Bothered by a fly - Why won't she leave us alone?

A few weeks ago my boyfriend cheated on me. He said he chose me but is still speaking to the girl on a daily basis. She has asked him to be her boyfriend and flirts with him through text messages and IM. He says he wants to just "be her friend", but this includes spending time with her and talking to her on a daily basis. He says that he is not cheating on me anymore, but how can I believe that when he hides his phone so I can't see the messages sent back and forth? I need this girl to stop being ignorant and leave he and I alone.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to stay with him, no breaking up. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry, the girl isn't being ignorant, she's acting on her interest. It's not like she's anything to you. But your boyfriend is. Not that it entitles you to look at his personal things like his phone but that entitles you to say "oh, come on. You can be friend with other girls on haven't cheated on me with. But you forfeited your benefit of the doubt the moment you kissed her."

    Yeah, he won't like it, he might call you a jealous control freak, but he brought this on himself. People seem to think that being on a relationship forces the other to completely trust, but trust should be earned. And he blew it with this one girl. You forgave him, good for you (I think). But he can't expect you to be OK with this.

    Or dump him and get a boyfriend the is a little more concerned with not giving you reasons to feel jealous.

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    • To be honest, he's starting to use this cheating as leverage. He now has a girl that is his safety net, "If you leave, I have someone else, so I don't really care". Right now it's just a verbal control battle. I think that's part of the reason why he has the girl around. He gets to play both sides, poor little me not wanting him to leave and the clingy girl that wants to b

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    • Meghan: It's because I a determined to make it work. I've made my own mistakes in the past, I haven't done quite what he has done, but I have done enough. I am not about to let all of the battles we fought together mean nothing. I just think it's time for him to buck up, be an adult, and end the affair once and for all. It's only week 2, perhaps things will improve.

    • I say her tactic is anything but pathetic and to be honest I think you should indulge her and let her have the guy, because it seems like he isn't a good partner. The joke's on her.

      Yeah, I've been in love with a bad girl before, it's hard when we still want to work on the relationship and haven't realize that it's not fixable. That's just his flawed character. He doesn't seem to be a decent person and you can't change that.

      The choice is ultimately yours, but I agree with meghan. Dump him.

What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • give him a choice you or the girl. if he says he chooses you loves you, wants only you. he need to man up kick that other girl out of his life to please you. if he can't do it he ain't worth it. and as for trusting him you shouldn't trust him right now because he is still actign like a cheater. he needs to show you what's going back and forth between them. the more he hides the more is going on that shouldn't be

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    • I am semi-sort-of okay with them being friends, but I am having major trust issues (as I have a right to have). It's just...*sigh* I want to know that he is mine and he's not seeing both of us at the same time. He has been treating me differently. Like last night I made a mistake. I am stressed and upset because of the situation so I have not been listening or following directions very well, and he said, "With the relation ship being this fragile, you shouldn't be making these mistakes".

    • Wasn't he the one that made the relationship fragile? Why do I have to be dangling on a string just because he has a safety net girl? :/

    • Exactly you should be the one dangling him. go out explore find yourself another man that sparks your interest "befriend" him text him hide it from your boyfriend but let him know you have a guy friend and if he don't treat you like you know you should be treated that's it new guy wins. if he knows he is goign to lose you and he really loves you he will cut the crap.

  • sorry you need to break up with your boyfriend. you think he really chose you? no he didnt, he is having his cake and eating it too. you're putting all the emphasis on the other girl but guess what this is a girl your man cheated with and is allowing to come between yall. bottom line: he's still messing with her.

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    • You have a very good point :(

    • Do you think she will eventually get frustrated with him not breaking up with me for her and tell him to leave her alone?

    • He's not gonna change at all. if it's not her he's gonna find some other girl to cheat on you with. she may or may not get frustrated but it's kinda sad that you're willing to put up with this kinda treatment. if she does get frustrated he'll find another one

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