How do I reject a guy who hasn't made their intentions clear?

A guy I met once through a friend at the beginning of the year asked to catch up via FB after we had been talking via there for a while. I never got any flirtatious vibes from him so I really truly thought it was just as friends. We had coffee together and I felt the conversation was really boring and he hadn't flirted at all. But then he messaged me asking to catch up again the next week. I didn't answer his email but he caught me on FB chat and asked again so I said "hey I'm meeting clare (the mutual friend we meet through at the beginning of the year) on Wednesday so why don't you come along too" but he said he had class then and asked to 'catch up' again. I thought I had made it clear I was thinking of this meeting up as a friendship thing so I said yes again cause I couldn't think of a way to say no without making it sound like he was trying to 'ask me out' if that wasn't the case. so I went and I tried to do as many things as possible to turn him off (acting distant, disagreeing with him etc.) but he refused to let me pay for my own drink this time... which made me feel awkward. Then as soon as I got home I checked my FB email and he'd sent a message asking to meet up again just two days later to go for a walk on the beach. I really don't know how to reject him seeing as I feel he hasn't really made his intentions clear from the beginning so now I feel like I've been leading him on... which I guess is my fault for being so dense...

I told him I was too busy for the beach thing so he texted me asking to meet again during the week...

what should I do? I don't want to be too blunt via email but if I meet up again I'll get his hopes up or something...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In regards to your main dilemma, you need to make it clear you're only interested in a friendship. If you're being as vague as he is about what you want than how is he supposed to know your intentions? By agreeing to hang out with him you're saying "Yes, you're interesting and I want to know more". I know some guys that think just because you smile at them you're saying you like them. As a gender, we're extremely dense and need to be told what you want or else we'll go on living in our faery tale world where all chicks that make eye contact dig us.

    Also, disagreeing with him is actually an attractive quality. It show you have your own opinions and personality and aren't afraid to voice it meaning you have self confidence.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Idk you can be harsh and he'll learn and not be so boring with the next girl but consider you a bitch and you will feel like one.

    Or you could just ignore him, he'll go nuts and then do it all over again with another girl.

    As a guy I would say the first because guys tend to recover faster than girls at heart shattering realizations.

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  • you have to be blunt. you have to be straight up. No other way is ever better. Honesty is the best policy.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Honestly it sounds mean but guys do not get hints/subtlety, I would just text, "You're a great guy but I am not interested in you." Then do not contact him again and if you run into him be polite but cool.

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  • You don't have to keep talking to him, what I do is just kinda let the contact taper off. When he tries to make plans say no that's OK, respond to his texts/calls less, he'll get it. If' he's that lame I'm sure this is not the first girl who has done that to him lol. You COULD tell him why, but is that really your responsibility? A lot of guys say that they would want to be told why you don't want to see them anymore, but there really is no easy way to say that w/o coming off like a "bitch" or hurting his feelings. Just let it go, its not like he was your boyfriend anyway.

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