Met a guy through online dating ... what to do next?

OK, so met a guy through online dating. We have exchanged messages on the site almost daily for last 4/5 weeks.

He gave me his personal email address, and again we started to send each other email off site.

He then gave me his number and I gave him mine. As he'd initiated the contact I said I'd give him a call. We agreed a day to call, I did, he didn't answer. He emailed me the next day to apologize as he was working late until like 2am (he is a workaholic so I believe him). I messaged back the next day to say no problem, just call me back when you have time, I appreciate your really busy this week, there is no rush.

He messaged me back the next day and said super, I'll definately give you a call tonight then. I picked up his email quite late that day, and just replied back a two liner acknowledging something else he'd said in his email, and that calling would be cool, speak later. Well he did not call me, and did not email the next day to apologize.

I emailed him the next day to say hey, and just not to worry again as I know he's working late everyday this week, and that we could give each other a call over the weekend instead. He never replied to me.

Well now I'm not sure what to think. Should I call him if he doesn't call? Did I come on too strong / make myself too available? Have I given him leeway to act like this given my previous emails saying don't worry, its OK, and should I now say hey its not OK to keep doing this?

This is really tricky one. I find it hard to believe he has just suddenly lost interest, I mean why would he be so enthusiastic about calling, then literally drop out of contact within 8 hours? It doesn't make any sense. He is the one that has been really pursuing me. Maybe he's unsure about continuing contact ... ? Any ideas anyone?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He probably was interested in you online, but when it came to actually intiating further contact (phone calls, meeting up, etc.) he chickened out. Since you haven't met in person, you are not "real" to him yet, and he will have less remorse for just

    He may say that he is so busy with work, but that is just a cop out. A man interested in a woman will take fifteen minutes out of his day to make a phone call. It would be a highlight in his busy day, not a chore. So stop using this as an excuse for him, because the truth is that he just didn't call you when he said he would.

    So here are your options: Just write him off. There are so many fish in the sea, especially when you add online dating in the mix. If he is this nervous and/or flaky this early in the game, he won't make a good partner anyways.

    Or you could write him a FINAL email that acknowledges the fact that he has blown you off twice, tell him you understand if he is nervous or unsure about taking the next step, but you will still leave the door open if he wants to talk this week. Don't be surprised if you don't hear from him. End all contact after that email, unless he initiates it.

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    • Thankyou. I like the way you have worded that, I will definately use this approach. Thanks.

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    • Wow your exactly right, we definitely can take the 15 minutes to make a call. For most guys out there she is right, when we are interested in a girl we sit by the phone thinking and planning what to say just like girls wait for the call. I think girls have a perception that guys are just calm and collected when getting to know a girl. We get nervous also :).

    • I agree with you 31 Ross, I had almost same situation happen to me with a guy so I emailed him when he went silent to ask if this was more than him being busy with work, or if he was getting nervous. I did it in such a way to make light of it by listing in a jokey way the reasons he may be using not to call e.g. she may not look like her pictures etc. It worked! Got a response back the next day, and we are OK again now!

What Guys Said 2

  • I am with my girlfriend of one year and we met online and she is the one for me, no one I ever met in person has or ever could compare.

    Here in my eyes are the rules for online dating:

    Use skype or MSN to talk over cam and mic, that way you can't really pretend to be something different any more than you could if you were in person.

    Give it time, don't rush into it.

    People don't understand that it's no different to meeting someone in person except you can't touch which actually gives you ADDED security.

    Last but not least, meet in a public place, not in your home, but the same rules apply to inviting someone you met in public back to your home.

    Now to your question, in my experience people are so afraid of talking online that tiny, stupid misunderstandings can make them think that you aren't a ''real'' person and just another one of the freaks that do exist in the online community.

    Call him if you want, but understand that lots of times people just get the wrong end of the stick online. One thing I would say is regardless of what you do, don't give up on the possibility, it brought me to the woman I will marry who is sat next to me as we speak.

    Send him an e-mail being honest about how you feel and ask him to reply just as honestly so you can stop bothering him if he isn't interested anymore.

    Don't put on pressure, just be yourself, if he doesn't like it then at least you know that you are barking up the wrong tree.

    Good luck and genuinely, it is just a case of trial and error.

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    • Thanks TalkingFrank, I really appreciate your input. Yes that is the problem here, I don't want to get the wrong end of the stick with him i.e. he has just been busy, and I'm sitting here thinking he is losing interest. It makes it difficult to send him an email asking that if I'm jumping to conclusions. I think I will not call him, but I will email him in a few days just to give him some space, and lets see what reaction I get. Thank you again!

    • You are very welcome, I'm glad it helped you even slightly =).

  • I personally don't believe in love over the internet. You need that personal connection so there are no mask to cover who you really are. And you don't know who this guy is and if he's telling the truth or not. From what I'm hearing, it just seemed like he was in it for the excitement. To confirm it, call him and see what he does.

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    • While what you say is valid in some ways, it's not always like that, I am now with a girl who I'd spoken to for 2 years before we met and now we've been together for a year and will be for many more. We are perfectly happy, it requires a special type of person. It wasn't a case of not being able to get a girlfriend in person but more that we actually felt a VERY deep connection from day one, it's a hard situation but it can pay off, we couldn't be happier.

    • Thankyou for your comment. I think there may be some truth in the excitement element so I will see, however I do believe in the internet for dating. I think with Skype / MSN it can work.

What Girls Said 1

  • I'd like to address this to Talking Frank:

    I guess I'm on the same boat. As I'm writing, I'm hurting. I've been chatting with a guy whom I met on a dating site for a month now. Although we haven't chatted via Skype or MSN and never used a webcam due to time difference (we live in two different parts of the world-I'm from Korea and he's from UK), We started flirting with each other. I believe we got a connection. He told me he liked me and would love to meet in person. He has called me once, too. The thing is that we do not chat regularly. He just chats with me whenever he finds time since I just come online after work and he is at work then.

    There were even times that we made an appointment to chat on a weekend, but he didn't come online. He said he was busy and apologized.

    I think I'm beginning to like him. We haven't chatted for a week now. We just exchanged offline messages. But his messages are getting shorter. He just tells me that we would chat "soon" and he misses me. I asked him how soon is "soon"? and asked him to give me a call anytime even in the wee hours of the night. There hasn't been any reply from him. It's been 3 days. It's just so confusing since he normally leaves messages almost every day. I don't know what happened. Was it because I seemed to be clingy? What should I do? Are his inconsistency and irregularity of chatting a sign of something I should be careful of? How do I know if I can trust him? Please reply. Thanks.

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