Why are these men so frustrating?

I am 34 years old and better than average looking. Not a supermodel but very tall, long legs and in shape. I constantly have men coming on to me very strong and wanting my number wanting to monopolize my time. Then I don't hear from them or they ask me out for a certain day and they don't get ahold of me to confirm. I don't understand what I could be doing wrong. The one hint I have is that 3 men have told me they thought I was looking for a relationship which is not true (just divorced). I sometimes think that because I don't act like a slut they think I want them to be my "man" when really I just want some mature companionship that leads to sex but doesn't get serious.

Help me please


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Most Helpful Guy

  • there is a ratio of 48% men to 52% women (its just nature, more women are born and survive than men). When your young, and no one is in relationship this tiny difference between the ratios isn't noticable; but when everyone gets married and couples up the ratio changes.

    Allow me to explain. Imagine an island with 100 twenty year old people on it. The ratio rule says there are 48 men and 52 women. Wait 10 years then the population of the island are all in their 30's. Most have coupled up. So lets say 44 of them have coupled up i.e there are 44 couples on the island.

    So that leave 4 single men and 8 single women! The blokes have got it made with twice as many girls, there's little compertition.

    Now also consider that the 4 single men are the difficult ones that none of the other women wanted. They're happy and comfortable with being single and are now enjoying their possition of power in realtionships. Being able to pick and chose the women they want.

    .and that's your situation.

    I'm not saying that you can't find Mr Right, but it will be more difficult when your older. It is true; a good man is hard to find. As a 34 year old you will have to work harder than when you were 24. Also I don't know when you got married, but things could have changed. I think its now acceptable for a woman to ask out a man or to approach a man. Try think about your tactic?

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What Guys Said 4

  • You want freinds with benifets. Nothing wrong with that but anyone freindhave sex with is going to have the "feelings of love towards you because they are already your freind" then "you have good sex with them" is going to fall in real romantic love with you.

    Guys are not the dogs we pretend to be, I am usre a lot of guys "think" they could handle freinds with benifets but they cant, we fall in love with our FWB. Once in love they are not going to like the idea you have more FWB's and probably hate you/call you a slut/ etc.

    One idea I can offer is that you tell them you are still married and looking, this way they can still want a relationship with you and understand they can't have you totally(hey your married). You can pick and choose the times and cut "dates" short at the drop of a dime "OMG my husband is calling, I have to get home pronto". They will never want to go home with you(her husband might shoot me) or call you at home. Hell they will not even want to know where you live so they can avoid the area.

    Sounds kinda messed up lying like that but, in your situation, it might actually be a good idea for you.

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  • There is nothing wrong with you, or what you want. Perhaps you are just being a bit impatient.

    Finding the right person, no matter what kind of a relationship you are looking to build can take a little time and patience. Waiting for the right person even if it is just for meaningful companionship and sex is not a bad thing.

    Set a bar, even if for temporary fling, so that the best will rise to the occasion. Once they do, then you will be able to choose one of them, rather than feel that they are choosing you off the chopping block.

    Relax, if you are recently divorced, sometimes the 'air of relationship' still lingers around you for a bit. Sometimes it takes a little time until your independence shines through to the thicker skulled sex.

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  • When you make a statement like mature companionship that lead to sex your talking about a relationship. Men in general aren't looking for companionship they are looking for sex at that age if they are out in a bar or on the single scene. Not to say that all men are like that but if he's 30 plus and single he's on the hunt and not for a wife and it is true the ratios are more in his favor. He even has more younger women to choose from. I don't doubt that you are a desirable woman and want to be treated as such but even the 20 year old are competing with you these days. I do think this is why women are choosing to enter into affairs and plural marriages more these days but that's another thread. I hope you find someone and get what you want.

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  • Well, if you're just looking for sex, and you're better than average looking, as you say, you should be able to pick up any dude you want and just have sex with him & let him know you're not interested in serious relationships. Maybe you also need to screen the guys you go out with better too. Find guys who are only into sex with you and go with those guys, because there are a lot of guys out there who are looking for commitments and think exactly what you said, that if you're not in a relationship that you're looking for a committed one. There are plenty of guys that you can meet and just have a sexual relationship with. You can probably meet them at bars or nightclubs or other places that singles hang out. Just be sure you are up front with them about not wanting a relationship. Also, you can tell the guys who are just out to get laid because they are not interested in only one girl. They're interested in lots of girls. At any rate, I don't know if that helps, but good luck!

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What Girls Said 3

  • The best thing to do is tell them what you are looking for right off the bat. Unfortunately there is a double standard out there that makes it hard to be so open about sex. Guys tend to think you want to get serious real fast or they think you're a slut. Putting it out there right away avoids confusion or miscommunication. However, just know that it isn't as easy to maintain a respected stature if you're a female. It sucks but it's true. It's not impossible to have an arrangement based strictly off sex.

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  • I honestly reckon we are in the same sort of boat so I wanna know whichever works 4 u. Only thing with me is I'm 22 and get all these guys cummin on 2 me take my number loadsa flirtin the usual. The thing is I want the relationship but every guy I think is worth givin a chance 2 is only out 4 one thing. I'm far from bein a slut but I can only get a guy interested enough 2 have exactly what you want and nothin more. This may hep ya but what I tell guys that I ain't totally interested in is when they ask am I with sum1 or have a boyfriend sumthin along those lines I give a slight giggle and say what would I want one of those for I enjoy bein single 2 much (then I look away) this sorta gives him the impression that you don't want a relationship at all and ur not that fused about talkin 2 him either. Seems to always make them want ya more but that's only because I ain't lookin nothin serious when really I'm tryin 2 get rid of them. Myt work 4 you good luck anyway

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  • girl, trust me, its not you. most men are dogs and when you find that "special one" you'll know it. he'll call you, confrim, and keep calling you. could you imagine if you did give it out to them? you'd be even more hurt. don't be a booty-call.

    ^_^

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