Why don't guys call or text often?

Why would a guy you're practically dating not call or text you very often, even if they say they miss you? Is it possible that some guys are just so oblivious to things and truly don't find daily contact important in any type of relationship?


Most Helpful Guy

  • > when you're practically dating?

    Are you expecting the full dating service level when you're only practically dating? ;-)

    > why wd a guy not call or text you very often, even if they say they miss you?

    I only tend to text when there is some important content to get over and I can't actually speak to someone. I'd much rather do all the "how's things", "had a good day?", "wasn't the weather good/bad/average?" stuff over dinner or holding my girlfriend when we get together after our separate working days in the evening.

    I don't need or want to provide 15 validations a day by text that I'm thinking of her and missing her etc. She knows how important she is to me. It means when you do something unexpected like send flowers to her at her work, she appreciates it more. I'd actually find a constant stream of interuptions about "nothing much" all day everyday a bit irritating and controlling. She gets 100% of my attention when I'm with her, or planning nice things we can do together. Sometimes I don't get 100% of hers, because somebody may have been left out of the 24-7 text loop!

    > Is it possible that some guys are just so oblivious to things

    I think guys do relationship validation and "ordinary" content communication differently to women, but it could just be me and not the whole of guy-dom. Some of my female friends seem to spend a very large part of their days txt-ing the same stuff that seems "not very important" to me (like: guess what x is wearing?, have you seen y's hair today?, you'll never guess what a said to b? etc) to chains of their mates. They then see the same people a couple of times a week and play back the texts verbally for what passes as conversation, when they aren't ignoring the people right next to them so they can send out more texts to anyone that might be "missing out" on the pulse of the text web.

    I think the importance of communicating to the women is the continual afirmation of their bonds, not so much the content of what is communicated. I do this relationship validation when I'm actually with the person I want to buff up the bond with.

    > truly don't find daily contact important in any type of relationship?

    Daily contact is good on a lot of days if that fits your schedules, but so is space of days when you don't see each other and feel some obligation to continually txt. This also needs the trust to enjoy that space (for example being out with other friends and doing stuff my girlfriend isn't interested in, while she does stuff I'm not wild about like the bi-weekly let's catch up on our latest text festivals mentioned above).

    I don't think either gender does it wrong, but it does seem to be a difference between us, or at least between me and the women I know.

    • Well its not like I expect it everyday, just sometimes it would go a week without hearing from him, or if he does its a very short conversation. I understand not hearing from him now is not a big deal because he's in hawaii for a few months, but still, if you miss someone like he says he does, why doesn't he call or text more often? I don't mean everyday I just mean more than once every week or so


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What Guys Said 3

  • believe it or not, even though guys have phones, it doesn't mean they are going to be using them from sun up to sun down. and some people would rather just talk in person (myself). if you wanna talk to him more on the phone, let him know. relationships require communication for them to be successful. so if there's something that isn't what you like, let him know.

    • Well I would like to tell him that but he's in hawaii for a few months and since we technically aren't dating because of that, I don't feel I have the right to ask him to call me more often. If you were out there enjoying being in hawaii for a few months, would you want the girl from home putting those demands on you?

    • If I liked the girl, then yeh, id want her to at least want to talk for a little bit every so often. not an everyday thing, but every so often

  • Because it sucks

  • well talking on the phone blows so I try to minimize that. I much prefer in person or texting. and as we all know the phone works both ways


What Girls Said 2

  • 1. It is a guy thing, they need their own space, be with their mates.

    2. Just users

  • Actually, I think it's a good thing that he doesn't call or overly text you very often because, if he did start doing that, then you would expect it from him all the time, and then, when things start to simmer down between you, meaning your getting comfortable with each other, and the calls and text then dramatically drop down to almost nada...then you won't be so jolted by it. Plus, this way, you don't grow so realiant on his texts or calls, and you'll still have the option to being interdependant and still do your own thing and not be at his beckoning call...make sense? It's healthy actually...well I think so. I was in a relationship where in the beginning, he called 15 times a day...and I grew to expect his calls all the time...then when our relationship simmered down a bit...I started to get paranoid, and drove him away because of my paranoia. Hard lesson learned.