are not raised to think on an emotional level. We do learn to over time, but it is still very foreign to most of us.

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    • :) Oh god I WISH the guy I just fought with not make lists. He throws out 7 things at once. As soon as I try to clarify one he goes 180 in another emnotional direction of his own story. Don't generalize. Guys are capable of doing what you say girls do. & Girls what you say guys do. I stay calm I like one thing at a time& I defiitely prefer tro keep things in the present. He attacked me with things he could have said months ago- I thought were resolved& I had no warning.

      But I agree with your rules :)

    • LOL I did say we do learn *grins*

      Ok..something very few couples do till it get's like this, is agree to "rules of engagement". Yeah, rules on how to argue....like never fighting over the phone.

      I would say break out the white flag and see if he will sit...SIT down and talk. Active listening....that means one issue at a time. Either side has a say, then the other has the floor. Again this MUST be about reaching a solution, not about pointing fingers. "When ___ happens, this is how I feel".

What Girls Said 1

  • "Fist" fight seems like an exceptionally misleading typo.

    Can't tell really. For some couples something like that would mean the end. For others it would just mean that it's Tuesday. How long have you been together? What was the fight about?

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