Leaving my husband. Is 'rebound guy' legit?

Here's the deal. I have been married for several years and my husband and I have 2 little boys. We are not right for each other, and even from the beginning of our relationship we have spent years fighting and bringing out the worst in each other. My kids are starting to be affected by the fights and I have been struggling with making the decision to leave for over a year now.

Three weekends ago, my best friend and I went out for her birthday. We ended up crossing paths with two guys from out of town. My friend had a drunken sexual attraction with one of the guys all night long while the other guy (lets call him Matt) and I had a blast together. There was a ridiculous amount of chemistry and there was a mental connection too. We ended up back at their hotel room. My friend ended up having a fling with the guy she had met, while matt and I spent the night talking and laying close. In all honesty, it was extremely hard for me to keep my hands off, but I did, even though he was trying to do more than just 'talking' and cuddling.

I felt awful the next morning. Matt had given me his card and told me that even though he knew I was married, he wanted to pursue me, and because I wouldn't give him my number, he gave me his. A few days later I told my husband it was time to separate and I am moving out next week.

As far as the situation with Matt goes. I know that I don't need to be getting into a relationship. And in reality, he lives over 27 hours away, so even if I were it wouldn't be realistic. My issue is that I want this man, badly. I have talked to him recently. He knows my situation and he wants to come visit when he' in town in a month. He seems to be a bit of a player (how many guys try to pick up on a married woman) and has hinted about the hotel room.

My question is, what is with this guy? My instinct tells me he just wants sex. In theory, that should be OK, but I am afraid that if I let that happen and then I never hear from him again, it will really mess with my head, especially because of my situation right now. I know I probably seem like a terrible person for this whole ordeal, I have just been so lonely and under-stimulated (mentally and emotionally) in my marriage, that just having a night with someone who made me feel something was like an awakening to the idea that there is probably somebody better for me out there.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • honey, I honestly feels for u... I have been in your shoes, even though the guys that I hanged out with is not looking for sex. but I am not as lucky as u, because guys that I met clammed up after they know I like them. if you like this guy, it's not harmful to befriend him, but keep your body off the limits for him, since you think he's a bit of player, so don't give him any chance of sleeping with u. dear, I can't say if it's a rebound, it's most likely is, since you are having problem with your husband and yes, having someone attracted to you makes you feel like there might be a better person for you out there. world is full of people, don't restrain yourself by paying attention only to this particular guy, you might meet someone much better than him. keep looking and don't be tired of it. if he really loves u, he would stay with you loving you even though you denied him sex. but believe me sweetie, every time the guy whom I like clammed up on me, I always met someone new, and now I am currently making friend with a more matured guy than the previous one, so you should be strong, don't sleep with him that easily, and try to make more contacts out there. bad guys really know when to take advantage, so take care ok? :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • This is coming from a guys perspective. If the guy was laying hands on you on the first night, trust me he just wants sex, you should have stop him from the minute you entered that hotel room. Even if your relationship still hasn't ended, you should had been a little more respectful and waited till you split up with you husband to go sneaking around with another guy, just because you had a one night attraction. Your friend doesn't sound like someone who looks out for you and gives you the right advice, from what you wrote she was doing. You should try to value yourself more, and tell men you're not looking for a one night stand, put them in their place. Don't even hold their hands when you meet them, they'll know if you're playing hard to get. That guy is going to sweet talk you now, because he thinks you're going to be an easy touchdown for him to score. If you think your relationship is affecting you and your two kids, then just end it before things get worse. Don't get me wrong, you should date and meet new people, but remember... patience is virtue. Don't fall for any guy just because he's nice for a couple of weeks. Give it time, get to know the person for a few months. Some people are good at hiding their bad side, but now forever. ;)

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What Girls Said 1

  • Well it sounds like he's definitely interested in you and you're obviously interested in him, and that's okay because you no one can choose who they end up having chemistry with, the only thing we ALL have control over is our own actions.

    That being said, I would keep the card, maybe email him seldomly (like every couple weeks or even less frequent than that ) to keep contact with him, but FOCUS on the transition of your divorce. Absolutely bottom line here is that right now and until everything is final and even after that, ALL your energy should completely be going to your kids and making sure that they are transitioning healthily. Those kids should feel that all of your focus is absolutely on them. And while you're doing this, you're going to have to focus on securing your life for yourself as a single mom and that takes a lot of energy.

    Keep contact with this guy by all means, but be very candid with him that although you totally felt the chemistry with him, you have no extra time/energy to put into anything new with him right now and you'll let him know when you're ready, but it's going to be a long time, and that's just what it is. Of course, you can probably say it nicer than I just made it sound, LOL, but that's the bottom line truth. If he's still open to you when things calm down and you're truly ready to pursue something with him (and you'll know with yourself when that time comes, you just be truthful with yourself first and foremost), then that means he does like you for something deeper than a sexual escapade. :) Good luck sweetie!

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