Is the guy that I'm dating a decent guy or scum?

I'm a young, smart, attractive female but I have guy problems. I have been told that I am intimidating by friends and even by a few guys that have tried to contact me on facebook rather than in person, when apparently they see me everyday. Also I do turn down guys. no I'm not snobby and I don't come off as snobby, its just I am tired of scum bags hitting on me, looking for sex. Guys who aren't even really interested in getting to know me because they just want to play games. I have fallen for a scum bag in the past, he fed me lines and I believed him, he was wrong for me in every way. And so I feel that I know what kind of guys to avoid.



Recently I have met a guy, he seems like a decent guy. I didn't feel like telling my girlfriends about him until the other day because I'm not really that excited about him, in the back of my head I want to say "all guys are the same" but I'm giving him a chance to prove himself. And if he is a good guy I don't want to turn him off by never opening up and trusting him. So far I have been seeing this guy for almost a month, which is a record in my book. This guy has taken me out to eat a couple of times calls or texts me every night. since our third date he kisses me and holds my hand. We do have fun conversations. He went out of town last week and before he left he told me he was gonna text me while he was away. And of course I did not believe him, I always have this attitude " if he is a jerk I won't be missing anything because I don't have feelings for him anyway" but he did text me while he was away and I was surprised. He was telling me about his trip and that he couldn't wait to see me. But I still can't believe this guy. I know all the tricks guys pull.

Also, I do turn down a lot of guys and so I haven't had sex in forever, I don't want to be treated as an object, I'm a respectable and classy lady. Well when this guy came back to town he told me he missed me and that he wanted to see me. And so I was thinking he probably just wants to have sex and if I do have sex with him he isn't gonna call me or wanna see me afterward. what a waste of time again. but then I was like I have not had sex in forever I might as well go see what he wants. So we hung out at his place last night, watched a movie, cuddled and then sex.

is this guy really into me? How can I tell? I don't want to get too excited about him yet because I'm afraid of getting hurt. We haven't talked about us being committed so we are not in a relationship. When we first met he did tell me that he was looking for a relationship and not up for playing games and I told him what I want as well. But also I know guys will say anything just to get in a girls pants.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here is what I will stress...

    You can't assume anything. You say you're tired of scumbags approaching you. Fine. You say you don't come off as snobby. I don't buy it. The fact that you have to say it probably means you are intimidating to guys and that perhaps you are even rude sometimes.

    Many good guys get frustrated because women who have been hit on since 13 get jaded. Guys like myself who didn't figure it out until 21 are at somewhat of a disadvantage because we want relationships but some girls think any guy who walks in her direction is a scumbag who wants to have sex with her. If that's you, get over yourself. Be open to everyone and realize that you can't judge anyone. If you don't want to be with guys who just want sex, then don't have sex with guys. Or wait a long time after you date them. That's the easiest way. Doing things the other way, where you "size" guys up and assume what they want, will only lead you to misery. I have approached many girls, some just to have a conversation with no romantic interest, and others when I was looking for an LTR, and have been shot down because they're angry at the world. That's their loss; don't let it be yours.

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What Guys Said 6

  • You already had sex, something you were adamant about denying from jerks in the first place. If you are worried about getting in too deep you pretty much already did, so consider any extra time with him to be a bonus. The fact he is sticking around afterward should say enough.

    As for your personal mistrust of guys, my advice is you give it another chance. Don't let this mentality hard-wire itself into your brain to the point of no return. Not only are you being unfair to honest men, you are being unfair to yourself and denying happiness just because some jerk was mean to you a few years ago.

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  • Well honestly, it sounds like your completely full of it. Your not snobby but you casually say you shoot guys down all the time because you assume they only want you for sex? Oh boo hoo! You think that throwing those guys down the drain is justified by your negative assumptions? Look, girls and guys BOTH want sex, just from the right person, so drop that whole woman victimizing bs right now.

    Its true that there are plenty of losers out there that WILL try to lie to you to get in your pants, but you can't fake honesty and that's what you need to look for in a person. The only way you can tell if someone is honest or not though is if YOU yourself are honest first. Since your having trouble telling your obviously not. Your way too defensive to even test the waters or give any guy even a chance since you just assume the worst. What you believe becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, meaning if you just complain that all guys want is sex like animals and they are all jerks, then you will make that become true by seeing what you want to see. Wanna know if aguy is honest? Just ask him " do you want to have sex with me? " and see if he says yes(honest) or if he lies and goes "oh no no no !" (bullsh*t)

    This whole guys are the ones who only want sex bs has to stop also. I hear it from a lot of girls and it couldn't be farther from the truth. Girls want sex just as bad, and this whole uptight virgin good girl image is a load of crap. It forces girls to feel guilty about wanting sex and enjoying sex, and so they have to repress their natural desires. I am a guy and yes I want sex from a girl when I meet her, but only if I actually enjoy her company. And guess what? every girl wants the same damn thing! The reason is that the only good sex is intimate sex. DIstant and disconnected sex is a waste of time, and is such a turnoff once uve had a taste of something better. Anyways, end of rant. You need to work on yourself first, on being more positive and learning how to be more honest with yourself. After you do that, you will have a million times better relationships.

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  • Well the only thing you can do now is wait and see because the only weapon(sorry guys but the truth) you had you gave it away, sex. Sex is the most powerful weapon you can possibly have in your arsenal of weaponry. The moment you give that up either you add to the fire or you have quenched the fire. Seduction back in its day was in the use of grabbing man's heart and bringing him to his knees in his desire for your affection. Cleopatra had anthony so seduced that he was willing to drink poison for her. The number one mistake that was committed was having sex outside of the relationship. My advice no more sex or strong affection make him come to you, remember you will find out what he is after only after you stop all that. Play the cat a little cold a little hot and you will have him eating crumbs off your hands. Give yourself completely to him quickly, how valuable was the prize?

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  • "I didn't feel like telling my girlfriends about him untill the other day because I'm not really that excited about him..."

    Why aren't you excited about him? Is it because you think he will play you?

    Also, I think you're super paranoid.

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    • Well yes, I am afraid that this guy might be a player. but I don't understand how that qualifies me as paranoid. I have never met a nice guy before so how do I recognize one? I can point out a loser real easy.

    • I think you're paranloid because you are irrationally afraid that he will turn out to be a player. Only a small number of guys are actually players. So don't be scared! Just take it one step at a time.

      You also say:

      "I have never met a nice guy before so how do I recognize one? I can point out a loser real easy."

      Never met a nice guy? You mean every male that you've ever come into contact with has been a loser? Your dad? Your grandfathers? Teachers? Religious leaders? Etc. etc..

    • Also, regarding:

      "I have never met a nice guy before so how do I recognize one? I can point out a loser real easy."

      If you can identify a loser real easy, just find a guy who you can't identify as a loser (your loser-detector doesn't go off), and bam! There's your nice guy.

  • hes a scumbag--but girls love scumbags until they are like 38 and want to be treated good

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  • That is true. Most guys will do and say anything to get into a girls pants. But SOME even though it's not that much these days, are actually genuinely in love with the girl.

    What do you feel in your gut? let the ideas in your head go for a minute.

    Do you feel he just wants you for sex? Or is this just because of bad experiences?

    Not all guys are assholes, you shouldn't judge us by what others have done.

    Is he always nice and polite and caring? Or only when he knows he can get something out of seeing you?

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What Girls Said 5

  • First, if you were really worried that the only reason he was interested in you was to have sex and you didn't want to be played by him, then you should not have had sex with him!

    He seems like a nice guy, but don't they all? You should just take it slow with him and get to know him better before anything gets serious. If he is really interested in you as a person, then he will be patient and prove to you how he feels for you.

    I also have met my fair share of losers, but I have also met some truly nice guys who I pulled away from to prevent myself getting hurt like I have been before. It wasn't worth it because now I realize how I have screwed something up that could have been really great. Don't be afraid to trust, because it is the only way that any relationship will ever work in the long run. Just follow your heart and you know, you will know.

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    • Yup, you have to risk something to gain something. I've been in this same situation with girls in college, but instead of me giving up sex to them as in your case, it is usually a big favor they want from me like cheating on a test or doing their homework or rides around town. They're scum girls, just like scum guys, but that doesn't mean ALL guys are girls are scum. All you can do is fall in love SLOWLY. I like that you said you weren't that excited about him, give out trust in little bits.

  • i'm not very experienced but I think you have to talk to him to figure out what everything means. sometimes you have to take chances but if you don't trust him then there's a reason for that.

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  • I think it takes time to know someone and have that connection. Even if it is an instant attraction, still you need to know him further, go by the flow, if its feel right, then it is right. If it is too good to be true, then it probably is.

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  • I think that when it comes to sex, well it really doesn't matter if you make a guy wait or not because the truth is that if he wants to stay with you he will wheather you sleep with him at first or not. Wheather this guy is a scum bag or not well I don't know all I know is that if you like him then give him the chance to prove wheather he is a scumbag or not. So your afraid of being hurt well ask yourself okay of all the guys who have hurt you did you stop living, are you dead or depressed still no your stronger and more aware because of it. We get hurt so much in life for a reason and that reason is to conquer our fears and douts. So don't close your self off to him because your afraid of being hurt open your self up to him because your afraid to be hurt. And if he hurts you well you'll do what we do, you'll pick your self up and be that much stronger for it. In the end all the hurt will be rewarded with love because love is so great and grand that it makes all the hurt worth it. But if you don't allow yourself to be hurt in the pocess then how can you find love in he end?

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  • Scum. Sneak into his room at night & shave his hair off, all of it. Then burn it send him the ashes.

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