Introducing your new man to your child?

Just wondering what the general consensus is on when is too soon to introduce a new boyfriend to your child? or vice versa Do you think there is a right or a wrong time?

The guy I'm dating has no issues with me being a single parent, it's more the effect on my son that worries me. If he gets attached and it doesn't work out I worry it will have a bad effect on my son. Any opinions/advice would be greatly appreciated :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not a single parent, but I am a child of divorce, so I can see it more from your son's point of view. Pros and cons:

    Introducing him early :: you won't be so attached to your new man that it hurts too much to let him go if your son can't accept him. In the end, your responsibility as a mother is to your son, and though I don't doubt you know that, that doesn't necessarily make it any easier if the two of them don't get on and you have to break up with your man. It might also make it easier for your son to accept - if you suddenly sprung it on him that you were marrying this guy, he might feel too shocked and left out to be able to accept it properly, or for a while. But when you're just dating him, it's easier - your son knows that as he is evaluating the new guy, so are you, so you're in the same boat and he knows you're still on his side and aren't going to abandon him or anything.

    Introducing him later :: you've known him long enough to know that he's a decent enough guy to be around your son and possibly be a father figure. If he's old enough to understand it all, he may be more trusting of 'letting you go off with a man' you've got to know, than a complete stranger. Kids can be just as protective of their parents when it comes to dating =P If your son doesn't like it at first and wants to know why you're with him, you can state your reasons with confidence, knowing that you actually believe what you're saying. This might bring him over to your point of view a bit more. He also may not like the idea of his mother 'dating' as much as actually getting married - we tend to see family members as doing official things but not casual things. Perhaps a long-term relationship is more 'proper' to him.

    But it all depends on how old he is, what he's like with girls, where the father is, what kind of people they all are, etc. You know them better than we do! Good luck =]

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    • Thanks very much Tigerlily, that really helped a lot getting a better idea of how my son may see it. He's nearly 12 and has never had a father (he left us when I was pregnant) so I am very wary of letting him meet guys, he' s only met 1 previous boyfriend and thankfuly was OK when it all ended. I'll be doing what's best for him and will take my time before I take the next step :)

    • Glad I can help =] sounds like he's sort of in the middle, not all that mature yet but not completely naive either. Hope all goes well for you =]

What Guys Said 1

  • Thats the problem make sure he's going to be around long enought not to be a distraction or distruption to you son. He might be confused by too many men coming and going...play it safe.

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    • Too many men?! I don't have a constant stream of men coming in and out of my life! It's been 5 years since I've introduced him to anyone and I was with that guy for 2.5 years! But thanks for your response :)

What Girls Said 2

  • I would say 6 months...and maybe when you do introduce them, the first few times can be short visits...not like your boyfriend staying over for the weekend sort of thing. Good Luck.

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  • How old is your kid? How long have you been separated?

    I'd say anything less than 6 months isn't worthwhile...you want to make sure that you know him very well by the time you introduce him to your son.

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    • My son is nearly 12. I'm not seperated, I've never been married. The father left me when I was 6 months pregnant and we've heard nothing from him since so it's not like this guy is replacing his father or anything. Thanks for your response, I've some thinking to do :)

    • That's different then. I'd say he won't mind as much if he's never been close to his father.

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