I don't know what to do anymore!!

I have known this guy for over a month. We met on craigslist. I put a personal ad out there and he responded. We hit it off pretty good. We went on one date and it went very well. After the date he text me and said thank you for a great night. We continued to talk over text for the next couple of weeks. He was at work and said he wanted to stop by after he got off in the morning. I felt ok with that. So he came over and things got alittle heated if you know what I mean. So after we did what we did, right after he left he said I was amazing. I noticed communication was a bit different after we had sex. I had asked him the day after we had sex what he was looking for exactly, he said he wanted a LTR but wants to take it low. He still continued to talk to me, saying hey beautiful and all that, but its just been different. I started to be alittle more open with him telling him that I don't wanna scare him but that I really like him but I can respect the fact that he wants to go slow. He wrote back saying " I get alittle nervous sometimes but I know you mean well". I really don't know what he means by that. This past week we have had some good communication but its now Sunday and I have really not heard from him since Thursday. He had surgery last week but it was a minor thing. I texted him yesterday and said "just thought I would say hi, I haven't really heard from ya the last couple of days" He text back an hour later saying "Hey sorry hanging with the family" It seems like I always text him at a bad time so I wrote back saying " lol once again I text you at a bad time, well have fun!" Then he wrote back "Sorry." I don't know if he is still into me or not. Its just weird we we from talking everyday up until recently. I don't know what I did or maybe I am over reacting. Maybe he really is spending a lot of time with the family since he off of work right now, I know he is very close with the family. But I don't know what to do. Should I wait till contacts me? What do you think maybe went wrong? If he wasnt interested in me after sex, why would he keep in touch with me? Now all the sudden I don't hear from him for the last couple days. I need some advice. I feeling pretty crushed right now.

Updates:
Just wanted to add what our text conversation on thursday was about. We both were pretty flirty. I told him how I felt again and he said I always make him blush. The conversation ended with a "muah" at the end of message Haven't heard frim him since realy
Im also scared about trying to talk to him about it becuase I don't want to scare him away if he isn't already I haven't known him that long. sorry I keep adding to this but I wanna get some goos honest answers.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, there's a couple of things I noticed here as a guy/male.

    I get alittle nervous sometimes but I know you mean well"

    I'll break this statement down for you, and other women ok.

    "I get a little nervous sometimes" This means either your coming on too strong for his likeing/or he is Shy and you just don't realize it, and is just getting nervous because he hasn't been with many girls/women, and it gets his nerves all worked up, meaning you intimidate him/scare him in a totally different way than you may think. Guys are often times scared of women because of the Unknown, the Unknown of what not to, or what to do. Also, it may be his first time with a women which beleive it or not can be scary/nerve racking especially if he gets sexual, it can even mess up his sexual performance with you! Which might scare him even more, he maybe doesn't want to go too fast, or maybe doesn't want to be so freaked he has a hard time keeping into it/focusing.

    "But I know you mean well."

    This means, he's telling you that He's not looking down on you for your strong approach to him. It's him saying Your coming on strong to me Yes. Although, I'm not taking offense to it. So. There you go.

    Just don't forget Guy's do sometimes get very nervous. We are just as nervous as you are, and sometimes more depending on his Past experiences with previous Women that may have done him wrong.

    Hence his wanting to possibly, "Take it slow."

    OR

    This may be a way to just make you think that and use you for sex who knows.

    BUT!

    2 days to Two weeks is not enough time for that to show. Yes, I think you are overreacting. He has other people in his life other than you never forget that, I'm sure you have others in yours as well. If he's spending time with his family that is fine. Atleast he's not with the prostitute down the street cheating on you. Be greatfull for what you have, not what you don't have. Give it time, take your time, in the end you'll know which it is. Give it ample time how ever much it needs. Honestly, if he is texting you while with family, and saying Muah to you. I think he's interested yes, he's just busy. Just remember give him space when he needs it, so when you need it he should respect that as well. This doesn't mean just take space because he did. We are not Children here. We are adults. If you honestly need it that's one thing, being childish is another, I.E. Paybacks. He'll look down on you for that, and rate you accordingly because of it.

    Good luck, sounds like everything will go fine just GO WITH THE FLOW and see what happens and don't forget to UPDATE this when you learn more!

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    • I definatley will keep this updated. I am going to give him his space and see what happens. Thank you sooo much for breaking that all down for me. It makes a lot of sence now that I read it like that!!

What Guys Said 5

  • Ok, if it's sex you want with him, your not going to scare him away. Don't be fearfull of scaring a "Man" away because you want sex. ? That just doesn't make sense. Remember guy's want it more than you do! So, this is not about to scare him away. The realationship thing is what scares men. In all honesty. They are afraid of what it "Means" if they commit. It means they have to be, Loyal, devoted, and support you constantly weather financially or emotionaly which to a man is "Work." Which they feel often times they get enough of at their jobs already. So, this is why we demand Sex I beleive so often in return. It's returning that "Favor." I know a ton of women are going to berate me for saying this and maybe even men too, although it's the truth. Men are not going to run away if you offer them sex. They are going to run and flock towards you like a herd of cattle. This goes in a "Women's" benifit and can either be used to her advantage if she, "Understands" how much power she can "Hold" in a realationship. It is her ultimate decision of "IF" he gets his or not. SO. Knowing this is power. Does this mean Ho yourself out? NO! Not be any means. Although, it is me telling you as a guy. He is timid, scared and nervous, although, don't take that as Fear as you see it as a women. It's a different "Type" of fear in essence. He's just afraid of if he doesn't "Preform" to your standars in the bedroom, that you'll ditch him for the next best thing that Does preform. Since remember he "Knows" you hold this power over him. ;). So, don't worry about him running he won't, just don't leave him with the impression, that you were not satisfied, or don't leave him the impression afterwards that your done with him. Reassure him. And let him know that it was good, and ok, and that your "HAPPY with his preformance." If your not your not, you can teach him what he should do in the process of doing it. So that you are satisfied. It sounds to me like he wants to make sure you are, it's just he's afraid of the "What if" if he doesn't make the cut. Let him know that it's ok, and that your willing to lend a hand and teach him the ropes if you will, and he'll be fine and gain more confidence in you, and your realationship as well.

    Sorry if this wasn't totally about sex. If I was mistake please correct me on that note. Although This is a huge tip. Since men are so sexual in our mentalities. This is an update to your updates BTW hope it maybe helps you some more.

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  • I think the guy just doesn't want a committed relationship. He even told you "I want a LTR but I want to take it slow". Isn't that what dating is? Haha.

    Anyway, I'm sure he's into you since he is still maintaining contact with you. Even when you send him all those texts. Just back off with the clingy behavior a little. I mean you even called him the day after you had sex with him. Damn. You should have waitied for him to call you. Or waited a couple days if he didn't call and call yourself. I bet this guy has some history with either him becoming to attached and disappointing himself or other girls getting attached and screwing him over. I bet if you stop texting him for a couple days he'll call you back.

    But PLEASE do not blame yourself for having sex with him. That is just stupid. You are a human woman. I'm sure women like sex. You say you want to be honest with him. How is witholding sex from him when you really want to have sex being honest? All that would have done is put unnecessary strain on the relationship.

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    • I think your very right and I appreciate your honest input. I don't normally sleep with a guy right after I meet, but with him the feeling was different. Have you ever talked to a girl you were into then just like not talked for a few days?? Its just weird to me. We were talking everyday even after we had sex and since thusrday we really haven't talked much and we had sex 2 weeks ago tommorow. I hope he's still into me but I guess we will have to wait and see.

  • Could be you had sex too soon. I personally would not want a LTR with a girl who sleeps with me on the first or second night.Besides it usually never works out anyway. And do you really want your relationship be based on sex? If you weren't too easy then that would have given him a challenge and he would have been the one texting you and wondering what you are doing and where you are. I do not want to say you f***ed everything up already but it does kind of sound like it. Seems like you've been giving him space which is good. I'd say wait a few more days and if he does not contact you contact him, but only if you want to have fun not to build a relationship :(

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    • Just for the record I am a man I do not follow this mindset. If I am going to have a long term relationship with someone I damn sure hope it is based on sex. Why would I want to base a heterosexual relationship on how long it takes a woman to "give it up"? So when we do settle down is she only going to give it to me once a year so "she doesn't seem easy"?

      No wonder marriages fail. Sex isn't important in relationships I guess.

    • Sex is not the most important part of a relationship if you feel that way, I feel sorry for you. I never said sex was not important, but I'd rather get to know a girl first and make her want to sleep with me if I want a LTR. Once you get past that point you can bang all you want...

      Just for the record you sound more like a little boy rather than a man and making general statements on something some random dude said online?...

    • *you sound more like a little boy rather than a man* ohh dude bravo hahaha

  • my advise for you is don't call him and wait , try to see if he's still interested in you ,

    if he'll call you and try to meet you again try to take it slow I mean try not to have sex unless you're sure about his feelings towards you and try to hang out more spend more time.

    good luck

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  • Well, it sounds like he may think things are moving a bit fast, but that he does like you. Maybe he needs some time to think about and process the fact that the two of you just had sex. He may be wondering what it means - like if you are in love with him or something like that. He may be trying to analyze and interpret it right now, so maybe you should give him some time and space so he can figure out what it means for him to have just had sex with you. Who knows - maybe he normally only has sex with someone if he knows he is in love with that person or that they are in love with each other. He may be wondering if you are in love with him or if he is in love with you - even though the two of you just met. He may also be wondering whether your relationship is shallow or whether it is going somewhere because of having sex so soon with him after not really being with him in person very much. Normally, when guys are trying to process things, they take time away from people to do so, and they normally only resume the relationship when they have come to whatever conclusion they feel right about. So, I think it would be in your best interest, as I have mentioned, to give him the space he needs to process things in order for him to come to whatever conclusions he needs to come to about you and the relationship with you. Make sense?

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    • You give really good advice... I'll take that home with me.

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    • I just wanted to say thanks for your advice. I talked to him today and he said he doesn't know if he's ready for a relationship but he says he is still very interested in me. I just think he has been screwed by too many women, but he wants to still go out and see what happens later on down the road... I guess maybe if I can prove myself to him?? I don't know what do you think??

    • I think if the two of you like each other that you should try it. Just remember that if he's been hurt that he may need to take things slowly. Allow him to set the pace & remember that guys who are hurt have fear issues to deal with regarding being hurt again because the wound is still there. With time and patience, he should come to trust you more and the two of you can find out for sure whether there's anything there (as time goes on, that is). Good luck! :)

What Girls Said 1

  • You were too easy. Guys ask for sex, but they want you to say NO! They want you to deny them.

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