Why can't anyone I know give me good advice on talking to girls?

It just seems like everyone makes it seem easy and I am so scared of doing it.

Updates:
Sorry to everyone I offended or was rude to in this question, I am just so angry about being so lonely and shy and afraid of girls I hate it so much and I want to be able to communicate with girls but I am so shy. I am sick of hearing the same advice.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Pay attention to me.

    I'll give you the best advice I wish I got when I was your age...

    1) Being shy is all about your ego. Yes, it's true. Nothing wrong with that, it simply makes you human.

    Your ego has a definite image of you and when you interact with others they might challenge that image. Your ego never wants to be challenged so it does things to make you avoid others. It's really that simple.

    You first goal should be to conquer your ego. Go read some books. I suggest anything by the Dahli Lama.. he talks a lot about how our ego is useless and how to shed it. I would also suggest Don Ruiz... The 4 Agreements. Great book on getting rid of feelings like rejection, fear, etc.

    2) Not everything can be learned in a book, some things need to be learned through expereince in through your body.

    You need to show your body and your emotions that you will survive the interactions with other people, even if they hate you and disagree with you.

    I suggest you do what every who's a natural with women has done: learn how to be as social as possible.

    The easiest way to get good with women is to get good with people. Learn to make small talk with everyone you meet, everyday for the rest of your life, and your body will quickly adapt. You will quickly learn what things are funny, and what things are boring. Which things people like talking about (themselves) and what things they hate (you talking about you.)

    This means you need to practice making small talk with the fat guy bagging your groceries, and the tall skinny chick working the movie ticket booth. You need to learn how to ask that super hot waitress where she bought her earrings because you sister would love them, and how to ask that old woman behind you in line if that frozen pizza is as good as it looks.

    The idea is to NOT start trying to pick up super hot women... that's too big a leap. Instead you need to start learning that talking with strangers can actually feel good. And that talking with people will not hurt.

    Unless you're willing to put in the effort, you'll remain stuck in your home-made prison of fear and worry.

    3) One last thing... life isn't about hoping people like you. You will get along fine through this life even if everyone hates you. There are convicted pedophiles living around you already, who are getting married and such. The goal isn't to be a "NICE" guy, the goal should be how to be a "GOOD" guy. There's a huge difference.

    Being nice is often about seeking approval. But being good is about liking yourself and those you interact with, without expecting it in return. That's the type of guy people are attracted to.

    Want more specifics? I got them. Just email me.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

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    • I would rather not email but this sounds good to me. Do you have any other advice to offer or anything.

    • Wow..im a girl and that was awesome advice to me. that sounds like the best advice there could be

    • Read my blog, I constantly talk about dating, women, rejection, mindsets, and sex. All fun topics. :)

What Girls Said 15

  • I'm going to be frank here. If you keep refusing to talk to girls because you're too scared, you're never going to get any better at it. Period. Work on your confidence. Practice talking to a mirror. Tell yourself you're confident until you really believe it. Then start talking to girls you know. It doesn't have to be a long conversation, just compliment them or ask them how their day is going. Before you know it you'll find talking to girls easier.

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  • It sounds like you need to gain some confidence first. Women can pick up on your vibe and there's nothing worse than an insecure man. Don't give her any lines, just be yourself and say hi. Buy her a drink but don't expect anything in return. Use every opportunity as "practice" at becoming more secure. Eventually you will get the hang of it :)

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  • Try... getting guy friends to help you with talking with girls. Get involved in a club or some sort of group activity that would allow you contact and access to other women. At least that way you will always have a common topic especially when you don't know what to say. But sounds like you really need someone to physically BE there for this to be possible.

    Another thing that would really help is if you make a resolution to be less shy, or TRY. Don't sit here all day telling people who are trying to help that their suggestions are terrible. You're just making excuses. TRY IT! Worse thing that could happen is the girls are not interested and you guys go back to not talking. Right? Take a chance. You have to start somewhere and sometime. Ball's in your court shy-guy. :P

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    • What do you mean by I need someone to physically be there.

    • Not to sound mean or come off too rough, but you've been making excuses as to why the other suggestions stink. So that tells me you have self-esteem issues, you are not confident enough to try and talk to girls by yourself. But no worries! Everyone has self-esteem issues to some degree. So if you get a good friend to just be there, support you with his presence, that would probably help you out. You would probably feel more... comfortable having a familiar person around.

  • Well don't just go up to a random person you don't know and start talking to them...ughhh I hate that. It makes you look like a creeper. Start by talking to girls you kind of know like at work or school by giving a compliments. compliments are good , I like compliments LOL :) especially if you compliment them on how nice they look since a lot of girls put so much effort on how they look. But confidence is sexy

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    • That sounds OK I guess. It is just hard for me to work up the courage to do that.

  • I am so scared of doing it

    Courage and fear is the same thing, only courage is knowing the fear and doing the said thing anyway.

    If you're really lonely then buck up and fix it. No one can talk to a girl for you, so ultimatly the fate of your future is in your hands only. If you over analyze the situation then it will only screw you up even more. Just find a girl you like/feel comfortable with and talk to her. Talk about the weather, the loud music in the bar, the weird color nail polish she has on, the Steelers game :), something trivial.

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  • Because no one wants to give advice. There is no precise answer & honestly no one has any tips. So many people ask questions on this site about approach the opposite sex, does this person like them, what should they talk about, etc. It just gets annoying, how do we know this, we don't know their situation or the person they are trying to talk to... It wouldn't be so bad if so many people didn't do it. But the site is flooded with these questions, & most users just don't care for those question.

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    • I mean people can't help in real life too. I just wish one nice girl would like me.

  • If you have the confidence to walk up to us, and strike up a conversation about anything really, we will take notice. The right girl won't turn away, she'll appreciate the effort and make the conversation seem effortless.

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    • I am too scared to do that though. no girl will ever like me I should just give up.

    • Wow your totally gonna talk to a girl if you keep up that attitude...lighten up. you make it seem like your gonna die if you say two words. well your not. say hi. that's a start

  • take a deep breath first. come closer to the girl you like, say hi to her. and give her the best smile you will have that day. remember to keep that smile with you whatever respond you may get from her. just keep smiling and go on your life :)

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  • The thing is girls like guys to make the first move, you just have to go out and do it. Personally I think it's the cutest thing when guys get all nervous when they talk to you, the guys that are over confident are the ones with big ego's and a d*** to match.

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    • There is nothing cute about it.

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    • I don't have any friends who are girls. and this does not count as talking to a girl. It only counts if it is actually talking. no one knows what they are talking about really everyone says it is so easy, just do it, what is the worst that can happen and stuff. if there were as anxious as me they would understand. it is so impossible to do I am freaked out and I am very shy. You can make it seem easy but you are a girl guys will come up to you but girls won't come up to a guy.

    • Dont say anything at first then. touch her hand slightly or smile at her. let your presence be know by her.

  • Just wait for experience to come to you. There are a lot of women out there who are really confident and you'll come across them... I'm sure. confidence sometimes comes from experience. Leave it alone for a while.

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    • That sounds good no one has really said that before.

    • Yeah that's how I got where I am. I never used to even think about flirting. Then it came to me and I learned guys game built my own. As a girl I don't use it though. But I can literally tell what a guy is going to say and how he will. If I see him comin you know. So if all this other stuff fails miserably.... lol. keep wht I said in mind. :))

    • Sounds good.

  • it's all in your mind! everyone makes it seem easy because it is easy.. you are just worrying too much!

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    • It is very scary though.

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    • It is just really hard for me to talk to people. I am not trying to be neagtive

    • You make it hard. it really isnt, it's all in your mind, you just have to get over it.

  • I would love to have a guy simply say "Hey" to me and ask me how I'm doing or how my day was. It's simple stuff to do, and just by showing some sort of care will make you seem like a total sweetheart. (:

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    • But it won't make a girl know I like her

  • The best thing I can tell you to do, is relax. I'm a really shy girl & it took me FIVE YEARS to tell the guy I'm currently dating that I'm interested. Just relax and if you want it badly enough (I was single for two years straight...) you'll eventually have to go into it with your anxiety, fears, etc. Take a leap, but first, try to relax...try to rehearse what you'd like to say to her, or what you'd like her to know...

    Hopefully this isn't too redundant of the other advice you've received..Good luck!

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  • You should get a job in retail. Then you will HAVE to talk to people, some will be girls. I used to have really bad social anxiety but I forced myself to get over it and I jot a job in a pet store. Now I talk to people everyday with no problem. I'm still a little shy at talking to guys I fancy, but it only takes practice. There really is nothing to worry about. What is she going to do? Eat you? you will be fine and even if it is a little bit embarrassing at first it's not the end of the world and the girl will probably just think it's cute that you are shy. You are never going to get anywhere if you never face your fears.

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    • It's easier for a girl to get a job in retail than it is for guys

    • Thats not true. Heaps of guys work in retail. It's just as common for a guy to work in store as a girl. I work with 3 young guys at my job. It depends on what sort of store you want to work at. Maybe not a girls fashion store. But there must be something your interested in and would like to sell. Like video games? books? sports? auto? you could even work in a food store.

  • start by talking to girls you're not attracted to in order to work on your communication skills

    for example,

    talk to female cashiers at the grocery store, or your friends' little sisters, moms, old women, etc

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    • This advice is honestly no good either.

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    • I know. that's why I suggest talking to girls outside your age range and strangers.

      seriously, if you're only reason is you're scared. you're always going to be, you're never going to change. you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone

    • But I have no problem with them, the girls my age are the ones I can't talk to. That is the reason why your advice does not really help me too much.

What Guys Said 11

  • Because they're all naturals and don't know how they do it. It's like asking you to explain walking. The only people qualified to give advice are ones who have been where you are.

    Shyness is effectively a lack of familiarity with social situations. Stuff you ought to have picked up from your parents and as a child. For whatever reason, not your fault, you haven't gained that stuff. Lack of familiarity leads to irrational beliefs. Familiarity leads to instinctive behaviours.

    Because you're an adult simply telling you to be yourself or similar useless advice is no help because it's not convincing and it doesn't address your irrational beliefs. Gotta deal with them first. What are you afraid of?

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    • I don't know I just get this whole nervous feeling I guess it could be more or less related to being scared of being rejected.

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    • Do you feel weird?

    • No I don't but I worry other people will think I am I have been called weird before but then that guy said that he was weird too. I really just wish I could go up to a girl and talk to her. It should not be hard at all but it is.

  • I feel your pain

    its simple but its never easy

    haha you just have to

    do it

    and know that everything you say has feeling behind it

    so as long as you put feeling behind your words then talking to a cute girl won't be that bad

    cause at least she will see your trying and that its cute how you stumble some times

    and what that guy said is so true

    you have to believe in yourself and just learn to forgive some one if they reject cause they don't know where you have been and where you going and you just move on and know you will find happiness

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  • 1. Talk to girls online :) tht way you can learn communication skillz without actually having to talk to them in person.

    2. Take acting/speech classes, these would improve your confidence in yourself.

    3. Groom yourself well. No one girl or guy likes to talk to a sloppily dressed person.

    4. Wear a smile. U'll appear more approachable

    5. Start off with making small talk with girls you know

    6. Remember that talking to girls is really not that different from chattying with guys

    7. Lead a more socially active lifestyle and be confident in yourself! These things draw a girl TO YOU

    Hope this helps

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  • grow some balls

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  • The minute you stop thinking, you'll start living.

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    • Wow that is a great answer thank you so much for the help I really appreciate this.

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    • Don't defend him.

    • Who's a sarcastic asshole?

  • Sorry man but the trick really is just hiding how nervous you are and acting calm, treat em like any other person because they are.

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  • cause maybe your friends etc don't know any advice ... girls are so complicated ... I wonder if there's a book "girls for dummies" out there lol you know the for dummies series of books lol

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  • If you don't follow them, you canĀ“t complain about them. I'm shy, like you. If I don't flirt or do anything about the girl I like, it is my fault.

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    • But the thing is people say they are trying to help and they say just do it and stuff or try and tell me it is not hard. If it were easy I could do it without being scared.

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    • And yeah, I'm trying to help btw.

    • I know you are trying to help but I am basicly shy to the point where I need another guy to introduce a girl to me or have it be a friends girlfriends friend.

  • Dude just chill...i'll give you the best tip...girls are humans too...so take it coool ...talk to her like the way you talk to your friends (bt don't mention perv things lol)

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  • because it's that much easier for girls

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  • Honestly man, this is something that pretty much everyone has to deal with. Very few guys are just naturally comfortable talking to any girl, and even those guys get scared of talking to certain girls. I'm not comming out and saying that I am good at talking to girls because I am myself very very shy, but from experience I have learned that there is no set approach or line that you can use ... everyone experiences this kinda stuff differently, every girl is different, and every person has their own aproach ... all it is is another learning experience! first thing you have to do is to just lessen your fear of talking to girls by just going for it ... start by just having a normal conversation and just act cool ... the worst screw ups I've seen are guys that try too hard... and by trying too hard I mean using "pickup lines" and just comming out aggressively from the get go! once you initiate a very casual everyday conversation with a girl, if she has any interest, then the conversation find a way of carrying on itself! DO NOT think about f***ing the girl, going out with her or how hot she is ... go into the conversation having already accepted that nothing is going to happen, and that should release some of the stress... this is to get you started... and like everything else, the more you do it the more you "just figure it out" and you don't even think about it anymore (like driving)!

    Good Luck

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