Would like mens opinions please

I have had this dilemma for over a year now. I guess I needed the break from dating anyone any ways to just take some time to really get to know me and figure out what more I want out of life. I think I am a pretty good person. Honest, caring, good heart. I have been told by many that I have a lot of great qualities that I should have no problems in finding a great guy and I deserve the best which I know I do. although I am unsure I really feel that I am exactly dateable.

I have been divorced for about 7 years now. I had lived on my own for sometime. Last year my ex husband (my sons father) was generous to allow not only my son come stay with him till I can make things better for myself and all. He gave me a spare room at his place. He and I have already been down the path together and it did not work out that way. We know that there is no possiblities on trying that again. We get along great as friends however there is nothing beyond that point.

I am greatful to have the chance to stay here for the fact it was a great opportunity to go to school full time and work on a degree so I have a chance to do something better for myself and have a better chance at being on my own once I do get done and get back into my own place.

When I moved in over a year ago. I had putting dating aside mostly to gather myself. But I also have reframed from even trying much because I don't feel that most guys would want to even bother. I would be the one to come out and be honest and let them know that I am living with my ex. Because I think it would be dishonest to exclude that peice of information if they were interested in me.

Although, it may be in best interest not to date and let there be any distractions while I get my degree. It hard to avoid that the heart wants what the heart wants. It wants to find the distraction that is worth it. Not forgetting about school and my degree. But to find someone that is aa great catch and make things even more enjoyable.

My quesion is, if you meet somone that you are learning that has great qualities and is a great person is all that voided and does the fact that she happens to be living with an ex without any involment with them while going to school full time to get her degree and nor currently working while she goes? does that over shadow the good with this temperary delimah? Is it really a big deal or am I just being worried too much from my own view?

Would I be taking a chance at not meeting someone special if I avoid dating all together by thinking that I just am not dateable because I am taking care of things this way. I feel in a way that if someone were to think that I am not they would be missing a chance to get to know what a great person I could be by not wanting to get to know because of it. It just has been a struggle on deciding what I should do. Any advice would be nice from outside males voices.

Updates:
i originally moved in to get caught up and my ex was having surgery as well so we both were in a bind. we would help our friends or family in need out and that is simply all it is. lots of people live with roommates and family temp

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It doesn't phase me at all but then again, I date married women by preference. Most of men who make it past 30 get a lot more realistic about dating and sexual relationships. Most women have children, most women have stretchmarks and babyfat. You simply accept these as being hallmarks of being alive. Exs are also part of the picture and something you get used to dealing with. I suggest that you play straight if it comes up but chances are that really won't. Your circumstances actually aren't that unusual for this day and age.

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    • Well it is glad 2 hear that there are guys that may not be so judgemental and more understanding to life dealings. its just scarry when you hear negative comments about others. or when you see simular situations but are trully messy and make it look bad 4 others that may be in the simular situation but it isn't really full of the drama part of it.

    • And the lack of drama is the key. Everyone has a history, the question is how well they deal with it. To be honest, you really don't want want someone who is so weak that they can't deal with you having a past. Smile and move to the next one, that one just isn't qualified to ride this ride.

What Guys Said 3

  • The solution to your DILEMMA could very by guy. If it was me, as great as you were, I would move on because of the ex. However, I've never been married, don't have kids, and I made it my resolution not to get involved with women with kids, or divorced women, unless they just were looking for a fling. In the past I've dated divorced women and single moms, and there is always been some type of bitterness about their past, or a bit too much drama with the kids. Now, if I were to meet somebody living with the ex, I would just run.

    As you know, there are all types of guys out there so I'm just one out of too many. I know guys that have married divorced or single moms, and that was not a problem for them. HOwever, your situation is unique, and I'm willing to bet most guys would find the situation a bit too weird for them. Now, you could meet the older men that maybe are way past beyond this whole thing, but going from what I hear the ladies at work talkign about, it seems that men get older and they don't change much. Anyway, let's see what the rest of the men say.

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  • Most men would be put off by the fact that your living with your ex, a few won't which makes them special, but the majority would. Just like a lot (not all) of men are put off if a woman already has kids.

    How would it work out? Would he have to come back and meet your ex? A lot of men wouldn't even give that a second thought, what if your ex still has feelings for you, why are you living with him unless you have feelings for him, it's a lot of baggage and hassle, and I can quite confidently say that most men would avoid like the plauge.

    On another note, plenty of people go to school, hold a part-time job and live by themselves, if you did this you'd have nothing holding yourself back, be an independant woman, and find that men are a lot more intrested. I think this is the route you should take.

    Honestly, no matter how much I liked a woman, if she said she was still living with her ex I'd leave it at that, it's a pure recipe for disaster.

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    • No feelings for him other than we are friends and roommates. its no different than having a roommate like others do. it just that mine happens to be my ex and we still can be amicable and when I lost my last job he said why don't I take the chance to just go to school while I am staying there and not have to worry about the other crap. doesn't mean I can't do the other. we are friends helping each other out doesn't mean there has to be more than that.

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    • I know you say you have no feelings and I don't disbelieve you, but a lot of men would have doubts. Like I said not everyone thinks this way (The person below my comment for example) but a lot would.

      Don't say your living with your ex, say you and your room mate had something in the past but now its over. Same message, different words and it makes the world of difference. When it's put that way I wouldn't really have a problem with it, just the word ex is really strong and implies you have feelings

    • I just think maybe people should look at ex meaning that they are an ex because its broken & un fixable lol. I don't leave out the ex thing 4 the fact they are going to find out because my son is going to be staying home with his dad. I think they would think I was crappy if I left my son with my roommate all the time. as far as meeting him it would be no dif if they met a roomate either they do or don't we do our own things. I never had anyone come 2 my door here to make them unconfortable

  • I think that as long as the person you are interested in is really interested in you also, they shouldn't have a problem when you tell them about living with your ex. Just be sure to explain the reasons behind it. I am facing somthing similar myself. I will most likely be getting a divorce in the near future but we can't financially afford to live on our own when that happens, so we talked about possibly staying in the house as roommates. There are other positives and negatives to it, but I believe that as long as we are still friends and we respect each other that it will work. As for the dating thing, I guess that when I start doing that I will have to follow my own advice. ;)

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    • Well good luck on this journey. it is good that 2 people can still be adults and get along enough to help each other out without all the normal divorce chaos. just because marriage wasnt meant for you 2 doesn't mean you can't be friends or roommates and have to be enemies

What Girls Said 1

  • I really think that this is not a big impediment to dating and having fun and even finding a serious relationship if that is what you want. Just be upfront about the situation and if the guy doesn't like it or understand, then you aren't missing much, anyway. In these tough economic times, there are bound to be many such arrangements out there! Good luck to you!

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