Met a guy through online dating ... what's the deal here?

OK, met a guy, we've been exchanging messages, and now privately on email since the start of July. We arrange to speak. I call, he doesn't answer. Get an email the next day apologizing as he was working late.

I say no bother, call whenever. Says he'll call next day and doesn't. Poof! No contact for a week so I drop him a line asking if everything is OK, if its just work or did he get a little nervous or unsure, if he did its OK there is no pressure.

Get an email back the next day to say he'd been out of the country on v short notice with work, apologizing, explaining what had happened, asking me questions about a couple of other things, and then telling me he's been offered a job abroad for 12 months from next summer and he doesn't know what to do?

He ends it by saying hope you are having a nice day.

So now I’m a little like, well how do I respond to that? I have no reason to disbelieve him when he says he got called away from what he’s said to me in the past. He didn’t mention about calling again, but he didn’t not mention it either, and I guess with the bombshell he just landed it was probably better not to.

I’m a little confused if he is telling me that so I’ll back off, or if he just wants to be honest with me? I want to write back and say congratulations, great news etc, and I want to try to get to know him better regardless as its 8 months until he goes which is ages away yet. I guess I could say congrats etc, doesn’t change anything here, want to get to know you etc and just see how he responds.

Any insights?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • honey...i think he's lying to you completely. A lot of people on online dating pretend to be who they can't be in person. He was enjoying talking to you, the attention. But then when the time came for you to actually speak. He backed out and made up some fabricated story about how his job is so incredible that he got offered work oversea's. No offense. A man who is doing well for himself, usually doesn't have to meet a woman off the internet. Not saying that there's anything wrong with it. Just that it's usually for people who are either tired of the dating scene or can't get someone in real life. I hope things work out for you. but I suggest maybe talking to him on webcam, because then you'll know he's ACTUALLY who he says he is. Just a suggestion.

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    • Well I don't think he is lying about the job offer (it turns out we actually have mutual friends) so I do think he's telling the truth about that, I just don't think I'm getting the whole truth from him, something feels 'not quite right' here. We are both workaholics, that's why I joined up online. I'll drop him a line suggesting we met / speak on the phone and call it quits if he avoids it again. Thanks for the honesty, it's much appreciated.

    • Yeah that sounds like a good plan, don't let him lead you on or use you!

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What Guys Said 2

  • You should be cautious about online relationships. many times people are not who they say they are.

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  • Hes not into you, if a guy really likes you he will call, make time, ask you out etc

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What Girls Said 2

  • You are putting more effort into it than he is. Mirror his level of commitment. Let him move towards you, not the other way around. Is he talking about getting to know you? It may not change anything for you, but you have to consider in his mind it just might change everything. I think we really screw up when we have these expectations that the guy thinks or feels like we do or sees things like we do. The reality is, they don't.

    If he is not calling, there is your sign. I guy who wants to get to know you will put in effort to do so. I would say Next and move onto someone who thinks you are worth the effort. No sense in accepting this man, there are many others out there.

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  • ahh! sounds a little sketchy too me. Be skeptical about this.

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